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Part 30: Elijah

With the help of Nancy Mays, a New Amsterdam Lawyer- we wrote up a legal document of adoption within the hour.

We had Deja sign it and our Judge legalize it as we signed.

I finished up the paperwork with Mays and the Social worker- which took a good while while Helen sat with Deja.

Helen chewed the Social worker out. She knew the condition Deja was living in and yet didn't seek medical help for her nor remove her from that home.  When the foster parents arrived, Helen got ahold of them as well. They wanted to see the baby and even offered to take him - of course they fucking did, more money- but Helen informed them of the current situation- which pissed them off. She didn't tell them who adopted him- problems would only arise- but she did inform them that Deja is being removed from their home permanently.

I was concerned about that- wondering if it was for the best to just immediately move her to a new home instead of keeping her in the hospital for a while so she can have counseling and support.

But apparently the new home she is being placed in is very supportive and has adopted two of their other foster children.

***

Leaning against the PICU Kangaroo room's door, I am instantly reminded of Zurah and how Helen was immediately attached to her.  Looking at her feeding the baby, the huge smile on her face and that sparkle in her eyes- I am so in love with her.

She catches my staring and her smile widens even more.

"Hey!" She quietly says and I come in, sliding the door shut behind me and I walk over to her. "Isn't he just perfect?"

"Most definitely." I kiss her forehead and sit on the chair next to her rocking one.

"Don't you just want to kiss his sweet little face? Because I do, but I know I'm not allowed yet." Rubbing my hand up and down her leg, I stare at the baby in her arms and wish it actually was ours. Of our flesh and blood, because then maybe he would fill that hole I have in my heart. "Are you alright? You're quiet."

"I'm just taking you in." He has her skin tone but amber eyes. We couldn't even fake that he is biologically ours if we wanted too. It's so obvious.

"You think this was a bad idea. Don't you?" She briefly looks at me as she puts the bottle down and tries to burp him.

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have too. I know you, Max. I know you think I'm foolish for adopting this baby without thought." She becomes angered, but stays as calm as she can for the baby.

"Helen, I didn't say that and I wouldn't say that."

"Just say it, Max. Just say what you want too."

"I love you."

"No- that's not it. You've never lied to me before- don't start now."  I hear the clipped tone of her voice and I know she isn't letting it go.

"Huh...I'm...I don't...I don't know. I'm just...I'm just hurting...still." I choke, but I don't cry and she stills. "I want him. I do. He is beautiful and special and I know he will bring us joy...but Baby...Baby, I have just have this hole in me from our...and I..."

I stop talking and close my eyes to stop my possible tears. When I open them, I look at her and she too seems upset about it.

"And I ruined this wonderful moment for you. Huh...I should go..." I stand before I start crying and upset her even more.

"You don't think I have that hole?" I stop at the door and just hold the handles. "You don't think I'm still hurting?"

I don't move or say anything.