My Promise To You

3

Clay's POV

I was confused when I just felt the need to constantly look at George. He was genuinely handsome, smiled really cutely and was incredibly sweet to me. I was sitting in our English class, but instead of focusing on class or even on my girlfriend, I was just constantly looking at George.

His brown, almost black, hair fitted him really well, in his dark brown eyes I could just drown in and his dark pink lips made him even more beautiful. I was smiling as I looked at him and I had even imagined his lips touching mine gently.

I realised I had a girlfriend again and she had been looking at me for a while now, catching me staring at George. I smiled at her and looked down at my hands, feeling my face heat up as I realised I fantasised about George kissing me. I was straight, right?

It was a bit confusing that I had never really had these feelings for my girlfriend. As I said before, we acted more like friends. We hadn't kissed more than once in all those years, but we didn't enjoy it that much. I had sometimes kissed her cheek and held her hand, but much further than that didn't really happen.

I never felt that weird feeling in my stomach for her, I had my heart beating a bit faster at most. Did that mean I didn't like her? But I found her really kind and she was also really pretty, but maybe it wasn't romantically or sexually?

I looked back at George again and started imagining how it would be to hold his hand, how it would be to kiss his lips and to touch his body. Hannah and I had never even touched each other in an intimate way. As I said, we only kissed once and that wasn't even longer than five seconds.

I always thought I just didn't feel the need to kiss someone or to touch someone, but now I looked at George. If he would kiss me, I wouldn't stop him at all. I would let him touch me if he wanted to. My face heated up again and I smiled as I thought about it.

I suddenly heard the teacher call out my name and she smiled at me. 'Hi, Clay. I'm a bit thirsty, could you get me some coffee?'

I nodded and jumped up. George helped me tell my teachers I had ADD and they were all really nice about it. I was probably going to the principal after school to talk about it. I had taken my paper with my official diagnosis just to make sure so they all believed me.

I grabbed the cup and started walking away as my thoughts immediately went back to George. He was so incredibly handsome and cute and I couldn't stop thinking about him. It was probably bad to think about others in this way when I had a girlfriend, but I was probably going to tell her soon. I didn't want to lie to her, but after today I really started doubting the fact I was straight.

I was fantasising about kissing a boy and I could deny for a really long while that I didn't like him, but I also knew I didn't think this about others. With that, I was really attracted to him already as I thought about touching and kissing him.

I was always a bit annoyed with people who constantly kept denying they liked the same sex as them, so I didn't want to deny I did. I probably liked boys as I thought back about my cheeks heating up, my heart beating faster, my thoughts about him and the weird feeling in my stomach.

But I had a girlfriend and I had never had these feelings for her, I had always thought I liked her and this was the feeling of love. Although now I had these feelings for George, it didn't feel like I liked her anymore.

I sighed a little and shook my thoughts away. I was going to make this coffee and then concentrate on class and not on George anymore.

I made the coffee without getting lost this time and after five minutes I was back in class, giving my teacher the coffee as I sat back down. I managed to concentrate on the class and after it had ended, I saw George walking up to me.

'Hi! Does it help to walk away to get some coffee?'

I nodded shyly. 'I can concentrate a bit better after walking around for a little.'

'That's great! Are you coming to the LGBTQ+ group tomorrow?'

'I might,' I smiled, but I was scared as well. I maybe wouldn't deny I liked boys for myself, but I didn't want others to know.

'Is everyone there part of it?' I muttered.

'No! Not everyone,' George smiled. 'Most of them are, but not everyone.'

'Are you?'

George smiled. 'Yes,' he giggled. 'I'm as gay as gay can be.'

'How did you come out to everyone?'

'I never really did, they just all knew. I never cared much and I always talked about how much I wanted to have a boyfriend, even when I didn't come out yet.'

I nodded and smiled.

'Are you okay with that?'

'Oh, yes! Of course,' I smiled. 'I support everyone.'

'I'm glad,' George smiled and looked at me. 'Do you like makeup?'

I shrugged. 'It's not my thing, but I don't mind it at all.'

'I respect that!'

'It's not that I'm homophobic or anything, it's just not my thing.'

'There are a lot of girls who also don't like makeup, that's not weird at all. What about nail polish?' George asked as he showed me his black and white nails.

'I don't mind that either, I just wouldn't do it myself. Black is fine though.'

'I can paint them if you want, you absolutely don't have to. I'm not going to force you to wear stuff you don't like.'

'You can paint them once, I just don't know if I'll be wearing it for long.'

George giggled. 'That's fine, what about tomorrow after the LGBTQ+ group if you're coming.'

'Sure.'

1040 words