• Eternal Night •

4

Annika tried to put the charger's pin in the mobile but failed even after multiple attempts. At least, she let the tears flow out of her eyes and then tried again. This time, she succeeded. Keeping the phone on the side table, she wiped her cheeks. She just sat there, wondering what to do now.

She felt a little angry. No. Very angry. She was seething. Or maybe she was just heartbroken and sad. She didn't know.

When she had said yes to get married to Shivaay, Annika didn't have any expectations or notions about how a marriage should be. She had just said yes because she wanted her family to get off her back and because Shivaay looked like a decent guy.

When they were courting each other, Annika had liked him. He was accommodating, well educated, intelligent, good looking and could be really funny when he wanted to. Then there was that part of him that was workaholic, stubborn and angry. She had not dated anyone before him so she didn't have a yardstick to compare him with anyone.

Over the years, she had learned his ways well. Maybe, she had fallen for him too. Annika's life with him was good. What she felt for him was not exactly love but it wasn't less than that either.

Annika took a deep breath. She was so clueless that it made her cry.

She often wondered what would have happened if she had dated anyone before marrying Shivaay. Would she have found someone better than him? Would she have found a partner who shared her interests? Or would she have failed? What if she met Shivaay differently? Would their relationship have more vibrancy? Some madness?

Her thoughts travelled to their wedding. Her Maasi said that she was happy to see her settle down. Annika wondered if she had really settled for Shivaay?

Annika closed her eyes. Their relationship was comfortable. Almost boring. Whenever she looked at Om and Rudra, with a heavy heart, Annika often thought that she got the most boring brother of them all. Shivaay had his moments, but she still wanted and wished for more.

Neither had Annika ever seen any illness in her family. In fact, she had not even witnessed a death of a near one yet. So when she had come to know about Shivaay's disease, she didn't know how to react. She had learned that he had a congenital condition, something that her family had not bothered to share with her.

She had learned about it randomly during a family dinner. Annika was told that he was prone to fainting, having irregular heartbeats if exposed to extreme emotions. As a person who never thought about such things, it was difficult to accept it.

Annika was glad that Shivaay had no episodes in front of her. Not yet at least. She was not equipped to handle it if anything of that sort happened. Last night had proved that to her.

When she had seen that monitor strapped to his chest, Annika had become thoughtless. She felt absolutely nothing. It was strange to see this medical contraption on Shivaay. Her throat had dried up and her palms had gone cold. God forbid if it turned into something genuinely seriously, how was she going to deal with it?

Clueless, she had told Shivaay to go off to sleep. She knew that she had fucked up. She knew that at that point, she needed to give him support. She could have hugged him, reassured him, done something that could have made him feel better.

It was no surprise when Shivaay asked her if she wanted to leave him. If she was in his place, even Annika would have reacted in the same manner. But still, the question infuriated her.

However confused, Annika couldn't think of her life without Shivaay now. She still had not named their relationship yet, but he had become a part of her life. The most important part.