• Eternal Night •

15

"You woke up early?" asked Annika as she sat down beside Shivaay.

He was sitting by the window, silently observing the sunrise over the dark blue beach. He smiled. "No. I couldn't sleep at all."

She clicked her tongue. She was about to open her mouth when Shivaay looked at her sharply. "Don't. Don't say a word."

With that, he quietly went back to looking out of the window. Taken aback by his outburst, Annika asked, "What's wrong with you?"

"You!" Shivaay said in a tone he had never used for Annika before. "It's you. You are driving me insane. Thank you very much."

"Me?" Annika asked in a shocked voice.

"Yes!" Shivaay sighed. "As weird and as surprising as it may sound, you are my problem. I..."

He could talk no more and tiredly laid his head back on the armchair. He squeezed his eyes shut and whispered, "We need to talk, Annika. For once and for all."

Feeling unreasonably angry, Annika banged the glass of water that she was holding on the table and sat down in front of him. Crossing her arms, she grumbled. "Fine. Talk."

Shivaay looked at her steadily. He loved her deeply. He had accepted her with everything he had. But sadly, he couldn't say the same about her. She always held herself back in the relationship. He hated it. Worst, he didn't know if he wanted to correct it or not. He was dying anyway.

"You feel bad for yourself..." Shivaay spoke. His tone was not accusive, not hateful. He was just stating a fact. "Don't you?"

"What the hell?" Annika screeched. "What are you talking about?"

Shivaay remained calm. "I know what am I talking about. You always want to feel bad for yourself. The thoughts about how you are a good person who never did anything wrong in her life, how you deserve everything, how everyone is out to get you, how you everything is wrong in your life; they go on in a loop in your head."

"Are you drunk?" asked Annika. "Cause seriously, that's what you sound like right now."

Shivaay sneered. "I wish I was drunk."

Annika held her head. "No shit."

"Yeah, no shit..." Shivaay sighed. He paused for a while before speaking. "Do you know why you never had friends in school or college or whatever? Because you were so obsessed about feeling bad for yourself. Look at me, no one loves me. No one wants to hang out with me. I am the outcast. You actively posed as a victim. There might have been people who wanted to be with you but I am sure you rejected them. Because they would have spoiled the narrative you built in your head."

Annika rose from her chair. "Keep talking. I don't have the time for your bullshit."

It didn't bother Shivaay. He continued. "That's why you hate Mallika. Because she is seemingly better than you in all regards. Her presence awakens your dormant insecurities."

Annika stopped and turned around. "What the fuck did you say?"

Shivaay smiled. "You heard me."

"Insecure?" Annika yelled. "I am insecure of Mallika?"

Shivaay shrugged. "Not just Mallika but everything else that stops the little pity party in your head. If that wasn't the case, why wouldn't you let me near you? You know why? Because if you admit that you love me, you can no longer say that you don't have a good partner. And you would hate that."

Annika was so enraged on hearing that, that she grabbed the glass and threw it on the wall. Shivaay flinched a little but his remained impassive.

"And this," he pointed. "Is your resistance. You never accept stuff."

*******************

"Hello!!" Mallika's bright voice greeted from the other end.

"Hey..." said Shivaay.

There was a beat of silence from Mallika's side. Then she asked, "Did you fight with Annika?"

Shivaay sighed. "Yes. How did you guess?"

"Well," Mallika also let out a breath. "One can be this low on a vacation only if one fights."

Shivaay chuckled. "That's true."

"What happened?" pressed Mallika.

"Chod na yaar. Humara toh roz ka hai..." mumbled Shivaay. "You tell me. What's up?"

"All good. You are okay. Right?" asked Mallika. "Any issues?"

"Just constant heaviness in the chest. But I don't know if that is physical or emotional. I can live with it though. I wish you guys were here though. It would have been fun..." Shivaay trailed off.

"Shivaay," Mallika sighed. "Whatever it is, sort it out with Annika. Spend some great time with her. This probably is the last time you can roam around like this..."

Shivaay closed his eyes. "Who will tell that to Annika?"

*******************

"Did you call Shivaay?" asked Kalyani.

"Yes," Prithvi nodded. "He is fine."

"Okay..." Kalyani rotated the rosary beads between her fingers. "I hope Annika is fine too."

"Yeah. But she sounded a little upset..." answered Prithvi.

Kalyani sighed. "They must have fought."

Prithvi nodded mutely. After a thought, Kalyani asked, "Do you think we made a mistake by getting Annika and Shivaay married? I have never seen Annika happy with Shivaay. And I don't understand what the problem is. Even now when he is..."

She couldn't speak anymore. Prithvi rubbed a tired hand over his forehead. "Well. It does not matter anymore."

Tears welled up in Kalyani's eyes and she looked away. "You are right."

"If it is of any worth, I hope this relationship teaches Annika something. And I hope she always remembers Shivaay with love and respect..." mumbled Prithvi and wiped the edge of his eye.