• Eternal Night •

16

"Do you want to go on a walk?" Annika asked apprehensively. "We will not go too far."

Looking at her face, Shivaay shrugged. "Fine."

He pulled on a jacket and zipped it. He threw on his shoes and opened the door for her. Annika walked out. Shivaay followed her. Not knowing what to do, Shivaay whispered, "After you." 

Annika nodded mutely and started to walk. They walked in complete silence not knowing what to talk about with each other. Shivaay almost laughed at his fate. Two years of being married to her and he still didn't know how to initiate a conversation. His heart twisted painfully in his chest. He suddenly didn't want to walk. He didn't even want to be on this vacation. It was all so stupid. It was unnecessary. He wanted nothing. He just wanted to go back home to his parents and grandparents.

His eyes watered and blinked furiously to keep the moisture away. Shivaay turned his head away and forced himself to look at the trees, the beautiful beach, the fog settled between the shrubs, the flowers, the beauty around him. Everything looked meaningless.

"Shivaay," he felt Annika's hand on his shoulder. "Are you crying?"

With horror, Shivaay realized that he had been sniffling. Stubbornly, he kept his face away from her. "No. It's the cold weather."

"No..." she stated equally stubbornly and stopped him. She forced him to look at her.

Staring at him with her big eyes, she wiped his tears. "Why are you crying?"

"I am not..." Shivaay insisted.

Annika was not having any of it. She held his hand and dragged him to the nearest bench. Both of them sat down but Shivaay kept his eyes firmly on the ground.

"I am sorry..." Annika whispered.

Shivaay didn't raise his eyes. What was he supposed to say to that?

"I didn't mean to say anything to Mallika. I don't know why her mention pissed me off..." said Annika.

Shivaay sighed. "Annika I hope you know that this isn't about Mallika."

He looked at her with watery eyes. "This is about me. This is about you. About us. I don't understand our relationship. I don't what am I doing wrong or what can I do differently? It is almost like whatever I do, it is never enough in your eyes. And when I ask you what do you wish for, you speak a language I don't understand. Why does this gap exist between us?"

"I don't know..." whispered Annika tiredly.

"You should!" Shivaay muttered and exhaled noisily. Tears sprang in his eyes again and he hastily wiped them away. "I can talk about Mallika. She is my friend. I am allowed to have friends. I am allowed to have other relationships. As long as I am not cheating on you, I am not being disrespectful to you, I don't understand the problem with having a genuinely good friendship. If you have a friend, I won't have a problem with it. And I mean it."

Annika sat there, twisting her fingers. Shivaay continued to rant.    

"And if you feel anything, if you have a problem, speak to me. Share it with me. Why do you keep it within yourself? Do I not mean anything to you? Even a little? I don't even expect you to love me but just as a friend...do you..."

His voice choked as all his emotions came out. Licking his lips, he breathed through his mouth. "Do you mean nothing to you? What is this marriage?"

Annika remained quiet much to his dismay. When he looked up, Shivaay saw that she was crying as well. Holding her wrist, he pulled her closer to him. "Tell me, Annika. Really. Do these two years mean nothing to you? Because I am genuinely confused. I have been really patient with you but I am at my wit's end. I don't have time now. I want to do the right thing before going."