• Eternal Night •

25

"So," Aditya scrunched his forehead. "Let me get this straight. You like him and yet you are not with him?"

Annika threw her head back. "Listen, it is not that simple."

"Then?" Aditya asked.

Annika stared at her cousin. How was she supposed to explain these volley of expressions to someone else when she herself didn't get them. She sighed. "I don't know. Everything is a mess."

He laughed. "It sure is. Otherwise, uncle wouldn't ask me to talk with you."

"Adi..." Annika stretched her words. "You know how I am. Right from my childhood. I have hated these attachments. Always. It's not different now. I just cannot get myself to do these things. It's not like I don't care about Shivaay but for the life of me, I cannot get myself to do anything else."

Aditya scoffed. He opened the fridge and opened a beer bottle. Taking a sip from the bottle, he said, "Mujhe toh pehle se hi pata tha ke tujhe Alexithymia hai. No one listens to me."

"Shut up!" Annika glared at him. "Is this the time to joke?"

"I am not joking..." he shrugged and sat down on the couch. "But really, you have to do something about this. You can't live for this forever. No one can."

"I know..." sighed Annika dejectedly. 

"My head is spinning because of you..." Aditya switched on the television and played the news. "Only you can be stupid enough to have a guy like Shivaay in her life and still fuck up." 

"Gosh yaar shut the fuck up!" Annika flared. "Everyone is after my life and you don't start it too." 

Aditya gave her a look. "My god, calm down. Why are you so snapping so much?" 

"Because I hate this!" Annika punched the cushion. "Everything is just about Shivaay. Always. Ever since I married, it has always about him. His work. His family. His achievements. His family gave me respect because I was his wife and not because I deserved it. If tomorrow he marries someone else, she will get what was supposedly mine. Now it is about his health. His choices. Everyone wants me back because he wants me. If he didn't, they wouldn't bother. And fuck, even my parents feel the same." 

She walked towards the window in agitation. "Where am I in all this, Adi? I am lost. I have ceased to exist beyond Shivaay. And I do not like it at all." 

Aditya just stared at her wordlessly. He rolled the chilled beer bottle on his forehead and sat still for a while. Then he got up and stood beside her. Staring at the trees, he whispered, "I haven't been the best human or the best boyfriend or the family guy but I think you are taking everything in a wrong way." 

Annika's jaw clenched. He continued, "I mean theek bhi hai, sari complexities, sare issues hamesha male lead ko hi kyun ho? Right?"

Annika clicked her tongue and punched his gut. He grimaced but laughed. He took her in a side hug and said, "You are so stupid you know? Who says that you don't matter? You do. You always did. Shivaay or no Shivaay, you will always matter to us. But that's how it will be for Shivaay and his family. Don't you think?" 

Annika didn't answer. Aditya tried to explain, "The thing is that he is ill. Gravely. So it is natural that everyone's priority will be his comfort, not yours. Even your parents. And think of it Annika, he has been a great son-in-law. Your performance as a daughter-in-law is debatable. So it is obvious that your parents will like him."