• Eternal Night •

18

"Hi..." Shivaay whispered as he sat down beside Annika.

She smiled. "Hi."

Shivaay managed to give her a small smile and looked away. He could hear the distinctive noise of the crickets chirping in the background. The smell of the various garden flowers lingered in the air. He sighed. It was such a beautiful night. If only he didn't have to ask Annika hard questions.

"So..." he drawled. "Did you think about it?"

Annika took a deep breath. "Yes."

"And?" he asked, his voice bordering on desperation.

"My answer is the same. I will do whatever you want..." she answered without missing a beat.

"Annika..." Shivaay trailed off and agitatedly held his head. "Why the fuck are you being this difficult? Just say yes or no and free me from this hell."

Annika's eyebrow raised up. "Hell?"

Shivaay went quiet for a while before saying, "Yes! It is hell! And I am not sorry for it. Just bloody say if you want to separate or not and finish it off. Trust me, I will be okay with anything. I just don't want to spend my remaining time lamenting about broken relationships..."

"This!" Annika huffed. "This is your problem."

"What?" asked Shivaay, genuinely confused by her words.

"You always take the topic towards your..."

She quietened and got up from the garden chair. She angrily dashed off towards the edge of the garden and then walked back again. "What do you think, huh? Hearing that bullshit will make all of us happy?"

Exhausted, Shivaay just looked at her. "Fine. Sorry. I won't say it. Now tell me if you want to leave me or not."

Annika also tiredly looked at Shivaay. "Why are you doing this? Why are you making this so hard?"

He didn't want to but he snorted, "I am making this hard? Really?"

Annika's vision blurred because of her tears and she squeezed her eyes shut. She knew she was making it hard for everyone. Especially Shivaay. But goddamn, how was she supposed to make peace with the fact that he was dying? What was she going to do if anything happened to him? And if it did, how was she supposed to live with these memories? How would it ever be okay to wake up one day and not have beside him?

She had never asked for a companion in life. Shivaay was a surprise and a pleasant one at that. Annika didn't know if what she felt for him was love or not but she was not equipped to let him go. All the emotions she was feeling; they were new. And she didn't know how to process them. She didn't know what to say or how to act.

Part of her brain told her to stay away from Shivaay because if he left, she wouldn't have too much to grieve. And then the other part of her brain chided her for that. She knew that it was not possible. She already cared for him way too much.

"Annika..." Shivaay called out to her gruffly. "I am talking to you. You need to speak up."

"Bloody hell, I know I do!" Annika screeched and sobbed. Then she helplessly squared her shoulders. "But I don't know how and where to start?"

Shivaay got up and stood in front of her. He wiped her cheeks. "For starters, stop crying."

"You too..." Annika smiled and wiped the wetness from his cheeks too. "Do I get to you this much that you have to cry?"

Shivaay held her hand and pressed his lips on her palm. "Yes. You do. Why don't you understand that we don't have the time for any of this? Either we spend the remaining time happy together or somewhat happy apart. Please Annika...I am tired. I can't deal with this anymore."

Annika rested her head on his chest. With trembling lips, she whispered, "I like you, Shivaay. I really do. But I don't know what to do with this information. Especially when you insist that you don't have time..."

Shivaay held her hand and yelped. "But that's a fact! Why don't you get it?"

He roughly grabbed her face and made her look into his eyes. "Don't you see it? I am not getting any better. And the sooner you accept this, the easier it will be for all of us."

"That's the only thing I can't do..." Annika cried dejectedly. "I just can't. Would you have accepted it if I was in your place?"

The question managed to quieten Shivaay. But after a while, he mumbled, "No. But I would have also accepted that I was in love with you. Neither would I have left you alone to grapple with this darkness."

***************************************

"You gotta talk with Rudra, Shivaay..." said Mallika.

"Why?" asked Shivaay.

"Well, 'cause he is your brother. He is disturbed. And the only person who can comfort him is you..." reasoned Mallika.

"Well, no!" Shivaay shrugged. "I won't be there for him all his life. He has to learn to cope alone. This is a good start."

Mallika stared at Shivaay and shook her head. "Then by regard, you shouldn't give Annika options either. Leave her alone."

"That's exactly what I am going to do..." said Shivaay. "I had gone to her house yesterday to ask if she wanted to stay with me or not. She didn't give me a concrete answer. I told her that she can stay there only...she is in no obligation to come back to the Oberoi Mansion."

Mallika wanted to tell him that love was no obligation but a choice. But she remained quiet. She didn't want to excite him by arguing. It wasn't the time to do that.

"Shivaay!" Prithvi's head popped in the room. "My child, are you ready?"

Shivaay glanced at his hospital clothes and nodded. "Yes."

"Okay good..." he informed. "The tests will start soon."

"Don't worry about him Prithvi!" assured Mallika. "I am with him."

Prithvi smiled and left. Mallika sank on the couch beside Shivaay and wrapped a hand around his hand. "I love you, Shivaay but Annika should have been here. Not me."

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Shivaay sighed. "Some things are not meant to be."