• Eternal Night •

33

Shivaay knew that he was supposed to feel good, feel happy that he was out in the open after so long. And after feeling the soft wind on his face, the sun, not hearing the constant beeping of the medical equipment but the chirping of the birds; he did feel good. But that was short-lived. 

With every nice thing, he felt even more empty inside, even more melancholic. The fact that he was probably seeing this for the last time made him restless. 

"Shivaay..." Prithvi ruffled his hair. "The park is beautiful. Great choice!" 

Despite feeling the harsh sting in his eyes, Shivaay nodded. "Yeah. It would have been better if we could go for the hike too though." 

Gauri clicked her tongue. "Excuse me but no. Hikes are too much. My make-up would have melted. This is much better." 

"Yeah," Mallika agreed. "This is perfect. Having a little picnic in the park with the family. Anyone that walks to have fun is stupid." 

Shivaay smiled at their efforts to keep his spirit up. He leaned onto Prithvi like he always did to draw strength and warmth from him. Prithvi was his rock. Prithvi's hand went around him and he took his grandson in a side hug. Rocking Shivaay a little, he said, "Do you where we are going next? Annika has planned it." 

Shivaay's eyes darted towards her. In her white dress, she looked beautiful. He secretly wished that they weren't surrounded by everyone. He secretly desired that she was in love with him too so he could openly tell her what he felt.   

"What is it?" he asked, looking into her eyes that were lined with sadness. 

"It's a train ride. We all will have dinner while looking at the views. I have read that the route is very scenic..." she smiled. 

"Oh wow!" Soumya said. "Exciting!" 

"And don't worry about Shivaay's food. I had a word with them and as an exception, they have allowed us to bring in his food..." Annika trailed off. 

Shivaay wanted to say that he would rather stay hungry but he just nodded. He didn't wish to spoil the outing for his family. He forced himself to smile. "That sounds great, Annika." 

"Yeah!" Shakti patted her back. "When is the train departing?"

Annika looked at the mobile. "We still have one and a half hours to kill." 

"Oh cool," Rudra pipped up. "Let's play something till then." 

Om picked up his clue and pulled everyone up leaving Annika and Shivaay. "Come on. No excuses. Everyone will play!" 

Knowing that they needed to give Annika and Shivaay some alone time, the elders didn't protest either and wandered off. 

With a wistful look on his face, Shivaay watched everyone. Sighing, Annika moved closer to him. "What happened? Don't you like this place?" 

"No..." Shivaay shook his head. "I love the place. It's just that I...I can't stop thinking of other things. So." 

"I am listening..." she coaxed him with a soft smile. 

"Am I saying it though?" he smiled a little. 

"Well," Annika shrugged. "You can give me a chance. I know I have rarely listened to you but who knows, I might surprise you this time around." 

Shivaay's gaze fell. He whispered, "It's nothing. Just something stupid." 

Taking a deep breath, Annika slowly put a hand over his. "Your life, your thoughts, your insecurities, your fears...nothing can be stupid. Trust me. You never thought that my issues were stupid. And I genuinely respect you for that. So you can tell yours to me."

Shivaay looked at her with a different expression on his face. He smirked, "Where is Annika and what have you done to her?" 

She snorted. "This is her second version." 

"Ah!" Shivaay smiled. "Makes sense. But really, it's nothing. It is just that I am scared all the time. Who knows when I might see the Grim Reaper?" 

Annika quietened. Who was she kidding? She was on the edge too. And until she didn't seek a solution to the problem, she was going to be on the edge. A strange kind of sadness, a strange emptiness had settled in her mind. Nothing gave her peace or happiness anymore. And nothing could drive away Shivaay's thoughts from her mind. 

"The grim reaper will get one tight chapet from me if he dares to come anywhere near any of us..." Annika mumbled. "Aise bade saaro ko theek kiya hai maine." 

Shivaay shook his head. "Thank god that the Grim Reaper does not know Hindi or Punjabi. But seriously, kaun aata for Indians? Grim reaper or yamraj? Yahan bhes lana thoda problematic hoga. Nahin?"

Annika had to laugh. "I agree. Americans will consider it animal trafficking." 

Shivaay nodded and smiled lightly. "Then how did they allow Rudra in?" 

Annika pressed a palm over her mouth and giggled. "Oh come on. You are too much." 

"No really," he grinned. "Gadha hai properwala." 

"That's mean!" Annika remarked with a little glare. 

But the soft smile on her face remained. So did the little light she felt in her heart. She rested her back against the tree bark beside Shivaay. They both sat there in silence, observing everything. It was nice to not fight with each other. 

"Do you think we got married in haste?" asked Shivaay after a while. 

Annika looked at him. "Why do you ask?" 

"I have been thinking about it a lot. I think if we had dated each other for a while, or just taken some more time to know each other then it would have been nicer. Maybe we could have understood each other better. Maybe our marriage would have been successful..." he shrugged. "But I dunno. At least to me, the marriage felt like a natural progression. Why wait for something that was bound to happen after a few years anyway?" 

"You are awfully sure that I would have married you..." said Annika. 

Shivaay smiled. "No. But at least there wouldn't have been bad blood if you hadn't. At worst, it would have been just a relationship. Like it is with Mallika." 

Annika nodded. Then she asked, "If you didn't have this issue and our marriage had not worked, do you think you would have married Mallika?" 

Shivaay took a long time to think about it. "I don't think I have it in me to marry anyone now. I am done for life." 

"Really?" Annika raised her brows. "Not even a fleeting thought?" 

Shivaay patted her hand. "Look at my face, Annika. Why will a dying man lie to you?"