• Eternal Night •

32

Shivaay knew something was wrong when Rudra, Gauri and Soumya came to the States saying that they were missing him. He almost laughed. Sometimes, the family seemed to forget that he didn't have an issue with his brain. He could still think and judge every single thing. 

Still, he smiled and let it be. What was he going to do by knowing the truth anyway? 

"You guys can go to Cedar Point," said Shivaay. "I heard that it is a great amusement park." 

Rudra nodded. "We will all go together when you get better. Yeah?" 

The smile fell off Shivaay's face and he remained quiet. 

His head was a mess. He couldn't help but feel sorry for himself. Shivaay dreamt of living a good life. A lot of times he imagined himself as healthy, without the heart ailment. He saw himself going to restaurants, eating whatever he wanted. He saw himself going on vacations, doing all kinds of things. Sometimes, he saw himself go sky diving. Sometimes, he saw himself diving in the depths of the bluest oceans. Sometimes he saw himself skiing through a thick blanket of snow. 

On particularly bad days, Shivaay saw a small little human in his arms. He saw two little eyes, just like his own, staring at him with all the love possible in the world. 

He could hear the mixed voices of his family in the background, their laughter and their leg pulling. 

But Shivaay also knew that he was never going to get it. Soon, the curtains would come down for him. He was never going to get anything that he was imagining. 

He was never going to see his parents get old. He was never going to see Rudra get married. Or Mallika for that matter. He was never going to see Om and Rudra's children. Neither was anyone going to call him a father. He was never going to experience the joy of holding his own flesh in his hand and then raise it. 

He was leaving his parents alone. Sure Om and Rudra were going to be there for them. But it wasn't the same. Was it? He just knew that it was going to make them terribly lonely. There was nothing he could do for that. 

And then, he thought of Annika. What was going to happen to her? Would she find another guy? Would he treat her right? Would he also care for her as much as he did? Would he also love her fiery eyes, her stupid smile, her silky hair? Would he also spoil her silly?   

Would Annika let her inhibitions this time around and love that guy? Shivaay hoped that she did. What kind of life had no love in it? He wanted her to experience love. He wanted Annika to know how it felt to love someone wholeheartedly and to receive love in equal measure. He wanted her to fly, to soar, to bask in love. 

So what if he couldn't get her love? She needed to have a better fate. 

Shivaay let out a sigh and closed his eyes. It was getting tougher to pretend to be okay every day. He wasn't. Every moment, every breath he took, weighed heavy on his chest. He had no idea how long could he continue to do this without breaking down.    

"I was thinking of going somewhere," Om cleared his throat. "Maybe Paul will allow us to take you away for some hours. Nothing strenuous." 

"Is that possible?" asked Soumya. 

"Yes," Annika said in a quiet voice. "We asked the doctor and he was okay with it." 

Shivaay raised a brow. "So which one of you is going to pick me up and walk?" 

"I would," Gauri shrugged. "But you still are bigger than me. So my bets are on Rudy and Om."

"We can take turns!" Rudra chuckled. "Because honestly, you are a hand full for me alone." 

Shivaay also smiled. "Sounds horrific. I will pass." 

"Come on!" Om protested. "It will be nice. The open air will do good for you." 

Shivaay shook his head. "I don't want these momentary distractions, Om. It's fine. If I am going, let's just make it quick. I will be very honest with you guys, I am tired. I really don't have the energy to do anything at all." 

Everyone's faces fell. Shivaay hated it. But he didn't want to sugarcoat anything either.

Annika looked at him silently. There was so much that she wanted to say. But like always, she found her tongue glued to the top of her mouth. If he was refusing his family, what chance did she stand? 

And to be honest, it wasn't even that. She wanted to spend some time with him. After their disastrous vacation, this seemed like a small but second opportunity. Who knows, maybe this time around, she would have made him very happy. 

She was thinking about all that when she felt a small nudge from the back. She looked and saw Mallika making eyes at her. For a brief second, she didn't understand. Then she did. Nodding, she turned towards Shivaay. 

"I don't think anyone is asking you, Shivaay..." Annika said slowly. "You know this place better than anyone else here and you are taking us out. Simple as that!" 

She saw the shock register on his face at first. Then confusion. Annika enjoyed both. She knew that Shivaay hated being treated as an invalid. He was always the man who was in control. She knew that if she spun the same day trip around, he would agree. He would do everything if his family's emotions were in line. 

"But..." 

"But what, Shivaay?" Annika cut off his protest. "Socho na...everyone is here since a month now. Everyone is always around you. Everyone is tired too. We all deserve to go out and relax for a while. Isn't it?" 

He sighed. After a while, he nodded. He directly looked at Rudra and said, "Fine. But if anyone complains about the place then I am going to punch them in the face." 

Rudra raised his hands in defence and Annika grinned. "Totally. You do that." 

She then secretly held Mallika's hand and gave her a reassuring squeeze. Maybe Shivaay was right. If she tried hard enough, she and Mallika could be friends.