So it goes [Breakable Heaven #1]

43. It's not science, it's inexplicable

Friday night is a blur. Jean suggests we go for a beer somewhere, but I fake a headache so that I can lock myself into my room with my cat and sleep off the whirlwind of emotions that the past days have been. I must be really tired because I fall asleep the moment my head touches the pillow, which is something really unusual for me, but a blessing nonetheless.

Saturday morning I wake up feeling my heart is heavier than ever. I feel like in the past year I've lost everything: Lilian and our life together, my job, what I have built for myself here, and last but not least, Rory. I just can't regret the decision I made, because that means Rory is now free of me and of the constant reminder of our failed relationship, so she can go back to ruling the school and being the best teacher I know.

The only problem is that, without a job, I can't stay in Spain. While it's true that I can always find another one - there are plenty of English schools in Seville, and I'm pretty sure all of them would like a qualified, experienced mother tongue teacher - I can't help but feel like this is the end of the Spanish chapter of my life. It's sad, and I don't want to leave, but I see no other way. I will go back to Los Angeles, maybe crash at Rachel's while I look for a job and for an apartment, and I'll start all over again.

"Oh Sirius, I really hope you'll like LA," I say to my cat and I immediately panic because I have no idea what the laws on transporting and importing pets to the US are, so I grab my computer and I start googling it. Luckily, I only need a few vaccinations and a health certificate issued by a veterinarian stating that the cat is fit to fly. I let out a sigh of relief: out of all the things I've lost, I just can't lose Sirius.

A knock on my door distracts me from planning my impending move back to Los Angeles.

"Hey," Jean comes in and sits on my bed. "Are you ok? You look like you've been run over by a truck. Is it still the headache?"

I shake my head. "I wish it was."

I don't know how I'm going to introduce the topic of my resignation to Jean, but I have to tell her, and I have to do it now. I can't have her find out by someone else on Monday, I just can't.

"Look, there's something I need to tell you. I... yesterday I gave my resignation to Violeta. I'm leaving the school, possibly the country."

"YOU WHAT??" she screams so loud that Sirius jumps on the bed, startles. He doesn't run away, though, as he's the bravest cat I've ever known and it takes more than a shriek to scare him away. "But why?? Does it have anything to do with your breakup with Rory? Sash, has she pressured you to leave in any way? Because if she has, I swear to god..."

"No, no, it's not her fault!" I interrupt her, feeling a little irritated that once again my best friend has immediately assumed the worst about Rory. I reluctantly tell her what happened on Thursday; she needs to see the whole picture to understand my decision, and I can't have her think Rory is the kind of selfish bitch who would drive someone away just because they're not together anymore.

"Sash..." Jean sighs as soon as I'm done with the story. "God, you really have fallen hard for this girl, haven't you?"

"Yeah," I murmur. "I really have. And I can't be responsible for her career going down the drain, J. I won't be that person for her. If we can't be together anymore, I at least want her to cherish the good memories we have together without tainting them with resentment for her bad performance at work. Think about it, what if Violeta hadn't realized Rory had made a mistake correcting that Bulats? The student's family would have probably sued us, and Rory would have been fired, and all because she is too busy running away from me and for what she feels for me. It's not fair."

"But why do you have to be the one leaving? If she feels that uncomfortable being around you, she should be the one resigning, not you," Jean insists. I can tell my reasons haven't fully convinced her. "I don't want you to go just because she's too ambitious to leave a place she has already sunken her claws into."