Highschool Clichés

~Chapter 30~

I can't recall a time I could ever describe my life as peaceful, serene, or even blissful. It was too shambolic to be considered a life worth living, to begin with. Too many miscellaneous memories of degradation, pain, and stacks of grade A humiliation, made me think I would never feel whole again.

I often wondered if it was because of the choices I made. Would my circumstances be different if I had fought harder for my self-worth and dignity when I was younger? Would I have still been decreased to a shell of the person I once was? Maybe, maybe not; I'm still in the process of trying to figure out the what if’s of my life, and the endless possibilities of what could have been.

But despite all my doubts, I still had enough aspiration for one more thing. Something, that makes me smile, and laugh, and foolishly hope that there could be a ridiculously, bright future out there waiting for me. Something, that makes me feel genuinely happy and alive again since my father's death.

Something, like love.

And for the first time in a long time, I no longer feel a burning loliness consuming my very existence.

But with love, there is pain, and with pain, there is sorrow. Could I live with myself if something was to happen to my chance of happiness? Could I really be prepared for it? The answer, is no. It will always be no. The world we live in can never be sunshine and rainbows, no matter how much we want it to.

How can I live the life I want, if my mother has already paved a path for me in her selfishness and greed? I can never delude myself into thinking that there is a chance of basking in my sunshine and chasing the end of my rainbow. I will always be a mere speck that can be used to everyone's heart content, but I am my mother's daughter. I'm selfish too, so why not take my chnace at love? The chance of happiness?

It might be the worst time ever to take what I want, but I have no qualms of letting go. Not when I have already gotten a taste. A taste, of all-consuming passion, love, desire, and crippling, mind-numbing sex.

A taste of Seth...

                                                        ~~><~~

"Where are we going?" I groan, just about fed up with his silence. I twist in my seat, eyeing his relaxed, almost lazy profile.

The roads are already being blocked for the upcoming winter. Snow don't usually fall in our remote, little town, but when it does, it comes in one, full swoop. Everything is covered in white layers of knee-high snow, almost looking like the start of a beautiful painting that doesn't get finished.

Seth sighs, "You'll know when we get there," he shoots me a quick glance, his mouth tilting up just the slightest. "Besides, you know the place."

I frown. I know where he's taking me? I look out the window, watching the blures of trees wisk by as Seth drives down a curved road. The area is shrouded in greenery, trees so big and tall, they block out most of the little peeks of sunlight through the dark clouds in the sky.

My surroundings both feel and look familiar, but I can't seem to put my finger on how I know this place. That is, until Seth drives down a familiar graveled path, just as the view of the beautiful, modern cabin overlooking the now frozen lake comes into view. A sound between a gasp and a laugh leaves my lips.

Seth chuckles. "I told you."

The last time I was here, it was dark and I didn't get to take in the full beauty of the place, but now, it is absolutely beyond words. It's like the house is too beautiful to be surrounded by all this wild vegetation, but somehow, it fits in perfectly.