break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored.

better off

the car door slams lightly with great tug. for some reason kim jennie ruby jane decided to be quiet with her arrival. she is getting attached to the idea of opposites, thus the low sound of her supposed slamming door in tandem with the noisy mansion designated for the afterparty of their graduation. she lets her high heels clank on the cobblestones and makes her presence known. they bow to acknowledge her, throwing loud "hey girl", "want a drink?", and "you look stunning in blonde hair!" as she naturally kept her gaze straight to the door, the extras unattended.

as per usual, she comes when the party has started, directly going to the kitchen where the goodies are at.

she opts for scotch. pouring down the liquid down her throat, she eyes her luxe-looking twist cut-out blouse from alexanderwang.t along with her spooning pin-stripe skirt, and admires how panty-dropping she looks in the full body mirror dumped against the kitchen stove. she thinks she'd look better in this fit with her brunette hair.

she takes another shot but this time it's jose cuervo's. she shoots a wink towards im jaebum who's feasting with his eyes, the memory of giving him a lap dance fully dissipated in her memory, that the man didn't quite relate with.

with her 1/4 cup full of tequila, jennie grooves around with the scattering crowded folks she used to call schoolmates. she raises the cup and bottoms up to congratulate everyone in the best way she could for blurring the details of this familiar house. she goes back in the kitchen and spots kim hanbin, his buddy, sulking in the corner.

"hey buddy!" she screams in a tone deafening causing hanbin to pout. "what are you doing here sulking in a corner like a busted boy?" she giggles when he swats her index from poking his sharp nose.

"exactly how you described it, jen." instinctively the blonde rolls her eyes at the nickname. "you came with a plus one and now she's busy eating someone else?"

"maybe." he shrugged and pouted further, pushing his back into the wall. "kid-" she pulled him out and he obliged, "yerim is into girls...generation, erm, not the point. she's probably in a room with her friends watching girls generation." that was close, jennie thought internally and mouths an "ugh" when hanbin finally drank the remaining alcohol from jennie's red plastic cup.

"you'll need more than that to loosen up," she mumbles and pours the contents of the tequila bottle in two cups. they clash their cups and drink it in their system, aiming to get lost in the intoxicant.

"good, right!?" jennie yells whilst they sway, heightening their intoxication with the aqua vitae in their cups, moving and grooving with the EDM blaring from the speakers.

"yeah!" he shouts back, picking up the dance moves he used to perform in high school, causing people to turn and look at him. jennie shoots her gummy smile at the boy and cheers him on. soon after she leaves him be to refill her cup.

jennie shouldn't stay long, but there's something about this drink and the kitchen counter she finds comfort in.

it's familiar, she thinks, and then gulps the remaining tequila in her cup, only to refill it to the brim. jennie glues herself against the counter, behaving her feet from going anywhere just to revive comforting memories she used to get to sleep. she eyes the almost empty hall and shoots daggers with her eyes.

"enjoying?" the blonde's drink spilled droplets of alcohol into her hand, small enough for her to only notice. she turns her head calculatedly, winces at the knocking and knowing feeling spreading her skull. "you surprised me." jennie gives lisa a small, practiced smile, content enough for the host.

"i'm sorry for that," lisa says and then moves toward the cabinets attached to her walls, fishing out various kinds of chips into the table, unpacking and pouring the contents in a huge bowl and beckoning the guests to pass it around. jennie watches as much as she can. memorizes as much as she can, eyes never leaving the thai like second nature.

this is how it is.

this is not how it should be.

kim jennie ruby jane gulps down the liquid in her system to tape her mouth shut from the occurring thoughts inside her head, ignoring the pleas to be released like a girl group's full album.

i prepared for this. mastered this to perfection. made sure countless scenarios were treated the way i wanted to.

but the spilt drink wasn't practiced. nor getting victimized by her magnetic field, again. nor waiting for her to finish tending her guests so she can pay attention to me, and only me.

i prepared for this. mastered this to perfection. made sure countless scenarios were treated the way i wanted to. but why...

the declaration bursts inside the blonde like fireflies begetting the tingling sensations from her pharynx to her diaphragm — and soon to every vein pumping essentially, glowing like limelight.

i'll never be ready for you.

jennie screams it with her brown feline eyes as she watch lisa's side bangs bounce towards her direction, studying every curve of every flick of her ardent sculptured-by-the-gods face, disagreeing the pride scorching in her chest for her nonexistent bruises for calling the guard before she got knocked out, the familiar smirk contained.

like second nature being dumped.

"tough time?" jennie holds the opportunity with an empty cup, holding lisa's gaze longer than she expected. "not anymore," lisa sighs and casts her head low, dreading the time slipping away from her fingers.

"drink?" lisa raises her brow and jennie chuckles at her tensed expression, only the two of them can understand what it means. she hands her the half-filled cup of beer just to be switched with the full one. jennie rolls her eyes at lisa's antics and leans her body against the counter, regarding her favorite place for eternity.

"to...?" with raised cup clutched in her hand, lisa bore her eyes in jennie's, holding her tongue to proclaim the information she'll remind herself with for as long as summer lingers on her skin, "europe." jennie murmurs, for as long as south korea's prickling tan remains. "to europe!"

"to thailand!" jennie shouts hoarse and drinks the alcohol in tandem with lalisa manoban, her gummy smile set out.

"there are moments i know i could stay like this." jennie sighs after shooting her red plastic cup precisely in the bin. "what is it?" lisa slurs, keeping her red plastic cup in her hand.

"i could stay like this forever. now. with you."

"i'm sure there is a but" lisa cackles dryly, her expression hidden by the tilt of her head. jennie doesn't mind, she doesn't intend to examine it. "there is!"

jennie turns, the right side of her body leaning against the counter, her right arm balancing her as she gains the courage to look at lisa properly. "sometimes i wish i shouldn't have..." the blonde reaches for the raven's arm, trailing the tips of her fingers along, as if they were a human aimlessly walking on a bridge. "but then, what would've happened if i didn't?"

you're drunk, jennie. those were the words lisa almost uttered, accustomed to dismissing jennie's emotions.

"we wouldn't know."

jennie sighs and goes back to her initial position, her gaze away from lisa. "it's okay, lisa. like this."

"yeah, it's okay."