A Life On The Edge

Missing Posters

i don't know if i offended anybody with the intense detail of my last two chapters. if i did i'm really sorry! i'll start putting disclaimers and stuff from now on. i truly apologize if i made anyone upset or creeped anyone out. i'm not a murderer i don't think about killing people. i just watch a lot of Law and Order, i've become obsessed with the show How to Get Away with Murder, and watch too many independent thrillers on Netflix. i hope you guys keep reading and i'm really really sorry if i upset anyone!!!
Enjoy.

“I can’t sleep.” Lyle whispered.

“Neither can I.” I mumbled. We laid together in the bed that night staring up at the ceiling. It was 5:30 and my mind and my heart were still racing.

“Did this kind of stuff happen in the gang a lot?” Lyle asked. I didn’t want to think about it. “You know I don’t know much about your life with them. You don’t talk about it much.”

“There’s a reason.”

“I know. I just…I wish I could understand you like Blake does.”

“Blake?”

“It may sound silly but I was always a little jealous of the bond you two had. Even when you were on the phone I could hear the sorrow in your voice of how much you missed him…how much he missed you. I wish I knew more about you. I feel like I know so much but…I know I only scratched the surface.” I frowned.

“I’ve told you everything.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Okay…what do you want to know?” he stared at me in amazement. He turned on his side to look me in the eyes.

“Really?” he gasped. I nodded. “Okay…how long were you in jail for?”

“Six months, two week, and three days.”

“Wow. Um…did you ever have sex with Chris?” I cringed.

“Yes.”

“Was it ever consensual?”

“Yes.” His eyes widened. “Our relationship was…is…complicated. I thought what we were doing was perfecting natural. I thought that it was okay to show your love in that sort of way. He told me that the love that we shared was unlike…any other kind of love.”

“Did you two have sex while you were dating Ricky?”

“Yes.”

“What?”

“Like I said, it’s complicated. He wasn’t my boyfriend so I could date Ricky and he could date whoever he wanted. But we loved each other in a familial way…but it was screwed and disgusting. I thought that we were making love and it was natural. I didn’t know any better. That was my norm. That’s why it hurt so much when he left me in that cell…for months.”

“What did you do, on nights like this? When you couldn’t sleep because…someone had died.”

“Get high, have sex.”

“I don’t want to have sex right now.”

“Neither do I.” I sighed.

“Was that all you did?”

“No, when I couldn’t sleep I would go into Chris’s room. He would make a space for me in his bed and curl up next me. He’d sing me this song that made me feel warm inside. It would make me feel secure, and safe. It still does, I hum it sometimes when I feel anxious. It would put me right to sleep.” Lyle moved closer to me and put his arm over my stomach. He laid his head on my chest and snuggled into me.