A Life On The Edge

Sorry For The Wait

First of all I would like to apologize to all of my loyal and loving fans for keeping you guys waiting for so long on such an intense cliff hanger. Dick move on my part. I also want to thank all of the people that have given me such support throughout the writing of these books and I promise you to anyone who will read it, the prequel along with many other things are on its way.

As of why I've been gone for so long.

My life has been a nightmare and here is why. Shortly after I wrote the last chapter of this book and was in the middle of writing the first chapter of the prequel my computer died and deleted half of the book. I mean half of it. If you can remember all the way back to the homecoming dance, yeah my computer was in the middle of that chapter and then everything after that was blank. The chapters were literally nowhere to be found. Which wasn't so awful because they were all on wattpad except for the one I had yet to publish...that most important one. So I had to write the whole chapter over again. I'm not sure if any of you have ever experienced writer's block but it's one hell of a bitch.

Shortly after attempting to rewrite a chapter I had already written. My very close friend tragically passed away in a car accident. And shortly after that my boyfriend of 3 years was arrested and put in jail for something he didn't do. After months of investigation he was released. On top of all this stress I was dealing with some pretty heavy depression and a LOT of body and self-esteem issues. I am a college student, but because of these events my grades suffered immensely which came with some consequences of their own that I am currently dealing with.

My family was also going through some problems at the time. To make a long story short, coming home wasn't really something I looked forward too. My job wasn't and still isn't giving me very good hours so I was constantly broke, dealing with my boyfriend in jail, and the loss a dear, dear friend. Unfortunately writing seemed like an almost impossible task. I could barely write my essays for class let alone the last chapter of a project I had been working on for a few years. My mind just wasn't in the right place.

Once my boyfriend had been released I wanted to go ahead and deal with some of my body issues. I decided to get a breast reduction, so I was dealing with that as well, on top of the continuing problems at home and with my bank account. So most of my time was spent either at work, school, or spending some much needed time with my best friends. Once I had stabled myself, coming back to the computer to write was nerve racking. I hadn't written anything in such a long time I was terrified that anything I came up with would be just shit. It had gotten to the point where the thought of writing would give me anxiety.

I know this is going to sound conceited but I'm not used to not being good at things. If I'm not good at it, I don't do it. And the thought of sucking at something that has been such a huge part of my life terrified me to my core. I had already lost so much I wasn't sure what I would do if I had lost my writing to. It had gotten to the point where I had spiraled into depression again. I felt hopeless. I was failing in school, failing at home, failing in my relationship, I wasn't playing volleyball anymore which was once my entire life. I wasn't painting anymore, and I hadn't written not even a short story in forever.

I was failing

One day I laid down to go to sleep and I just...got tired of failing. I fixed my relationships, I working on making things better at home, I started competitive boxing just to get the good feeling of competing...and winning again. God, I'm good at explaining things...but I just can't put into words the excitement and accomplishment you feel when you work at something so hard. The rush of adrenalin pumping through your veins and the euphoria that bubbles up from your gut when your fight so hard for something...and you win.

I'm finally winning.

I bought a canvas yesterday and God willing I'll be able to stay in school and be right back at it next semester. So the only thing left to do was write. I kept sitting down and I couldn't tell if it was writers block or fear. I don't know what it was but last night...I just got tired of it. I couldn't sleep, all I could think about was closing this chapter of my life and opening a brand new one. I needed write an ending for this book and get started on the prequel. Write a whole new beginning for Riley...and me.

So I stayed up all night and wrote the last chapter of A Life on the Edge and I got to tell you, it was one of the most cleansing experiences of my life. When I had finished the chapter it felt like a win I had been fighting for, for such a long time. It was one of the longest volley's I've ever played. The longest match I've ever fought. The last stroke on the biggest and hardest canvas I had ever painted. It was one of my most achieving wins.

Shit...Even I cried at the end.

So once again. I am so, so, so very sorry for going MIA. I didn't mean to go ghost and it wasn't right that I did. But here is the last chapter of A Life on the Edge. It might be shit, but fuck it. I did my absolute best. I hope you all enjoy it...any of you who are still around to read it.

Sorry for the wait.

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