A Life On The Edge

Grieving

"You know me so well." I smiled. He smiled at me and moved over on the bench making room for me.

"Come here," he whispered. "Play me something." I sat down at the bench and took a big breathe as I rested my fingers on the, oh so familiar keys. I sat there frozen. I had no idea what to do. I hadn't been in this position for so long. My fingers felt at home but, useless.

"What do I play?" I asked looking over at Lyle for help.

"Anything. I've only ever heard you play one song." He smiled. I bit my lip trying to remember when it was I play piano for him. "At my wedding. Tina sang and you played." I nodded remembering that terrible day. "Blake would always tell me how good you are. I never really got to see it for myself." It had been a while since I played music from the top of my head. The last time I did that was in rehab. I messed up and got angry, I was so angry. I'm not sure what I was so upset for because it wasn't that big of a deal. I completely wrecked that room. I'm surprised they didn't kick me out and send me back to jail right then and there.

"I haven't played. It's been such a long time." I sighed. "How did you get a piano in here without waking me up?" I asked.

"Well first of all you can be a pretty heavy sleeper when you want to be. Cause this thing was dropped like twice." I giggled as he pointed at the piano.

"Where did you find it? How did you get it here?"

"I have to keep some of my secrets." He whispered putting his finger to my lips. I smiled and gave it kiss.

"I can't think of anything to play." I confessed.

"It's okay. Something will come to you." I saw him staring at me from the corner of my eye. I watched as he looked at me with worried eyes and a sad face. "Let it out." he whispered.

"There's nothing to let out."

"That's ridiculous." He huffed. "Riley. You've lost three of your friend in less than a month. Two of them in the same day. You've been so busy being basically super woman, taking care of everyone, you having given yourself a chance to grieve. You haven't mourned any of them. Not Jason, not Ethan, not even Emma. You can't let something like that just...fester inside of you. You have to let it out eventually." I frowned knowing he was right. I looked around the loft trying to think of something to play when my eyes landed on the front door.

I smiled.

"You probably don't want to hear about when I was here with Eli for the first time."

"If you want to tell me, I'll listen." He smiled. It was almost as if inspiration stuck, and my fingers started to move. I was muscle memory but it felt like my fingers were being moved by my heart. Memories stared to flow through my body. I felt like if I held anything in, I would just explode.

"When Eli and I were here the first time I was amazed by the space, and how empty and new everything was. I was just so mad at you and everyone back at home. Everything about this place was literally a brand new start." I bit my wobbly lip and continued to play. "I didn't even get a full tour when I hear a knock on the door. There he was. Smile on his face, all dressed up in a suit, with that classy foreign southern accent. He had that kind of voice that just made you feel warm." Lyle smiled. My eyes started to water and my voice started to tremble. "I remember that light in his eye when he smiled at me. It made me feel so good. I mean when I looked at Eli I just saw him. When I see you, I see the people you have around you and in your life. Tina, Jo, Blake, Logan, your mom, Ronnie, Titan, and even your friends from the wedding." He huffed. "When I see Eli it was just him. I mean sure there was his dad and his brother and Chris but he distanced himself from them. And when he left I figured he just kind of kept to himself. It was weird to see someone he connected with. Ethan was like his dad, his role model...Eli aspired to be him. Here he was this huge figure in his life, smiling at me. Happy to see me. He approved of me. He liked me, and that was such a good feeling."