A Life On The Edge

Welcome Home Baby!

Lyle wouldn't be home until 3:00 this afternoon. It was only 9 in the morning, so I had way too much time to kill. I decided to do some research on my little condition. Funny, you'd think I would've done this by now. After typing in some of my symptoms, I came up with just random allergies to things, like corn syrup, tomatoes, concentrated sugar, and random stuff like that. It wasn't until I got into some of my more serious problems I got something interesting. Chronic illness, sever nausea, seizures, and heart problems are all common symptom of drug abuse during pregnancy. These complications are more commonly found when oxycodone is abused by the mother. Although with proper medication at birth these problems can be easily resolved. When ignored the child can suffer from these complications for years and years, in some cases they may even carry on into adulthood. I sighed.

Fuck you mom.

"Hey," I jumped at the sudden voice. I turned around surprised to see Tina. "Dylan told me about what happened yesterday? Are you doing okay mini me?"

"Yeah I'm fine." I mumbled and turned back to the computer.

"Look baby if you want to talk I'm here,"

"I said I'm fine." I seethed. "I'm sorry if I don't want to talk about and analyze every tragic thing that happens to me. God damn it." I grumbled.

"Riley...are you still having flash backs?" she whispered. I froze and thought about the dreams I've been having. Sadie hasn't showed up lately but she's in my dreams more often than not. Even the ones she not supposed to be in.

"Leave me alone Tina." I grumbled.

"I really think you should start taking the medicine. Especially since you're revisiting your past and everything like that."

"Tina...you want to help?" I asked just wanting to change the subject.

"Yes please." She smiled.

"Go get Ryder and drag him out of work. I need to go over some of this shit with him." I mumbled.

"Can I help tell him what you found?" she asked. I nodded and turned back to the computer.

"Whatever you want. I don't give a shit." I grumbled scrolling through the page. I got angrier as I read through the article. They talked about scientific breakthroughs to help drug addicted infants and the complications that may follow. Things they had years before I was even born. I could've been okay, now I'm just a kid with fucked up health issues and weird allergies.

God, Lyle come home. I miss him so much. I just want to be wrapped up in his arms and consumed by his sent. I love the smell of his cologne. It gives me this nice, warm, safe feeling inside. I love the sound of his heartbeat. How strong and reliable it is. It's the only thing in my life that is constant and trustworthy...the sound of his heartbeat.

Bum, bum, bum, bum.

I can't even rely on my own heartbeat. It skips and speeds up, sometimes it stops and my chest tightens up just a little. I hate it.

Bum, bum, bu-bum... bum, bu-bum, bum, bum.

It worries him. I miss his worrying. I miss the sound of his caring. Are you okay? Can I get you something? What are you thinking? Can I help? I miss the smell of his breath. How it's always so minty and fresh. Even his morning breath has a lingering scent of his late night brushing. His teeth are fucking perfection. I miss the scruff of his beard. Oh I hope it's still there when he get back. I miss it. I miss all of it.

I miss all of him, and I just want him home.

I printed out the article for Ryder and sat on the couch with River and Dylan waiting for him to show up with Tina. A few episodes of Spongebob Squarepants later Tina comes walking through the front door with and confused and excited Ryder. I frowned at the anticipation of this conversation.