I Want What You Have - l.s

Chapter 17 - Harry

"Harry!!"

The sound of his Mum calling him filters through his ears, but it never registers in Harry's brain. Nothing's registering right now.

The complete and utter disappointment in Louis, in himself, in everything really, is still reverberating through his bones. Zayn figured out pretty easily that something more was going on between him and Louis. Harry had stood there for two good minutes in shock, nodding his head to Zayn's attempt at comforting him after Louis had fled the scene, even though he hadn't a clue as to what was actually coming out of his mouth. All Harry could focus on were Louis' words. "It was Harry. He asked me to come outside to get some fresh air and just started coming onto me."

Those words are all he has focused on since the second he realised their meaning. Just bouncing around in head, a constant echo of how stupid he was to have gotten his hopes up.

At first, he cried. Not right away. He remained in a state of shock as Louis left and Zayn tried his best to console him. He remained in shock as they went back into the pub and Zayn made up some believable excuse as to why they had to leave early, probably stating that Harry was hammered and needed to sleep it off. God knows he looked like it, considering how out of it he had been. It's all kinda blurry to be honest.

As Zayn drove him home, the shock started to wear off and the silence became deafening. Despondency started to creep in, causing Harry to question whether the scenery outside the window looked blurry due to the speed of the car, or the tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks.

He managed to make it home without crumbling in front of anyone. Zayn insisted on walking him to his door and giving him a hug before Harry went inside. He felt grateful that his friend wanted to be there for him, but, at the same time, Harry resented him a little for it because he knew it was mostly out of pity. Zayn probably just felt bad that Harry looked so dejected. Harry's sure Zayn probably thinks this is just Louis making some dumb mistake and that they'll all be back to being best friends in a couple days. The past forgiven and forgotten.

It feels heavier this time though. Like this is a part of him now. Even if he wanted to forgive and forget, it would be impossible for Harry to do so.

His house was empty and dark. As usual. His parents might've been home but even when they are as of lately, it still feels empty. He crept up the stairs to his room, barely restraining himself from collapsing onto the ground right then and there. The only thing keeping him going was the fact that his room contained a comforter and bed that he could bury himself in, put on his headphones, and try to escape reality for as long as fucking possible.

The tears finally cascaded down his cheeks as he stumbled into the comfort of his bed. He kicked off his shoes and hugged his pillow tightly to himself. Sobs racked throughout his whole body as Harry clutched the pillow even closer, pressing his face into the soft fabric as he tried to muffle the rest of the world. He vaguely acknowledged how his makeup was coming off all over his pillowcase. He had forgotten that he was still in his costume, the one that he had spent so much time on and had felt so excited for Louis to see...

He chucked off his shirt and threw it across the room along with his jeans and socks, leaving him in his boxers. The horns must have fallen off at one point during the night because they're no longer on his head. Harry tugs on a random hoodie that is lying within the tangled mess of sheets and climbs in under the covers.

Another round of tormented sobs tear out of him once he realises that the hoodie is an old, oversized, football jumper of Louis'. It smells exactly like him --eucalyptus, lemon, and a sweaty, boyish scent that can only belong to Louis'-- and Harry knows he shouldn't find it comforting but right now he feels so empty, all he wants to do is press his face into it until the rest of the world melts away.