I Want What You Have - l.s

Chapter 18 - Louis

Louis squints open his eyes to the sound of plump raindrops smacking against his windowpane. The wind howls, causing the whole house to feel like it might blow away at any moment. For a second, Louis feels a sense of panic course through him in fear that he accidentally slept through his alarm.

Then the logic hits him and he realises it's still dark outside; he can't have slept late enough to be at school. Not that he has been able to find the will to care much about school lately. Having to pretend that Harry acting like everything is fine when it's the complete opposite is tearing him up inside.

Louis sighs, listening to the gentle thrum of the storm outside. He and Tessa were supposed to go for their usual jog this morning but Tessa asked to cancel due to the storm. Usually Louis would put up a fight for cancelling just because of the rain, but this time the storm seemed like a very appealing excuse not to get up early and get soaking wet in the freezing cold on a Monday morning.

Except now he's up early anyway and the thoughts that have consumed his head all week have already wormed their way to the forefront of his mind. No run and not being asleep means nothing to provide him with a brief escape from missing Harry.

A week. Louis can't believe he has survived that long without Harry. He never realised how much he had gotten used to being able to spend time with Harry, doing the things he thought he would only dream of.

When Zayn had told him that Harry was willing to meet him on Friday, Louis had finally felt a spark of hope. He'd felt so nervous that he had been pacing back and forth thinking about what he wanted to say in the park near where Harry works after finishing practice early. He had even sprinted there, in fear of potentially being late and missing maybe the only second chance he would ever get for fixing things with Harry.

Louis had been so busy mumbling to himself as he walked in circles that he hadn't even noticed Eleanor at first. It wasn't until she had planted herself right in front of him that he finally looked up, mostly because he saw her shoes in his line of sight. She'd been the one to convince him to go sit down on that bench and Louis had been too focused on what he was to say that he hadn't even realised the time was already half-past.

He doesn't think he'll ever forgive himself for sitting down with her when he should have been on his hands and knees in front of that bakery, begging Harry to forgive him. Nope, instead his spaced-out head had been listening to whatever shit had been coming out of Eleanor's mouth. Louis doesn't even remember what she had been saying.

Not that he can't guess, he's sure she'd been spewing words that should have made him feel better except he knows Eleanor wasn't genuine about any of it. That's the thing with her, Louis can admit that she is smart and beautiful but she's also one of the most manipulating people that he's ever met. They used to be quite close when they were younger, she had been one of Tessa's best friends so Louis had spent a lot of time with her whenever they would hang out. Then Eleanor discovered boys and status or whatever, which Louis and Tessa could never understand, and all of a sudden she would never feel like hanging out with them anymore.

Louis' sure that Harry must've seen them together and that's why he never showed. By the time Louis managed to actually check the time, his phone read 6:34 PM. He had practically jumped from the bench and ran to the bakery but it was already dark and he was already gone. Louis had known the truth the second he rounded the corner and Harry was nowhere to be seen.

Louis closes his eyes, trying to force sleep to take over and give him a break from the pain of missing Harry so much. He feels like he fucked up his one chance to make everything better and now there's nothing he can do. He's helpless.

Nothing feels the same without Harry. He knows that he's being a bit dramatic about it all, he and Harry had only been romantically together for a month or so. Still, they've been best friends since they were only five years old. Louis has had Harry in his life as his best friend, more than that really since they're so close, for the past thirteen years and suddenly that's just vanished.