- 2 weeks later -
Maddie's pov:
I woke up in a fright. I adjusted my body up, my eyes instantly scanning the room. Where am I? Am I dead? Is this what happens when you die? Every wall was plain white, except one painting of a forest hung on the walls. I noticed many flowers, most dead in vases around my room. I turned my head and jumped back, startled. A young boy with bright blonde hair was asleep next to me. His legs were brought up to his chest as his head rested lightly on his knees.. Luke? Why was Luke here? He's not dead... I'm not dead. Then it hit me, i'm in the hospital. I felt my heart pick up pace, causing the monitor next to me to start beep unsteadily.
Everything that happened came back to me, it hit me like a truck. Literally.
I should be dead. I shouldn't be here! Why am I still alive.. My hands began to get clammy and breathes were uneasy. Then I heard a croaky, exhausted voice come from beside me. "M-Maddie?" Luke stuttered.
I turned to face him, wide eyed. Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he stared at me. "Luke?" I questioned.
"You're awake.. Oh my god, Maddie," he managed to get out between his tears. I felt two strong arms wrap around me gently.
"Luke.. Whats going on?" I asked, confused. I felt him mumble something as he nuzzled his head into my neck, hugging me warmly. A feeling of comfort and love came over me. Luke. Luke Hemmings was hugging me as he sobbed. The boy who used me was crying into my shoulder...
"Luke, please explain?!"
He loosened his grip wiping his teary eyes before smiling at me... But his face dropped as I gave him a glare. "You've been in a coma for 3 weeks.." he whispered.
"What!" I yelled, causing my head to spin like crazy.
"I thought you were dead, I thought you left me... Oh my fucking god Maddie, I was so worried!" Luke began to blabber on.
"What do you care?! And why are you here anyway?!" I snapped back furiously, before calming down and lowering my voice.
"I haven't left this room since I got here.. I couldn't leave your side... I can't believe you're awake." Luke stayed all this time.. He never left? Why would Luke out of all people do this.
"I know this is probably a shitload to take in. You've been in coma for fucking 3 weeks and you t-tried to-"
I cut him off. "Yeah I did try to kill myself because of you."
Luke instantly went quiet.. I'd never seen such a look in his eyes. "I did, I did.. This is all my fault.
Fuck! I did this, I did this, I did this," he started repeating as he looked at his shaking hands.
"Luke.. I didn't mean to say that, please stop saying that. Luke you're freaking me out!"
"I'm sorry, I am.. Fuck Maddie! Fuck! What have I done!? You tried to kill yourself because of me! Oh my god and I was thinking you might even hear me out. No, no, no. You hate me...I hate me." Luke started hyperventilating as he kept repeating himself, I could hardly understand him.
"I did it to protect you, and then this happened. I just didn't want you to get hurt, they were gonna hurt you Maddie! I had to! But then I hurt you and I love you...Oh god I love you. I hate myself but I fucking love you.. and I don't want you to forgive me. You can't, because look what I've done.. I'm gonna go! I'm sorry for everything! But sorry doesn't change anything...I love you and I always will."
I stared at Luke, maybe I am dead?.. Luke was freaking out as he buried his head into his hands. Luke loves me..No. He used me. But he did it to protect me? Who was gonna hurt me? So many questions were invading my mind. But I pushed them away as I grabbed onto Luke's shaking his hands. "Lukey, look at me," I whispered.
"No"
"Look at me," i repeated. He sniffled before bringing his eyes to mine. "Calm down.. Just explain, I don't know what you're on about!"
"No.. You need to rest. I shouldn't even be talking to you. Just rest ok? I'm gonna get a nurse," he began to change the subject. I rolled my eyes at the typical boy.
"Wait a minute.. For now i'm fine. I just need to know, if you don't tell me it's gonna worry me more."
His piercing blue eyes were glazed with tears. "I'm gonna get the nurse, I love you, ok.. Bye Maddie," he mumbled pressing a kiss to the crown of my head before shuffling out the room.
The doctor followed by a nurse walked in although no Luke.. He didn't come back all night. I had so many questions un-answered. Luke loves me, he does. No he doesn't. Yes he does... Does Luke love me?
After constantly begging the doctors if I could leave they finally discharged me after three long days.. Jasper was with me everyday, even the boys came... Everyone except Luke. I sighed at the thought.
I had been home for two nights and Jasper hadn't let me have any time to myself. "I-I'm gonna go out for a bit. Get dinner.. And groceries. Unless you don't want me to, I'll stay," he nodded trying to convince himself that everything was ok.
"Jasp i'm fine, go out.. Relax," I smiled at my older brother.
"You sure? You're gonna call me if you need me yeah? Promise," I soon realised tears were gliding down his cheeks. I stood up from off the cosy couch bringing my arms tightly around his waist.
"I know I tell you every minute but I'm so sorry and I'm never gonna do it again." Lies. "I wasn't thinking straight. I love you so much Jasp."
"Love you too Madd," he whispered.
After a few minutes of Jasper debating whether to leave me or not.. He finally forced himself out of the apartment.
I pulled my phone out, my finger hovered over Luke's name. I wanted to call him... I finally built up enough confidence and pressed the button. Although it rang out and went straight to Luke's message bank.
"Hey this is Luke, I can't get to the phone right now.. Leave a message at the.." *beep*.
I quickly hung up, letting out a deep sigh. I needed to see him, he hadn't bothered to make any interactions with me since the day he panicked and told me he loved me. I didn't believe it, even as much as I wanted to...
It had gotten late into the night and I woke up in a sweat as my hands shook. I felt like ants were crawling under my skin. I managed to calm my breathing quicker than usual.. It was just a nightmare. I took a deep breath, taking in my surroundings. I had a terrible dream where Luke broke up with me.. And everything went dark. Life wasn't worth living, because everyone leaves.. So I tried to kill myself.
Although it wasn't a nightmare. It was all real...
I pulled myself out of the bed, I looked over to my arm that was in a sling. I groaned, silently raking my hand through my hair.
I tried to kill myself. Luke hates me. Life is bad, bad, bad. I sprinted down the stairs and collapsed, sobbing uncontrollably. "You're ok Maddie, you're ok," I whimpered to myself. I wasn't though, I'm really not okay.
I soon found myself outside the boys' apartment, pacing back and forth. It was 3.00am and I was planning to talk to Luke now. Why?
I brought my knuckles to the door softly tapping, confused as to why I was here. I twisted on my heels about to leave.. But I heard a soft groan and mumbling. Then the door creaked open. A shocked boy stood there, his blonde hair fallen into his ocean blue eyes and a small frown on his lips.
Chapter 33....
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