Captivation

34: Shame

Shame (noun): a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.

Once I start running, I don’t stop, and it takes me a while to find a way out of the bad part of this strange small town. I don’t stop moving, and I follow the direction that the more populated portion of the town seemed to be from when I looked down at the town from my vantage point in the woods. Once I finally hit a main road, it doesn’t take me very long to get back to the water. I move quickly and the path is empty until I reach the nicer part of this peculiar little town. Then I have to dodge around people selling foods in carts and children laughing and playing in the street.

I see the sails first and I begin to move faster, pushing back the worry that soon they will be moving away from the shoreline, and me.  I hold onto the hope that they’re still packing the ship, or that Bradley is still in the woods trying to find me. Either way, I know that they’ll be gone soon. Maybe fate will throw a jab at me, and I’ll be stuck on a dock waiting for them. Maybe I’ll experience what it’s like to be Andrew, even though I did something to deserve this.

It feels like forever until I get close enough to make out the people on the boat.

Jamison is opening up some of the sails, and Bradley is putting crates back into the closets. I see Henry and I know that they’re only moments away from leaving the dock. I scream out his name because if I’m left here I will have nothing. I tell myself to calm down, that I’ve gone to unfamiliar places before, and that I’ve made it on my own before.

However, I never had a premade enemy and no friends. And something is different about this town that seems almost split down the middle by rich and poor. I have a definite premonition if I stay here. Something is off, it’s wrong, and it’s not just my almost attack.

“Wait!” I call out, although I know that there is a very small chance that I have been heard.

At first I think that my eyes might be playing trick on me, but Henry looks up and stops what he’s doing. At first I think he was called by someone else, that this could have been a mere stroke of coincidental timing, and instead of feeling relieved, or heard, I only move faster.

“Madelyn?” I hear him call my name. He heard me. They’re waiting.

The relief I feel in this moment is like no relief I have ever felt.

I push through the crowd of people who see Henry off, I run up the plank that connects the ship to the dry land. I run right into Henry’s arms.

I feel his breathing, it’s choppy, and his heart was racing. I think he was as worried as I was that I wouldn’t be here. That I wouldn’t try to be here. His hand runs over my hair and I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

I feel like I should let go of Henry, but his arm is around me and it’s holding me as tightly as he can without harming me. Jamison unties us and Bradley and Ron pull up the anchor, and then we’re gone, and I’m still standing with my arms around Henry and my hands latched onto the fabric of his clothes.

And then, I could say, almost suddenly, Henry lets go of me, and walks away. I am surprised at first, and I look back to see where he’s going, and I see him walk into his room, shutting the door behind him. It takes me a moment to realize that if Henry wasn’t hurt by my actions than he would be crazy. I place my hands on the edge of the ship and I stare out at the small town fading in the distance.

Far away it looks like a mirage, it almost appears to be rippling like the way a fabric does in the wind, or the way the reflection of the sun does on water. I wonder if it’s my imagination or if there really is something wrong with that small town.