Captivation

36: Ardent

Ardent (adjective): enthusiastic or passionate.

 

Genevieve, Mary and Jane meet me at the dock with warm smiles.

“Madelyn!” Mary says smiling, “I’m engaged!” She holds out her hand and shows me her ring. While I’m happy for her, it makes me feel sick. That could have been me.

“That’s wonderful Mary.” I tell her, smiling and meaning it, but I am sure that sadness shows in my eyes.

Genevieve gives me a look, and then her eyes flick to Henry. “What’s wrong?” She asks me.

“I screw everything up.” I give her a half smile that is nothing but bitter.

“Can you fix it?” She asks.

“No.” I tell her.

“There’s a party tonight?” Jane offers, and I know she’s trying to cheer me up, because to them, parties are exciting, they’re fun.

“Of course there is.” I say, and it only darkens my mood.

“Come with me.” Genevieve says. “Let’s talk and get you ready.”

“What does any of this matter?” I ask her, defeated, not defiant.

She sighs, “Because you matter to him. Don’t forget that.”

“How do you know.” I say, “You don’t know what I’ve done…”

“He keeps looking over at you Madelyn.” She says and then says her voice commanding, “No, don’t turn around.” I force myself to stay facing her and I force myself not to turn and see if she’s telling me the truth. “You matter to him. None of those other girls do.”

“Is that supposed to make him sleeping with another girl hurt less?” I ask.

Genevieve gives me a look. “No, Madelyn. I’m telling you this so that you realize that you can fix this. You might just have to leave your comfort zone.”

“I cried in front of him. That is leaving my comfort zone.” I tell him.

“No, sweetheart, Henry is your comfort zone. You and him privately is your comfort zone.” Genevieve tells me and then walks away, but I know that unlike when Henry walked away, I am supposed to follow Genevieve.

***

I didn’t realize that Henry would be here. He’s with Genevieve’s husband, but he was with the both of them earlier. They’re walking around the yard, and I can see them through the window, and it takes me a while, but I finally remember that Genevieve’s husband’s name is Timothy. I guess Henry and Timothy are friends, because I recall hearing the two of them talking in the hallway, just moments before I rejected Henry’s offer to take me to the last party they had, so long ago.

It almost hurts to remember us like that, to remember when neither of us had hurt the other yet.

“Your eyes look like the ocean after a storm.” Genevieve tells me. “Stare at the boy any harder and you might kill him.”

“I ruin everything.” I tell her, shifting my gaze to hers.

She tilts her head and her gaze softens. “I know.”

“Aren’t you supposed to comfort me?” I ask, feeling like I could cry.

She bites her lip. “If I coddled you, you would never want to get up.”