Captivation

16: Past

Past (adjective): gone by in time and no longer existing

Svetlana Mercer is maybe, possibly for the first time in her life speechless when she looks into my eyes.

“Madelyn.” She says; her voice a whisper.

“You two know each other?” Jamison says, looking from my mother to me.

“I know a great many people that I have never met.” My mother says. “But in this case, Madelyn and I have met.”

“Stop.” I tell her. “Just stop,” I cover my face with my hands. I never called my mother ‘mom’ or ‘mommy’ or anything like that. All three of us called her ‘mama’ which is essentially ‘mom’ in Russian. I grew up calling her that, and it only recently became slightly normal to hear people refer to their mothers as ‘mom.’

“I’m sorry I don’t understand.” She looks at me.

“Mama, I…” I pause. “Hi.”

“Hi.” She smiles at me. And then she shakes her head, and then she’s crying.

The next thing I know I am being pulled into her arms and away from Henry’s. I find myself holding her, and comforting her.

“You knew I would come back,” I tell her, “Here I am, this isn’t a surprise to you.”

“No,” She shakes her head. “No, I saw you die once.” She holds my face in her hands once she pulls away. “You almost jumped off the side of a ship. You caught hypothermia…”

So I wouldn’t have drowned.

“It took me four days to build up the courage to look for you again, and when I did I saw the scene, but you didn’t jump, and I have no idea why I saw it wrong that first time, but Madelyn it scared me half to death.” My mother brushes my hair away from my face.

Svetlana looks behind me and at Henry. “Thank you. I owe you more than I could ever give.”

I become worried that my mother will try to force me to stay with her.

“For now,” Henry says with a smile, smooth as always, “Why don’t you just tell me what’s in store for us.”

My mother smiles her usual smile and she’s back, she’s done being broken over her fear, and maybe even the fact that I left, although she always knew I would leave. “As far as you go, captain, I can tell you now that your present will very much be your future.”

Without another word, or even a moment given for Henry to respond she ushers us all inside, and begins to warn Henry of approaching storms and future traps.

I hardly pay attention; I am mesmerized watching my mother. I haven’t seen her in years, and when she stopped being ‘mama’ and became the Seer, it was the most wonderful transformation to watch. It was like everything that had to stop when she became a mother started again. It was like seeing a secret side of her.

She looks radiant. I can tell that she likes having literally all the answers. I never asked her if she had any limits to her Sight. She told me once that she never ever looked into her own future.

By the time they are all done we file out but I stay behind.

“Madelyn,” She seems surprised that I stayed.

“Mama, I want to apologize for leaving how I did.” I tell her.

“I forgive you Madelyn. I could never be mad at you for that.” She smiles at me in a way the unsettles me more than it comforts me.

“Why?” I ask.

“I don’t live in Russia anymore, do I?” My mother raises an eyebrow.

My mother ran away from her mother and father. I always assumed they were dead, but maybe they were just hidden in the shadows of my mother’s past. “But…”

“We may look very different Maddie, but you and I are very similar. I will never hold you if you want to go. Not even now.” My mother ruffles my hair. “You look so much older.”

“I am older.”

“How do you feel about Henry?” She asks.

“He’s fine. He’s not as nice a Bradley, or as easy to talk to as Jamison, but he’s alright.” I tell her.

“You know what he said the first time he saw you?” She asks me.

“As in when I was seventeen?”

“Yes.”

“I have no idea.”

My mother smiles. “Ask him.”

“No.” I tell her making a face.

“Please? You owe me Madelyn. I never told you father or your sisters that you were coming.”

My mother kept me a secret.

“Why didn’t you tell?” I ask.

“Because I am selfish, and likewise so is your father, he would never let you back on that ship, ever. And you’re a bird Madelyn. Bird’s don’t belong in cages.” A new smile comes on my mother’s face. “I believe Henry called you ‘wild.’” She smirks. “Although I knew that a week before you did.”

“How far can you see?” I ask her.

“It depends; sometime certain events have to be set in motion before I can see the rest of the picture. Henry meeting you when you were seventeen opened up a whole year of his life. I don’t know why, but you have always been a trigger of some sort to me.” She smiles.

“Please don’t look too closely at my life…especially my love life, mama that’s just gross.” I make a face.

“I have my boundaries.” She tells me, giving me a look, and I believe her. I highly doubt she would look for more than she honestly wanted to know.

“You’re letting me leave?” I ask.

“Yes.” She looks sad. “On one condition.”

“Which is?” I ask.

“That you for once listen to me when I tell you that it may be best for you to go as Eliza in Maywater.” She looks at me in my eyes.

“Why?” I ask her.

“The future likes to explain itself Maddie.” My mother gives me one last hug and I feel her slip something in my pocket.

I walk out of my old summer house and follow Jamison and the rest of the men back to town.

We only stay for two more days, as my mother instructed Henry. And then we are gone, and as we leave the dock I swear I see my mother waving. I reach into my pocket a pull out the item that she dropped in. I have yet to check it, because I knew that if I looked at it at a time when I could run back to her I would have. I look at it now. It’s a necklace. It was my mothers, and she told me she would give to me when I turned twenty. I wasn’t with her when I turned twenty. My eyes tear up, I clasp the necklace and close my eyes.

I wonder if I made the right decision in leaving. I tell myself that my mother wouldn’t have let me leave if the future were going to be bad.

Then again she did tell me to go by Eliza.

I tell myself to remember Maywater, and when we get there I am no longer Madelyn Mercer. I will be Elizabeth Winchester.

However, our next stop is not Maywater. It’s Felticion.