Captivation

25: Guilt

Guilt (noun): the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime

 

I have made it until the next night before I realize that I need to get out of this house or I might go insane. Insane from hurt, anger, and now guilt.

I put myself together, I sneak out of the room and grab a dress of mine from Henry’s, I feel their eyes on my but I don’t acknowledge them.

I brush my hair out then I put on my dress and glare at myself in the mirror. I tell myself that I need to be done with all of my unpleasant emotions. I force myself to square my shoulders and leave the safety of solitude. I exit the room and cross the main room where Alina, Henry and Jane are sitting.

I make myself keep my head up and my gaze forward. I open the door and walk out into the evening, not giving any of them time to say anything.

I wander aimlessly. I scare a rabbit out of its hole and walk into a spider web. I stub my toe on a rock and scream out a string of curses that was really too severe for the situation, much like my sneezing escapade.

As it gets almost too dark to see I stumble my way back to the house, or at least to where I think the house is. The biggest problem is that I have never been to Felticion. I am irrevocably lost in the dark, but I wander, hoping to find something familiar.

I freeze up as I hear some voices and a stick crack somewhere far away from me, but not so far that I can’t hear.

“She doesn’t need a search party.” I hear Alina’s voice and relax at the familiarity.

“I didn’t ask you to come.” Henry responds.

“That’s not what I meant.” Alina says.

“I’m beginning to get the feeling you don’t really like…” He pauses and I hear him move something, maybe a tree branch. “…Madelyn.” He finished.

“I am fine with Madelyn.” Alina says.

“I’ve known you too long for you to lie.” Henry says, and I realize that the tone he uses with Alina is much different from the tone he uses with me. He talks to her like he talks to Jamison, and he talks to me like…well, like he talks to me.

“She’s okay.” Alina confesses.

“I understand.” He says.

“Trust me you don’t,” She laughs, and then a pause, “Do you?” She wants to know about the letter.

“Madelyn’s hard to swallow.” Henry says.

“Ah,” Alina sounds disappointed.

Then I hear more shuffling in the wrong direction.

Then one set of footsteps stop. “That’s not why I don’t like her though.” Alina says softly.

Some more shuffling sounds and I’m guessing they’re because Henry is turning to face her. “Why then?” He sounds like he wants to know. I guess he would, she’s his best friend, or was.

“Because…” I hear an intake of breathe, “Well, because I love you.”

Everything goes silent. I’m afraid to breathe because I might give myself away.

“What?” Henry says.

“You heard me.” Alina says.

Another pause. “I’m…I’m really sorry Alina, but it’s getting really dark and if I don’t find Madelyn soon, I don’t think I ever will…we could talk later, if that’s what you wanted?”