Captivation

26: Sunbeams

The photo above, or to the side, or wherever, made me laugh, because this story bascially follows that pattern... :)

Sunbeams (noun): Rays of sunlight

Henry knocks twice and then opens the door without waiting any longer. I'm sitting on the bed. "Henry, I'm not -" I say.

"No." Henry says, "Just shut up and listen to me." He doesn't give me a chance to say no. "I have done things that I regret completely and totally. Any time that I hurt you is one of those times. I also know that you have done things you regret, so I'm asking you to empathize." Henry pauses, wanting some sort of reaction from me.

"I was told to shut up." I say, something about hearing him talk to Alina made me change my mind about him. Something about hearing him handle her so delicately, and gently, and it made me realize he was trying to do the same with me. And that I was being the worst person who ever existed if I didn't at least hear him out.

Henry looks down, smiles, and shakes his head. "Right." He pauses and looks at me, a small smile on his face. He sighs and starts talking again, back to business. "I would like to mention that we handle our feelings poorly. You get drunk and try to kill my crew, and I sleep with random women."

I feel myself cringe.

"Sorry." Henry says.

I shake my head. "I would rather your honesty than your excuses."

"But, I think that we are both coming to the conclusions that our old methods of coping are not tried and true. They were when we had nothing to lose, no one to lose, but now that we have someone we want to keep around..." He gives me a look, "...or sometimes want to keep around, we have to reevaluate ourselves. I think you might have learned this a little faster than I have."

"I haven't been given the opportunity to go out and get drunk." I say.

"Yes you have." Henry says. "When you left the other night, you could have gone anywhere, you could have done anything, but you didn't, why?"

"Because I'm not an idiot." I say.

"But why would that have been an idiot move?" Henry asks.

"Because..." I pause. I look at him, "Because you. Henry I hate that."

He smiles at me like he knows the feeling that I am detesting all too well, "So Madelyn, you win, you're smarter than I am, you learn faster, or maybe you have an advantage because you've been in a relationship before." Henry looks at me. "I made a mistake, I ruined everything, I broke everything, and I'm not asking for you to forget any of this, because if either of us do, than whatever we're striving to have will fail. I have to learn from this, and I might need you to kick me while I'm down with it sometimes. Knock the wind out of me, if you will." Henry pauses.

"Getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind yourself how much you like breathing." I say, but then I pause, "But wait, we're not in a relationship..."

Henry smiles at me again. "We aren't?" Then he changes topics, "I'm not asking you to forget, or to put it behind us, I'm asking you for your permission to try to pick up the pieces, and put them back together again."

"All of my pieces are jagged." I say.

"I'll be careful." He says softly.

I look into his eyes, trying to discern his motives. I sigh. "Talk to me until I fall asleep." I tell him, and I cover myself up and turn away from him.

Henry sits on the bed, a few inches away from me. "Once upon a time there was a girl who was made of sunbeams."

I smile.