fuckboy

slut

every year, this day was exactly the same.

sat on the train for hours and hours, just me and valerie talking non stop but never really saying anything.

the same lady wandered up and down the aisle, looking more and more fed up at every door, just selling things she knew she would end up throwing half of away after everyone had gotten off.

but now we were older, the journey felt a bit less treacherous than it had the five years before this one.

valerie's summer had been full of romance on her family trip, and mine couldn't have been more of the opposite.

she'd kissed at least ten boys before i'd even spoken to one voluntarily.

partly because i didn't want to speak to the boys, or maybe the other way round, or maybe because i had been hung up in the same boy since my first year of hogwarts.

mattheo riddle.

the bane of my existence but also the only thing that kept me so eager to come back here every year.

"valerie, stop giving me that look already."

i sighed again as he walked past our carriage for the fourth time.

although, admittedly, i had intently watched him walk past it the last three times, i would never let her know that.

"you're no fun," she laughed, "and hey, you never know."

"never know what, val?"

"maybe this is your year bella."

i smiled, " i really doubt that's going to happen, and i appreciate your optimism, but i've not changed that much since last year."

"what, you don't think you're his type?"

"i don't think i'm a slut, if that answers your question."

whilst i acknowledged daily how much i wanted him, i also acknowledged that he wasn't really know for staying loyal, even just to the girl of the night.

we both gazed out the window at him walking by again, with blaise this time, throwing bertie botts beans at each other.

"you're staring bella." she smiled as she looked back down at the magazine she had gotten from a weird blonde girl on the other end of the train.

"so were you!" i said as she looked up and laughed quietly again, "let's not forget that you have openly had a thing for blaise for the last five months."

"my five months doesn't really compare to your five years though does it bella?"

i sighed, knowing she was right, as usual, and hogwarts finally began to appear in the distance.

but after we arrived, we still had to sit through another gruelling sorting ceremony where every frail looking boy got put in hufflepuff and every girl in glasses was put in ravenclaw.

val had seen my disgust at the seventh girl who looked identical to everyone else joined our table, and nudged my leg with hers, "library?"

i nodded, and we waited for the next person to cry about not being put in gryffindor before leaving completely unnoticed.

"why are you volunteering to go to the library, normally i can't even trick you into going?"

"i know you like getting books early," she sighed, rolling her eyes, "because you're a try hard and have no fun." she muttered quietly

"i'll have fun with you this year val, i promise."

"i'd love to believe you, but you said that last year bella," she whispered as we walked into the library.

she turned straight down the only aisle that wasn't school related - picking up a book of all the quidditch players so she could pick who she'd be crushing on when she inevitably had to watch all the games at school or with her brother.

i walked towards the back of the library, going straight for the shelf with all the potions books on.

it had always been my worst lesson, mainly because i could never just pull my attention from mattheo to slughorn.

but when i turned the corner, there he was.

sat infront of the shelf, some girl on top of him, his hand over her mouth, presumably to keep her quiet, his head rolled back pushing the books out of place on their shelves.

i inhaled sharply, shocked that he just happened to be here at the same time as me, and he must've heard.

he turned his head, tapping this girls leg, "maya," he said quietly.

"oh my god! ew, who the fuck are you," she shouted, probably confused as to why it looked like i'd been watching them have sex.

i couldn't say anything.

"wow so you don't even know you're own name, who is this bitch theo?" she looked at him, waiting for an explanation like he'd had one, and he too stayed quiet.

"great so it's another girl you've slept with then," she said without giving him time to say anything, pulling herself off his lap and storming off, "god, is there anyone here that you haven't fucked!"

he did the fly of his uniform back up, "sorry about her," he laughed to himself, obviously used to her being like this.

he stood up, re-tying his tie around his neck, smiling to himself, "and i'm sure you do know you're own name, right?" he laughed quietly as he walked past.

"bella." i said quietly, not turning and saying it to him, but just as he passed.

"well, i'll se you 'round then, bella." he said, again not turning back, as he lit a cigarette and left.

i stood in shock for at least two minutes before valerie left her aisle shouting that she was bored.

"are you okay," she asked as i walked towards her, "look like you've seen a ghost."

"worse."

"worse?"

"mattheo and some maya girl were just having sex on the bookcase and i walked straight into them doing it." i couldn't even look at her as i said it.

"oh."

"as if the first interaction i have with him is him having sex with a whole different girl" i said, my cheeks flushed with humiliation.

"it's worse for them, because what if you tell everyone his things small or that her orgasm noise is weird," valerie always said things like that so casually and she needed to stop.

i was probably overthinking how much he would be thinking about this, but still i really could've gone without seeing him and her together on the first night.

"did you guys say anything else?"

"he said 'see you around'," i said, realising it wasn't as exciting as it had felt in the moment.

she laughed, "wow, that's," she paused trying to hold in a burst of laughter, "that's something."

"can we go back now, please." i didn't want to be in there any more, i had embarrassed myself enough in that library in one night to never return to it ever again.

we walked towards the common room together, "actually," valerie started, "i've just got one more thing to do before i go to bed."

i looked at her suspiciously.

"just, don't wait up for me, okay?"

i agreed reluctantly and then finished the walk back to my room and sat in my bed for at least two hours, just replaying the whole thing in my mind.

over and over and over again.