fuckboy

lust

i knew that fin would be confused about the previous night, so i spent the next day trying to find him, and eventually i did, he was sat at the back of my potions class.

"fin? what are you doing here?" i asked, confused at why he'd just be sat there.

"i've been in this class all year" he replied, looking just as confused as i did, "are you okay bella, you seemed pretty upset yesterday"

pretty upset felt like an understatement.

"yeah i'm ok, i think"

"you can talk to me you know, if anything's ever wrong."

"i know, thank you."

he looked at me like he was expecting me to tell him what made me so upset yesterday, but i didn't really know how to tell him, me and theo hadn't even really been together.

"it was mattheo wasnt it?" he asked.

"yeah," i replied, looking to the floor, then up at him, trying to see his reaction.

"what did he do, bella?" he asked, looking more aware than before, like he was going to need to do something about theo.

"things just sort of ended."

"oh, i'm sorry," he replied, although i could tell he didn't mean it, he was happy me and theo weren't together, it meant he could be with me.

"it was always going to happen, but thank you."

i smiled at him and he smiled back, then professed slughorn came into the classroom, late as always.

"today we are making Amortentia, get into pairs and have a go at sniffing out your soulmate!" he sounded more excited than the rest of us.

———

an hour later, most of the class had finished, and slughorn invited everyone to the front to smell his own batch, and then share with the class what they smelt.

about twelve people said smoke, vodka and sweaty quidditch robes, there seemed to be a type amongst the hogwarts girls.

fin said he smelt vanilla and cherry, which didn't really narrow it down as the stock in diagonal alley wasn't very varied this year.

still, i remembered the little bottle of vanilla perfume in my bathroom and smiled at the thought that maybe it could be me.

class ended and i was finally starting to feel okay about mattheo, i didn't feel the need to be by his side anymore.

i didn't need him anymore.

i knew that he had never really needed me, and him telling me he loved me was probably just his final attempt at keeping me attached to him.

although saying that, it probably would've worked if fin wasn't around.

i knew it was wrong, but fin was a good distraction from everything else happening.

and it wasn't like i was doing anything bad by speaking to him, i wasn't cheating on anyone or hurting anyone's feelings, so it was fine.

after i had left, i wanted to see valerie, who had been 'studying' with blaise every evening for the past week and a half.

but i didn't want to go to the slytherin common room, there was a high likelihood of theo being there, so i decided to wait until she got back to our dorm, which wasn't until two the next morning.

he cheeks were flushed, and i knew it wouldn't have been from the walk back to our dorm, "how was your studying val," i asked her in a sarcastic tone, not lifting my eyes from my parchment of divination homework.

"yeah great actually, got a lot done."

i laughed quietly as i noticed her smudged lipstick and lack of bra, but i was happy that she was happy, so i kept quiet.

"how's theo?" she asked, mostly unaware of the past few days.

"about that." i replied, putting the cap on my pen and laying back onto my pillow.

"god, what's happened now," she asked, unsurprised.

"i don't even want to talk about it,"

"what so you're over him?"

"i guess so,"i sighed lightly," but it's fine," i smiled and turned to face her bed, " i have fin now."

she smiled back and then fell asleep shortly after, obviously tired from her studies.

                                          •••

i needed bella.

i was in bed, alone, and i needed her.

i needed to look in her eyes and feel her breath on my neck and i needed to see her smile.

i thought i'd get over her in a matter of minutes, but maybe i really did love her.

i wanted to touch her body and have her on top of me again, god, i got hard at just the thought of her riding me. 

i shut my eyes and just pictured every night we spent together, that one in the bathroom and the first time we ever fucked, i must've finished in like 45 seconds.

i didn't know if this was love or lust, but it felt fucking amazing.

what i did know was that i needed bella back.

no matter what happened, i had to have her again.