fuckboy

enough

•••

"what completely?" i asked.

"bella if i had it my way you wouldn't even look at another boy. especially not him."

"so what, i'm not allowed to go to any of the classes we have together anymore then?"

"you know what i mean."

"do i?"

"yes you do, drop the attitude too bell." he said, half smiling back at me.

"theo you can't just tell me who i can and can't see."

"can't i?" he paused and walked towards me as i sat on my bed, looking up at him, "because i know you'll listen to me bella."

i hated that he was right.

if it meant i got theo, there is nothing i wouldn't do.

"how do you know that then?" i asked him back, knowing that we didn't even need to have this conversation because we both knew i'd listen to him.

"because, bella, if you don't stop speaking to that boy, i'll stop speaking to you," he tucked my hair behind my ear and lifted my chin with his pointer finger, "and neither of us want that, do we love?"

i shook my head as his thumb ran across my lip.

he smiled as i stood to get changed for bed, he leaned against the wooden post of my bed frame as i searched around mine and valerie's room for anything i could put on to sleep in - i don't think we'd picked any clothes of the floor in at least two weeks.

he laughed to himself as i finally found something to put on and beckoned me over to where he was stood.

his hands cupped my face as he looked me in the eyes before he reached down to wear my top ended on my waist.

he slowly picked up the sides of my top, his hands brushing the edges of my stomach, and pulled it off, his hands running along my body the whole way up.

he placed his hand on my back and turned me around, then fumbled around the clasp of my bra for a while trying to undo it.

you'd think after taking off so many girls bras he'd be better at this.

i pulled on the other t shirt before he put my hair behind my back, his hands on my shoulders and pulled me into him, hugging me while his chin rested on top of my head.

"i'll be better than him bella," he said as he kissed the top of my head, "i promise."

god, i hoped he was right.

•••

i left bellas room knowing that i hadn't been good to her before, but i promised her i'd be better than this boy, and i would try so hard to stick to that.

but as i walked down the steps of her dorm, he was sat in the common room, on the same chair i had seen the two of them on before.

and i remembered everything.

i remembered where he was touching her and kissing her and i remembered how he was looking into her eyes like he would go blind if he stopped.

"you have fun earlier, buddy?" i asked him sarcastically as he turned to see who had left bellas dorm.

he closed the book he had been sat with, "when's earlier?"

"figured you'd remember seeing me with the girl you'd fucked half an hour before, but if you forget her that quickly then you must be doing alright for yourself."

he stood up, "i haven't forgot about her. i haven't thought about anything else."

"she seems to have that effect on people."

he laughed quietly in agreement, "she does."

"shame really that she's not going to be with you again, but hey, at least you got to try her out, right?" i laughed too, but i was being serious.

if i saw him speaking to her i think i'd kill him.

even just speaking to him about bella was making me angry, because it just made me remember what i saw them doing.

and i know that she saw me and maya kiss, but that's maya.

she's no one.

bella's bella.

every word i said to him i remembered everything.

where his hands were, where he kissed her, where he held her.

and at the thought of that i wanted to wash her entire body so i wouldn't have to touch the same places he had.

so i could be the only person to ever touch her again.

"you can't make her decisions for her mattheo," he said.

"do you not think her letting me touch her like that half an hour after you had was choice enough?"

he didn't speak for a minute, "i just liked her, you know?"

i knew more than anyone.

i couldn't get enough of her.

i wanted all of her all the time and it was torture to not have her with me all day every day.

"she's made her choice, and it's me."

he nodded his head slowly before returning to his dorm.

seeing them together made me realise how much
i wanted bella.

how much i needed her.

it was like my hands were made for her body.

my lips were made for hers.

like i was made to love her.

she was made to love me too.

i knew she was.

and i knew that she knew she was too, although i knew she would never admit it, not to me at least.

the things i thought about doing to her.

the things i dreamt about doing to her.

even thinking about that made me crave her.

i'd retrace everything we'd done on our nights together on the nights where i was by myself and they felt just as good as they had with her.

she was all i could think about.

and now i wished i didn't have to just think of all those things.