Poems from a liar

Poems from A liar ( Last Song, Last cry)

2012 was the worst of my life. Ive never felt more insecure about my self then I ever did. More fustrated more confused then ever.

  Questions go un-answered by one that has caused it. Some how i feel hate toward her. Them. But, they never knew me. I thought I knew my self but I didn't.

Have I gone insane ?

Have my pain slowly brought me to the end were I contemplate on suicide ? Where Its hard to breathe with out hot tears drying my face out. To were its molding into a frozen smile?

I have been used for saftey or sexual and emotional things. I'm drained. I've reach a part in my life where getting up in the morning kills me.

After, everything i've been threw i jump threw more obstacles to reach new limits that i never knew i set for my self.

Is there no bondery?

Limit?

Somethings I hide behind smiles and thinking my life isn't so bad compared to everyone Else. But, why should I think like that anymore?

Has anyone ever thought about me? How i would feel? If my sleepless nights bother me ? Scar me?

Seeing happiness in the halls makes me sick.

what has love ever done for me ?

Only left me used and called a friend.

and, i thought if anyone liked me in some kind of way then it  was okay to be used and to settle even if i was just a friend.

Am i really ready to accept my fate for  what it is ? Stop thinking about the past and leave it in the forgotten?

Finally, accept that things happen for a reason. Even if it hurts to realize that it was gonna be alright even if it went by slow.

Even if it didn't make sense.

Starting over wouldn't be easy but its something I needed. Something we all need in life. No more hiding behind Rain girl or some other person made up by my lacking self confidence.

Its time to stop crying.

Its time to stop playing the victim.

To get what I want and what i know i deserve. 

its time to stop crying behind closed door in the shower about things that really don't matter. to be called ugly by my own mother.

Does things to you.

To have your own father give you up with out even really knowing you.

It hurts.

But, nothing hurts forever.

Smoking to mask my problems with its toxic fog.

But, it was winding and the fog cleared.

Maybe, in the world if we stopped hiding behind drugs, sex , and closed door we can finally heal. We can finally heal and get better.

I don't believe that it will be completely gone. I don't believe you won't feel the pain. I believe if you accept what it is and makes the best you can. It won't hurt as much.

I guess i was cuaght up in the fantasy was what i wanted and what i wanted to be.  I forgot what I am. Who i am and why i was put on earth in the first place.

We are all born with a purpose. Even if its just holding the door open for someone could change the world.

Even if you don't see like I never saw before its there it just takes time for  the fog to clear. And , it might not in the time you wanted it too. its taken me forever to forgive someone I never knew. To let go off him when he hurt me so much.

To not blame my self.

We. Are. Not. The. Problem.

The world isn't ready for amazing creative people like us. So we hid and fall into categorizes that makes it easier for them.

But, why should we hid?

Why sacrifice someone Else's happiness over yours?

If your gay , transsexual , curious, an addict, or just a dreamer who got lost along the  way or whatever. it gets easier.

Just pull through and fight for what you want .

For what you believe in.

No idea is to small or to big.

Stop hiding behind screen names and fantasy names.

If you can be honest with your self then you can be honest with the world.

Say your name what you are.

I'm star and im am  dreamer. People used to tell me i wouldn't be good enough for anything i used to belive it. I was scared. But, I'm stronger I'm more confidentt and I can finally breathe again. 

And I was made for greater things even if i can see them yet....

***************************

 I WILL BE WRITING ANOTHER BOOK BUT MORE CHARACTER. BUT IT WILL BE THE SAME BUT BETTER :)