Cali Kids: XOXO Sequel (The Ranger$) #Wattys2015

15: Josiah

«I don't really have anything to say but I should really be doing my psychology homework right now but I decided to do this instead. I hope you enjoy this. This is kinda sad & well, read & find out. Any mistakes will be fixed later & oh yeah, this is short. Dedicated to @amariemarsh1.  Anyways I need to get on my work pronto so deuces! Don't forget to vote, comment, whichever!✌»

Ever feel like what is life? I thought your parents are supposed to love you. Your real mother & father. I thought that that love could never be tainted. It has been though. For me it always has been.

She didn't want me. She didn't love me, like me enough to keep me over a  man, my father. How could you as a person be that heartless as to carelessly toss your child aside? I don't blame my dad at all for any of this because honestly, Rachel's at fault. She doesn't deserve for me to even acknowledge her as my mother. Pops was right, Neicey is my mama & she always will be.

I don't want to admit it but I cried. I fucking cried. I'm still crying. Before you call me a bitch boi think about this: How would you feel if the hope & trust you put into someone was destroyed so carelessly like you don't matter? Exactly so I think this one time is excused. I'm crying because I feel so hurt, betrayed, disgusted, & so, so, so fucking angry right now.

I want to be mad at the world but it didn't do shit to me. I want to break shit but I know doing it is stupid. I guess this is karma, huh? What goes around comes around, right? What did I do that was so bad for me to end up here? Valentine's night all I did was tell the truth, is that so wrong?

I was so lost in my thoughts that I did hear my room door open & close. I felt the bed dip but I didn't acknowledge whoever was sitting next to me. I heard them sigh, "We need to talk", pops said. "Not right now", I responded. "Yeah, right now. Now get your ass up so we can talk", he said. I sat up not even bothering to wipe my face & sat next to him.

"Letters. When the fuck did they start & what did they say? Where are they?", he said. "They started a few months ago, 5 I think. They were addressed to you at first but I always got them when I would bring in the mail because I knew you wouldn't want them. I read them & wrote back telling her not to write you anymore after the 3rd but she wrote one to you again asking about me. So I wrote back again & she started telling me all this bullshit about how she misses me & was sorry for missing out on my life. I felt she cared the way she wrote to me. Then she told me how she needed money because nobody ever cared enough to make sure she was alright so I did what I had too. I'm not gone go into shit about O but he helped me out. I did it thinking that I owed it to her. That she is my mother & I should be there for her in her time of need", I put my face in my hands.

"She didn't want me dad. She fucking lied to me. I feel fucking disgusted with myself. I did whatever some bitch said & asked for some extra money after they got their fix. I've probably fucked 6 different bitches & 1 of them got a boyfriend that probably will kill me if he finds out about me or hurt one of y'all behind me. I'm fucking nasty pops. I-I-where's mama? I need mama dad", I cried. He hugged me but didn't say a word.

A minute later mama came in room & froze. "Mama?", I called getting up & hugging her. "JoJo, baby what's wrong?", she asked hugging me tight. "I'm sorry mama. You're my mother & i'm so sorry. I love you mama so much", I apologized hugging her tighter. I know she had to be confused but she just continued to hug me. "It's ok baby. I love you too. I'll always love you Josiah & don't you ever forget it. Never forget that mama loves you", she responded.

I kissed the top of her head & squeezed her before letting go. "Are you ok?", she asked. I nodded wiping my face. I wasn't entirely ok but I felt better. I needed that, a mother's love & affection. I had what I was looking for in the wrong person all along. Both my parents gave me a hug together before leaving. Pops stopped at my door. "Before I forget your ass grounded an extra month. Night nigga", he said then left closing the door behind himself. "Damn", I mumbled under my breath.