Ultraviolence -Damiano David

10

"So now, you and him are friends?"
Vic asks me while she is making us coffee.

"I guess. "

As I remember last night my tears struggle to flow from my eyes again but I hold on.
The doorbell rings and my heart is pounding.

"Please if Ethan say something rude, don't pay attention to him. "
She warns me and I nod positive.

The door opens with Thomas first. To my surprise he greets me normally and I do the same.
Then I see him.
How handsome he is even dressed simply.
He holds his coffee and his mobile phone in his hands and as soon as he sees me he smiles.

"Good morning Stella. "

"Good morning. "
I reply abruptly while he gives his hand for a high five.

Finally Ethan, where he doesn't even bother to look at me and just sits away from me.

Inside I feel happy that at least Thomas spoke to me. Even though we weren't that close it makes me very happy.

Victoria jump next to me on the couch and drinks her coffee.
I'm watching the boy in the rock outfit, where he slowly sits next to me.

The feeling I get every time I'm near him will never go away.

Butterflies in the stomach, dizziness, cold sweat, goosebumps.
My heart is beating hard once again and I feel torn when I think about yesterday.

"So, how was yesterday?"

Vic understands the awkwardness and tries to open a conversation.

"It was good. You were good. "
I tell them honestly.

The scent of Damiano sitting next to me, makes me pleasantly dizzy as I speak.
His long hands with many silver rings play with his shirt as he looks down.

"You left early, though. "
He decides to say and I look at him in confusion.
Is he pretending he doesn't know why I left?
Does he want to make me embarrass myself in front of others?

The blonde girl next to me is getting cold cough.
"Yeah, I wasn't feeling very well. "
I apologize.

"Well, how about we play a board game?"
Victoria suggests and Damiano and I agree at the same time making us look at each other with a faint smile.

"I have to go. "
Ethan speaks for the first time and gets up in a hurry.

"You just got here, now you're leaving?"

"Yes Victoria, I'll go. I don't stay with her a second longer. "

"ETHAN!"

The man I'm in love with next to me is shouting but I have already heard him.

My heart breaks into a thousand pieces and tears start to flow from my eyes.

"Ethan please, stop it!"
Victoria tells him and I feel her hand caress mine.

"You guys have to stop this! What happened to you? How dare you to be okay with her after all that?"

He shouts angrily. I have no right to shout. Getting mad at him.
He was right. He was absolutely right.

It was all my fault and I'm so stupid for doing all this.
I've left my boyfriend in the lies about a past.
I have to understand that I will never be the same with them and that Damiano has moved on.

"Because what's done is done in the past. You don't have to hold a grudge against anyone. "
Damiano's words surprise me.

He's wonderful, and I'm the only problem here.

"No, Ethan you are right. "
I decide to speak at last.
I can't help but admit the truth.
Ethan has every reason to hate me. So are the others.

"It's been four years since then. She made a mistake you don't have to be so hard on her. "

Victoria takes the floor trying to support me.

"It's been four years, but do you remember yourself? How were you when she left us without a word? Damiano did talk to us again 1 year after.Do you remember how hard it was?"

I can hear Ethan yelling and  and nobody talks while I'm sobbing out loud.

"It's my fault! Everything is my fault. "
I apologize, but my attention is distracted by Damiano's hand touching mine.

For a few seconds all I feel is peace but then I return to reality.

"You have to be sorry! You never told us anything. " he pauses abruptly and laughs ironically. "Do you know what it's like to wake up one day, wait for you and never show up? We called you 100 times and you didn't pick up once. We've been looking all over for you. We were dying of fear at the thought of something happening to you. And when we went to your house to find your parents, they told us that you had left. Do you know how we felt?"

I bow my head in shame.
My hands pull at the roots of my hair while Victoria has her arms around me.

"ETHAN SHUT UP!"

Damiano screams while he gets up really angry.

"Bro he is right. "
Thomas tell him, even if he had not spoken so long.

"She's the one you should be yelling at, not me. For a fucking year you hadn't left your house, you didn't eat, you didn't talk, you didn't sing. Vic was the same as you. You cried every day hoping she would come back but she went about her life without giving a damn about us!"

"That's no true. I was thinking about you every day. It was so difficult to move on!"
I say through my tears and I doubt he heard me.

The more I hear how much I hurt them and how much I hurt him, the more I hate myself.

"You expect me to feel sorry for you? You are the one who left us!"

"She is crying can't you shut the fuck up?"
Damiano tells him, but i already have made my decision.

"It was so wrong to come back to your life. I'm so sorry guys. I really am. "
I hurriedly pick up my things and wipe away my tears.

"Stell wait. "
Victoria try to stop me but I am not giving up.
With quick steps and hurt I open the door and leave.

I quickly get down and leave her house. The cold air makes my body shiver and my eyes sting, but I don't stop.

I hear footsteps behind me and then someone shouting "Stella stop running!"

I can hear him yelling but as I think about how much I hurt him I run even further away from him.
I bump into something hard and before I can continue running I see him in front of me.

His eyes stare into mine as our faces are in breathing distance.
He is breathtaking.
I can feel his hands holding me tightly by the waist while he holds me and his breath flickers like my trial.

"Please, don't listen to Ethan. He may be mad with you, but i'm not. "

He makes my heart beating fast.

"Damiano deep down you are. And if you aren't mad with me, I am. I'm so fucking mad to myself. I hurt you all so much. "

His hand touches my face and I barely pull away at the contact.
I feel like my heart is going to pop out of my body any second now.

Slowly his finger wipes the tears from my eyes.
However, I come back to reality and push him away lightly.

"I have to go. I'm really sorry that i hurt you so much. "
It's all I say as I pass him and take quick steps towards my car.

I look at him one last time, where he's already looking at me, and then I get in my car.

I'm a mess.

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