Ultraviolence -Damiano David

9

"Victoria, I hate him. "
I complain and she laughs.
"Rather the opposite. " Bella makes fun of me and I get even angrier.

"Tomorrow, I'm having a party at home because we won Eurovision. You will come right?"
The truth is that I have no desire to see him again, especially after what he did the other day.
"I don't know Vic. "
I try to politely decline.
"Of course we'll come. "
Bella takes a seat and I look at her angrily.

"We're going to have a great time!"
Vic says excited but I'm sure I'm not going to have a great time.

[. . . ]

"You tell him too many lies and he'll find you out again. "
Bella advises me and I know she's absolutely right.
There's no way I can tell him I'm going to a party where my ex is there. So I end up making excuses for him.
This time I told him I was going to Bella's house for coffee.

Before I know it we're already out of Vic's door and taking a deep breath to face him again we ring the doorbell.

The door opens quickly and the smiling blonde girl hugs me tightly.
"Come in! To the beauties today!"

I am confronted by him and his fiancée who are already looking at me.

I awkwardly wave from afar but she doesn't miss a moment to come over to hug me.

"You look amazing!"
She compliments me and I'm trying to hide how awkward i feel.

"Thank you! You look awesome too!"

Damiano is beside her in seconds and his hand grips mine for a handshake.
I can see his lips moving but the loud music that has just started doesn't let me understand him.

Bella has already struck up a conversation with some unknown guys, whenever I alone reach the drinks counter.
I look at Ethan across from me who just sees me leave and I huff and puff in sadness.

The hot liquid, it burns to my stomach but I can tell I need it.
The lights go out and when they come back on I see them all together ready to sing.
The guests gather around them in a large circle.
The song that went to Eurovision is entered. I stare at them happily for a while. They made true their biggest dream.
I wish I had never left, that I had followed them in all their steps and lived with them all those happy moments.

Loro non sanno di che parlo
Voi siete sporchi, fra', di fango
Giallo di siga fra le dita
Io con la siga camminando
Scusami, ma ci credo tanto
Che posso fare questo salto
E anche se la strada è in salita
Per questo ora mi sto allenando

He starts singing and his eyes fall on me.
She walks so comfortably past the guests, singing to everyone.
He's so comfortable and confident and that makes him even hotter.
When it's my turn to be approached, my heart is pounding and my hands are sweating.

Intense glances from Bella and Victoria fall upon us.

Sono fuori di testa, ma diverso da loro
E tu sei fuori di testa, ma diversa da loro
Siamo fuori di testa, ma diversi da loro
Siamo fuori di testa, ma diversi da loro

He sings close to my face while I am swallowing and I feel very warm.

The song comes to an end and everyone exclaims when he kisses Thomas.

After that, they start playing one of my favorite songs.
She dances really close to Vic and I can't help but be impressed by how good she is.

My smile fades when his hands grab Giorgia and bring her close to him.
I feel the ugly feeling of jealousy , strongly inside me.

I watch them giggling and dancing in each other's arms.
When the song ends what makes me lose my color is the moment he kisses her on the lips.

I hold back my tears but Victoria understands me by nodding.

I don't have time to listen which song will be next, because his eyes fall on my red eyes and unable to hold my tears I run out of there.

I step out onto the balcony and let out a breath I've been holding for so long.
It is inevitable that I try to overcome it.
And he is happy with her.

"What's wrong with you?"
I hear him behind me and I don't even bother to look at him.
I have a slight dizziness from the drinks I've had and I'm holding on to a chair.
"What do you care? Go sing with your fiancée!"
I don't understand the words that come out of my mouth and I can't control them.

I know that tomorrow I will regret what I say.
He furrows his eyebrows with a look of wonder.

"Have you lost your mind?"

"Damiano, just leave me alone!"
I almost cry but i'm trying to handle it.
"Tell me what has happened. Why are you talking to me like that?"

"I don't know. Maybe because I haven't stopped thinking about you since I saw you again?"
I almost groan and thank Vic for the soundproofing in her house.

When I realize the words that left my mouth I look at him speechless.
I can't say a word, my mouth and my whole body is shaking.

I meet his eyes looking at me in shock. He looks at me as if he saw an alien and opens his mouth to speak but he can't.

"I'm. . . i'm sorry. "
That's all I can manage to say.

"You don't mean it. You are drunk."

His loud voice comes out sharply.
"I haven't drunk that much. "

I hurry past him. but his hand takes hold of my wrist and turns me to face him.
At his touch my heart stops and the butterflies in my stomach make their appearance.
"Why did you tell me?"

I look deep into his eyes.
"I don't know. I was expecting. . . -"

"What did you expect? Should I leave my fiancée and run to you?"

"No. . . actually, you know what? Yes, that's what I expected. "

He laughs and then letting go of my hand pulling his hair back.
"I'm sorry, but I can't do this. I don't know how you got that through your head, but I'm not leaving the girl I love. "

I can feel my heart breaking into a thousand pieces and I feel powerless to hold back my tears.

"Then why did you do all this? Why did you help me with the car?"

"I would help anyone I saw, even you. "

"Oh yeah? And why did you tell me to come to your concert? Why did you almost cause a scene at the restaurant the other day?"

He looks me intensely in the eyes and puffs.

"I. . . I don't know. "

"You know what? Go fuck yourself Damiano. "

"Excuse me? What did you expect? Pretend you never left me? Like you never hurt me? Should I ruin my relationship because you don't know what you want?"

"You are right! I left you. I wish i didn't. "

"But you did it. "

He puffs away, lighting a cigarette he was holding in a hurry.
"Look, I'm sorry if I led you to believe that I feel more than that for you. "

"It's okay. "

"We can be friends. I won't lie. I missed our communication. But like friends. "
I don't want to be your friend.
"Yeah. Me too. "
His suggestions hurt me more and more.
How stupid am I to think for a second that he likes me?

He opens his arms and I look at him strangely.
"Don't look at me. Let me give you a friendly hug. "

I approach him cowardly.
Friendly hug.

With slow movements I put my arms around his neck and he around my waist.

After 4 years I feel the same feeling.
I smell his perfume and I want to faint.

My heart beats along with his trial and the hug doesn't want to end.
I'm still in love with him.

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