A Glimpse Inside My Head

Story #2

I've been heart broken before.

I've been hurt.

I've been used.

Too many times.

I fall too fast and break to easy.

It's like I'm made out of glass and people are too careless.

They'll drop me and I'll shatter.

Here's the story of how I came to hurt myself for the first time. It's a long one, just so you know.

I was in seventh grade.

I had a crush on a boy. Let's call him J.

J was cool but very arrogant and rude.

We had known each other since the sixth grade.

We had been in the same class and transferred to the same middle school.

He had many sides to him. I liked the better side of him. Being the person that I am, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and look at the good in them instead of the flaws.

After a while, J and I became close. We were like siblings. He was my best guy friend at the time, and we had decided to join color guard the following year.

J and I had a good connection to each other. I was always keeping him in check, and I never really thought much of it.

I was just a naive little girl who didn't know any better than to begin to like him.

At the time, after having my teacher in the last story, my self esteem was low, but I had yet to be diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

I didn't think it was a thing.

All I knew was that I wasn't happy most of the time and that I'd cry myself to sleep at night. I didn't understand why.

J was there to talk to me but I'd never let everything on him. I didn't want to bother him and wouldn't want to see anyone sad.

Unfortunately, seeing him so kind toward made me fall for him more. He wasn't kind to many so I thought I was special.

I saw a lot of sides of him. He even admits that I saw all his sides. From his broken to his arrogant to his sensitive side. I knew him like the back of my hand by the time we reached high school.

I remember the night he called me in the seventh grade. The night that gave me trust issues.

We were in the second semester of 7th grade.

I was sitting on my couch one night, doing homework when I received a call. I had his number since we had exchanged numbers for a project in school.

I was confused since J never texted me, much less called me.

We always talked in school and never outside of it.

Nonetheless, I answered.

The following is how I remember the conversation going.

J will be in the italicized font.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Angeles. Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

"What?"

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Because I am. Will you be my girlfriend?

Part of me knew something was off so I didn't answer him and instead asked the following.