A Glimpse Inside My Head

Rant #2

I don't know how to feel anymore.

I want to die but I don't.

I've been spiraling pretty badly lately.

I don't know how to get out of it.

I cry at the smallest things.

I scratch when I'm feeling stressed.

I'm thinking of just leaving...

Trying my first method and finally just getting out of this mess I call a life.

I don't want to be here anymore.

I hate this feeling.

Someone make it stop.

I'm begging you.

Just make it stop.

I can't handle it anymore.

I was doing so well.

Why did it come crashing down so fast?

I just wish I could be fine.

Everyone around me thinks I'm okay and that I'm getting better.

And I feel like that's what everyone expects from me.

I don't want to disappoint by showing how I really feel.

But why am I even alive?

Why couldn't I have just died in my first suicide attempt?

I just don't want to be alive anymore.

Im numb but also angry and frustrated and sad.

Everything but happy.

Sure.

There are glimpses of happiness but it's only for a second and then the emptiness takes over.

I don't want to be empty anymore.

I don't want to cry myself to sleep.

I don't want to scratch or cut every time I feel something negative.

I want to die.

Someone just please.

Kill me before I do it myself.

~A