A Glimpse Inside My Head

Secret #1

I hurt myself.

I scratch.

I pinch.

I bite myself.

I just try and feel pain.

Something to try and distract myself.

When I don't pinch, I scratch myself all over.

I can't help but scratch.

I feel like something is coming over me.

Like there's this itch I just can't seem to get.

I don't know what it is.

The itching sensation just doesn't go away.

But when I am able to find something to scratch myself with, I scratch myself until my arm is red.

I don't break skin but sometimes I wish I do.

When my mom leaves out a razor by accident, it's always so tempting.

I could just go and grab it.

I want to take it and use it to bleed from as many wounds as possible.

I want to see the blood come up in little beads and drip down the sides of my wrist to the floor.

There are so many urges.

I scratch my head to the point where there's blood on my fingers.

I leave scabs behind on my head.

I pinch them off and scratch more.

It's a habit now.

I scratch and scratch but I catch stop the feeling of an unbearable itch.

I can't seem to find the exact spot.

It never seems to go away.

I scratch away at my wrist.

I scratch away at my sides.

I can't stop.

I don't even know if I want to stop.

Do I want to keep going?

Do I want to see more blood?

Part of me does.

Part of me doesn't.

~A