A Glimpse Inside My Head

Confession #2

I hate my body.

I hate how I'm so fat.

Every time I look at myself in the mirror or in a picture, all I see is a fat, ugly thing.

I'm so disgusting.

Ive lost about 10 pounds in the last 2ish weeks.

I haven't been eating all that much.

Food makes me nauseous.

Every time I eat something, I want to throw up and get it out of me.

I haven't quite gotten to the point where I purge, but I don't want to eat.

My mom keeps saying I look good thinner, and that I should lose more weight.

She doesn't know how it hurts me or why I'm losing weight.

I don't know how to tell her or if I'll ever say anything about it.

My sister already had bulimia.

I don't want to disappoint and hurt her by telling her about what I've been doing.

I can't do that to her.

I want to die though.

I want to be thin.

I want to stop eating completely.

So I can feel good about myself.

Currently, being the weight that I am isn't ok.

Even the doctors tell me to exercise and yo lose weight to be healthy.

I've been trying to convince myself that the things I do are ok so I can be healthy.

But I just want to give up.

I want to give into the urges to vomit everything I eat.

I need help.

I don't know how to get it.

Someone save me before it's too late...

-A