A Glimpse Inside My Head

Thought #4

After what happened with a certain someone, I came to a realization.

I'm always going to be too much for anyone to handle.

I realized that no one is ever going to be able to handle how messed up I am.

No one will ever truly be a friend who I can rely on.

I'm always giving and giving to people who never give back.

No one actually cares enough to check up on me.

It's always me checking up on them.

I've been isolating myself slowly because honestly, it's too much for me to hold onto strings.

My friendships are falling apart before my eyes and I can't tell whose fault it is.

I've come to realize that I'm a burden.

That no one will ever stay long enough for me to feel secure.

Every time I need someone, no one is there.

I don't want to ruin their mood just cuz I'm feeling down.

I'm never going to be good enough for anyone to stay.

I'm never going to have anyone I can call a real friend.

Honestly, there's no one in my life that'll have my back.

Not one single person I can call a true friend.

They're only in my life because they need something from me.

They only want to be my friend because I offer my love and don't expect anything back.

But they don't think that just because I don't expect, doesn't mean I don't need it.

I just want someone to think about me for once.

To have them worry about whether or not I'm okay, because right now I'm not.

I just want someone to realize that I need help because I'm not strong enough to speak up.

I'm not strong enough to say anything because every time I try to say something no one looks my way.

At this point, I don't see a reason for me to be here.

No one cares.

No one glances my way.

I don't want to be here anymore.

I don't want to be alive.

And honestly...

I might just end it all.

I want to be dead.

Asleep and never waking up.

Soon...

I'll finally be at peace.

~A~