A Silent Serenade

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Talk to me

The next day, Simon came home early. Even before the sun rises, he is already here. I wasn't even awake when he came, his non-stop calls woke me up.

Pagod akong bumangon, gusto ko pa sanang matulog pero kinailangan ko ng bumangon. Sinundo ako ni Ivan kagabi at marami rin kaming napag-usapan. He was curious about my work at the resto-bar so he insisted on going with me. We got home late last night. We had fun, I'll be honest. I'm thankful Ivan's here, at least I forgot about my problems for a while. Para bang nakahinga ako ng kaunti dahil nandito s'ya.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Joan, she didn't seem relevant to me. I don't like her, my parents decisions, not mine. And I'm sorry you have to go through hell because of me. And that you have to go through such humiliation because of me." His apologies weren't really necessary at this point. Cause I did this all to myself. I let him in my life, that was my mistake. I could only look at his tired eyes, he seemed to have not slept enough. I'm worried. I know I shouldn't but...

"I'm okay Simon. You don't have to apologize, it's not your fault. It's my fault for letting you in to my life. It's me that is to be blamed. So you shouldn't worry too much, 'kay?" I assured him, he looked too sad, I see it in his eyes. I couldn't stop myself from caressing his tired face. Hoping it will make him feel better.

He touched my hand, took it and held it in his palms. The longing in his eyes, like they're begging. "Please don't do this, I know where this is going." Looking straight into my eyes. How can I hurt this man? But I have to. This was due to happen, there's nothing more for me to do at this point. 

"Hindi pa nga tayo nagsisimula, tinatapos mo na agad." He said. I just sighed at it. Not knowing what to say, or if there's anything that I can say to make this better. "I'll make this right, I'll find a way. Please wait for me. Please." He took my hands in his and kissed them. I can feel the pain in his begging voice.
 
I looked away, "I don't care anymore Simon, let's just move on, okay? Thanks for everything. Makaka-alis ka na."

What's more painful than this? It's that I realized that I like him as well, but I know we just can't be. I can never be enough for him and he is just too much for me. Hinding-hindi ako mapapa-bilang ulit sa mundo nila.

When he left, I felt a strong sense of loneliness. But I tried hard to supress it.

The past few days, it was Ivan who was always with me. He made me feel less lonely, but I was still hurting. He kept me company, and I kept him company as well. He's here for a short time only so I thought that it is best to spend our time together.

"So, napag-isipan mo na ba 'yung offer namin?" He is talking about an offer he and his dad made for me. We did a video call a few days ago. In-offeran ako ni Tito ng trabaho sa Canada after graduation. But I think it's too much for me. I want to work and build my career on my own. So I said that I will think about it.

"Hindi pa ako sigurado Ivan, eh. But I'm considering it. It's such a good opportunity but...I want to build my career on my own first. Pakiramdam ko kasi hindi ko deserve 'yung posisyon when it's handed to me, instead of me working for it." He slowly nodded. We're currently in a restaurant, inaya n'ya ako mag dinner. Hindi na rin naman ako humindi kasi may gusto raw s'yang sabihin saakin.

"I understand. Don't worry, we can wait Emmy. The company can wait. Basta, you just need to keep in mind. I'm always here for you." I gave him a tight smile. We talked a bit more about the company they have in Canada. I felt proud kasi they're doing well there now. I still remember how their family left for Canada, tito was still uncertain but he bargained for their future there and I'm glad it worked out for them. My dad also supported them, and in return, maybe this is tito's way of returning the favor.