Easy Silence

9.

Derek couldn't believe how much every part of his body hurt.

He had promised himself he wasn't going to take anything today, at least not anything that would make him loopy but he hadn't been expecting this much pain. His head felt like it was about to split open, his back was throbbing, his legs still felt slightly numb, besides the stabs going through his ankle. He definitely should probably just take something. Being high topped this.

Even if it had meant propositioning Meredith and telling Mark he was in love with him.

Probably not one of his finest moments but at least there hadn't been pain.

He shifted in his bed, grabbing for the chart that sat on the side of his bed. He had no idea how to read it. Four years of pre-med hadn't taught him enough to understand at all what Meredith's writing meant, but he still kind of liked looking at it. He had planned on being a doctor after all.

He needed something, he needed something to get his mind off of the fact he way laying here, his body tight with pain, and trying not to think about the fact he wasn't sure exactly when he would be playing hockey again.

"You're awake."

That would work.

"I'm awake," he smiled at the tiny doctor with dirty blonde hair that was standing in his door way.

"Patients aren't supposed to look at their own charts, blue eyes," she giggled as she walked further into the room.

"I was just...glancing."

"And there's a difference between looking and glancing?" she asked, raising an eyebrow in his direction.

"Yes," he nodded. "Looking is...looking and glancing is...glancing."

"Are you still high?"

"No," he sighed. "In tons of pain but not actually on anything for it. Toughing it out like a man."

"You...nothing?"

"Tylenol," he shrugged, trying not to wince at the way his back had shifted.

"Derek!" Meredith gasped slightly, suddenly rushing to the side of his bed. "You...you have a broken ankle and...a herniated disc, you need...pain, you have to be in pain."

"I am," he sighed.

"Take something. I can...you need to take something because that much...you need rest and if you're in pain you won't sleep and you should...you should stop being all stupid man about this and admit to the pain and just...take something, Derek. Take something."

"No," he shook his head, allowing himself to wince as the movement caused the pain to temporarily worsen. "It makes me...I don't like feeling like that."

"Mark said you wouldn't."

"Mark was right," Derek sighed. "It was...probably fun for you and him but I don't like not being...me."

"I get that," Meredith nodded. "I mean...I get that. Being all crazy and stoned, and just saying things, I get why that would suck but well this...this is...Derek, you're in pain."

"I can deal with it."

"God...don't be such a man," she groaned, grabbing the chart from his hands. "And give that to me. You're not a doctor."

"I was nearly a doctor."

"Four years of pre-med doesn't make you nearly a doctor," Meredith rolled her eyes, looking over the chart she now held.

"I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with my body."

"Hasn't McDonald talked to you?"

"Yeah," Derek frowned. "But he's not...he doesn't really...he talks to me like I can't form a complete sentence because I play hockey."

"Oh," Meredith giggled.

"So...I was trying to figure it out by looking at my chart."

"And you can understand it?"

"No but you have nice hand writing."

"Thanks...I think," Meredith sighed, frowning slightly as she sat down on the chair near his bed that Mark had spent the night in. "Want me to explain things in kind of doctory non-doctory way?"

"Please."

"Okay," she nodded, looking at the chart. "The herniated disc thing...you know the discs in between your spine? When you got hit, one of them, one in the lower back...tore. And it...they usually heal themselves and it usually takes exercise so you won't be laying in bed all day much longer but they heal themselves...usually."

"And if they don't?"

"If...in six weeks if you're still in a great deal of pain it turns to surgery."

"And back surgery has a long recovery time."

"You'll be okay, Derek," Meredith nodded and Derek fought the urge to reach out and grab her hand.

"What's it like?" he asked instead.

"What's...what like?"

"Being a doctor," Derek shrugged, wincing slightly again. "I was going to and then hockey...what's it like?"

"Oh," she smiled softly. "It's...it's a constant high. I mean, people's lives...it's my job to save lives and cutting and...it's a high. My whole entire life is kind of like a high. Well maybe not my life but my job...it's...it feels kind of amazing having this amazing important job. Exhausting, but amazing."

"Hmmm..." he nodded slowly.

"You...you really wanted to be a doctor."

"I did."

"What happened?"

"My dad died," Derek sighed. "My dad died when I was thirteen and he always wanted me to be a hockey player. I couldn't let him down. Not after...it was his dream for me."

"But...but you have to be happy. I mean, I get that...but shouldn't..."

"I'm happy, Mer," Derek said quickly. "I love playing hockey, I love my job. I have no complaints...well besides the complete and total pain. But being here, not being able to play and being around doctors all the time, it's just making me think a bit. That's all."

"Okay," she nodded. "You can...you can ask me questions whenever you want."

"Okay," he smiled softly.

"Okay," she echoed, looking down as she smiled.

"And really, don't worry about me, Mer," he laughed softly. "I've only regretted being a hockey player once."

"You have?"

"Some cute blonde in a bar told me she doesn't sleep with hockey players."

"I should have known," Meredith rolled her eyes. "We were talking and we were having a nice time talking and you had to say that."

"I did."

"Figures," she sighed, still smiling as she looked at her watch. "And I have to go before I'm late for rounds."

"Will you come back when you can stay a bit longer?"

"Derek, I don't....I'm...busy intern and you're...."

"Come see me."

"I...okay, okay, I'll...come see you."

"Good."

"Good."

"You should go."

"I should."

"And come back later."

"I will," she nodded, a small smile playing across her lips. "See you later, blue eyes."

"See you," Derek grinned, watching her retreating back. Yes, she had definitely helped with the whole taking his mind off the pain thing.