Easy Silence

11.

Forty eight hours.

She had stayed away from him for nearly forty eight hours and she wasn't even sure how she had managed to do it.

She had stalked his hallway more than she should have, walking up and down, past his room but not even slowing down. Well except for that one time when she had briefly looked in but he had been sound asleep so that probably didn't count. Even if she had lingered there watching him for a bit longer than some would consider normal.

But she hadn't talked to him in nearly forty eight hours.

In the last forty eight hours she had managed to ignore the strange pull she had to him, the strange need she constantly felt to just sit around and listen to him all day.

She could do this.

"Are you ever going to smile again?"

"What?"

"You," Cristina shrugged. "You're walking around here looking like someone kicked your dog or something."

"I am not," Meredith frowned.

"You kind of are," Izzie sighed, from the other side of her. "I mean, maybe not that bad but you're definitely not smiling."

"I'm an intern, I'm too tired to smile."

"Which we'd love to believe but..."

"You've been floating around here like someone put speed in your coffee since McDreamy got here," Cristina shrugged.

"I have not."

"You have," Izzie nodded sagely. "And now that you have decided that you would rather avoid McDreamy, you look like the most depressed person in this hospital."

"More depressed than Mrs. Carlson is 4582 and she's going to kick it any day," Cristina sighed.

"So we think you should talk to him."

"You...you both think? The two of you talked about something and agreed about something? You two who can't stand each other both think that I need to talk to him. You...talked. Like you actually...there was talking? Are you sure that...you two don't talk."

"Barbie made me."

"I did not," Izzie groaned, rolling her eyes. "And that's not the point. The point is you're miserable with the whole not talking to him thing. So you should just suck it up and go talk to him."

"But..."

"Mer, I'm still missing the problem here," Cristina groaned. "The hot hockey player has the hots for you. Go have some hot sex."

"He's recovering from a major concussion and a herniated disc," Meredith pointed out.

"Fine, no sex," Izzie sighed. "But at least go talk to him."

"I can't."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because he...he's just, he's a hockey player and I don't sleep with hockey players so I'm not going to...I don't even like him. He...he told everyone about me and that is why, I don't want people talking about me like that in the locker room and he just proved my point so why should I...I'm not going to talk to him. He's just...I'm fine."

"You did the same thing," Izzie shrugged.

"I...what?"

"You told Cristina all about him," Izzie sighed. "You actually told Cristina all about him in the locker room."

"Oh."

"So get over it and go talk to him or whatever," Cristina groaned.

"I can't."

"Why not?" Izzie asked.

"Because I like him."

"You can't talk to him because you like him?" Cristina frowned. "That the most retarded thing I've ever heard."

"I can't talk to him because I like him."

"Why not?" Izzie sighed.

"Because I don't...." Meredith sighed. "I don't like guys. I mean, generally speaking I like guys but I don't get interested in one guy in a...you know what I mean, or at least you should know what I mean. Because...I don't. I don't do dating and I don't. And I like Derek, I mean I really like Derek. Probably more than I should and I can't, I just can't. So...no, no I'm going to talk to him."

"Meredith..." Izzie started.

"And he's a hockey player."

"Don't tell me you dated a hockey player in high school and he fucked you over so you made some stupid oath about never dating another one," Cristina groaned.

"Hockey players didn't look at me in high school," Meredith giggled slightly. "They went for the bubbly blondes with big boobs. I had pink hair and wore a lot of black."

"So you're bitter?" Izzie asked.

Meredith giggled louder this time. "Definitely not bitter. Wasn't interested then, not interested now."

"Except you just said you were," Cristina laughed.

"I...I'm not interested. There's a difference between liking someone and being interested in someone. Because if I was interested I'd want to date him and I definitely don't want to date him so I'm not...I'm not interested. At all. Just...he's hot and nice and that's all."

"You are so interested."

"No...I'm...I'm going to go."

"Chicken shit."

"Whatever."

Meredith wasn't going to go see Derek. She couldn't go see Derek because she actually liked him and she hadn't ever actually liked a guy like she liked Derek. It was just going to end badly or something so she was just going to keep avoiding his room. It had worked well so far, avoiding usually worked well for her. So no going to see Derek, no talking to Derek, no thinking about Derek.

It wasn't like she liked him that much anyway.