Easy Silence

25.

Flowers.

Derek woke up to the smell of flowers and something soft brushing against his nose. There was something warm tangled in his arms and he smiled at the soft snores that were filling the den that had become his room. The events of the night before slowly came back to him as he woke up fully and he squeezed the tiny woman in his arms, surprised to find that she was even still there.

He was falling for her. He had told her that the night before and she was still here.

He smiled again as she shifted in her sleep, cuddling closer to him. When they had fallen asleep her back had been pressed to his chest but sometime during the night she must have flipped around to wrap her arms around him. It was surprising, good but surprising. She had told him he didn't do relationships, she told him she wasn't even sure she wanted this but then she had whispered that she was falling for him. Meredith was falling for him. Which meant they probably needed to talk but right now he was okay with just holding her.

"Hmmm..." she groaned softly in her sleep, shifting again.

"Sleep," he murmured, brushing his lips against her soft hair. She was soft. She was everything he had figured she would be, not that he had spent a lot of time thinking about holding her like this since the first night since she had shot him down.

The first girl to shoot him down in longer than he wanted to consider.

Which was probably why he was here. Because girls fell all over him all the time. They had since he had been a junior playing in the area, and Meredith hadn't. Meredith had rolled her eyes.

She had to know him before falling into bed with him.

"Derek..."

"Hey, you're supposed to be asleep," he laughed softly, running his hand through her hair.

"You were moving around too much," she frowned slightly.

"Sorry."

"It's...it's okay," she breathed, suddenly looking at him carefully, her eyes wide as she obviously realized that she had woken up naked beside him. "Oh..." she breathed, suddenly burying her face in the crook of his neck, breathing deeply.

"Don't freak out," he whispered into her hair, hugging her tighter. "I know...please don't freak out."

"I'm not."

"Meredith."

"Okay, I am," she murmured against his neck. "Because we said things, we said things, Derek, things that change everything. Plus we did things, things that I swore I wasn't ever going to do with you because you're a hockey player and you're Derek and I wasn't, I didn't plan on doing those things but I did. And things...things change things. Or other things...things change other things. Big things. We can't...things."

"I don't think I've ever heard the word things that much at once."

"Shut up," she whispered, hitting his arm. "It's just...this is big. Big things happened and I don't..."

"You have no idea what any of this means?"

"Yeah," she sighed, her lip between her teeth as she rolled off of him, to lay on her back beside him.

"Neither do I," he admitted quietly.

"You don't?"

"No," he sighed, reaching over the small space between them to tangle his hand in hers, squeezing it gently as he took a deep breath. "This is...big things were said and big things happened. Things I didn't even realize until last night and now...my head is spinning just as much as yours."

"Not until last night?"

"I wasn't...don't get me wrong, Mer. I'm not one of those hockey players that sleep around just because I can. I'm not that guy. I was in high school and college but I've outgrown it, I honestly have. I was never looking for you to be another notch on my belt or whatever. I'm not that person at all. But I don't think...you were cute, you were fun to flirt with and I figured you'd be a lot of fun to hang out with. I didn't think..."

"The falling for bit," she breathed.

"Yeah," he sighed. "That...I didn't even think in terms of that until last night when Mark pointed it out to me."

"And then it was all you could think about."

"Yeah," he whispered.

"Izzie," Meredith giggled slightly, rolling onto her side to look at him. "Izzie pointed it out to me last night. I don't think...I have no idea what happened in the movie because all I could think...Izzie."

"I didn't hear a word of the movie," he breathed, turning to his own side, his hand finding hers immediately.

"And now..."

"Everything is different," he admitted, ducking is head forward to kiss her gently. Because he needed to. He was certain that it was terrible timing, certain that kissing her in the middle of this conversation when nothing had been decided on was the wrong thing to do. But he needed to kiss her. "What does this mean?"

"I think...I think it means whatever we want it too," Meredith murmured.

"Okay," Derek nodded slowly, reaching a hand over to run a thumb along her jaw line, smiling at the softness he was met with and the way she tilted her head toward her. "What do you want it to mean?"

"I don't know," she whispered, tears suddenly rushing to her eyes. "I don't know and I...I've always known what I want. I wanted...surgery, I wanted to be a surgeon and I didn't want a guy, I just wanted...I knew, Derek, I knew and now I don't know."

"I never know."

"What?"

"I've never known what I wanted. My entire life...it's always been a battle over what I want and...I don't even know what but I've never known."

"Oh."

"I want to give this a try."

"What?"

"I never know what I want," he shrugged one shoulder. "And for once, I do. I know what I want. I want you. Or I want to give this a try. I don't know how to word it but I want...I want to see where this could go."

"Derek..."

"If you...if you need time to think about that or just...you can take some time, you don't have..."

"No."

"Oh, I mean..."

"No, not no no, Yes. I mean, yes no. Or no, yes. Yes...no...okay, now I'm confused," she frowned, chewing her bottom lip for a second. "No, I don't need time. Yes, I want to...see...you know, whatever."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," he breathed, nodding slowly, his cheek brushing against the soft fabric of his pillow case as he watched her carefully. She was smiling, her grey-green eyes sparkling softly as she studied him just as carefully and he grinned in return.

"But slow," she said, her eyes widening slightly. "I mean, we said things but we can't just...slow, can we go slow?"

"I can do slow."

"Good."

"Good."

He smiled softly again as he took the time to watch her, letting his thumb glide over the soft skin of her hand that was intertwined with his. They should be talking. They had said things the night before, and they certainly had done things the night before. Now was the time for talking about all that, more than they already had. So far they had barely hit the surface, there should be talking. He just couldn't think of anything to say.

"Mer..."

"Hmmm?" she breathed.

"Would you like to go out for dinner with me tomorrow night?"