Easy Silence

35.

For the first time ever, Derek hated being a hockey player.

Or maybe he didn't hate it, but he didn't exactly like it. And it hadn't actually been the first time he had felt that way about his job, but recently the whole disliking it thing had become more and more in focus. Because he missed his girlfriend. The last week had been hell on them. It wasn't even that they weren't seeing each other. It was more that when they did see each other the time consisted more of sleeping than it did anything else because she worked crazy hours and he seemed to always be at the rink.

He hadn't noticed until the last few weeks how much time he actually spent at the rink.

And now he just wanted to be with his girlfriend, which apparently meant choking down the things that the hospital claimed were food because she had been at work for the last thirty-six hours and he was desperate to be with her.

"I'm sorry," she murmured for the millionth time as she poked at her fries.

"Mer, it's okay," he laughed softly, grabbing for one of her fries. "The food sucks, the atmosphere sucks but the company makes up for it."

"You're cheesy," she rolled her eyes, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"You missed the cheesiness," he shrugged.

"I did," she shrugged, reaching out to grab his hand that rested on the table between them, giving it a tight squeeze. "I really am sorry, Der. This week has been crazy and..."

"Mer, it's okay," Derek nodded. "It happens."

"I know, it's just...I want time for you. You're my boyfriend and I love you and I want time, I want us to have time."

"I want time too."

"I won't be an intern forever," she murmured.

"I know," he nodded, squeezing her hand. "Mer, it really is okay. Or maybe it's not but its our lives and I'm happy. I love you and we'll get through this, I swear we will. Right now, we go with stolen moments."

"And you're okay with that?"

"No," he sighed, looking down at the floppy lettuce on his plate that the hospital called a salad. He hated it. He hated how little of his girlfriend he actually saw. He understood that there was nothing either of them could do about it but that didn't make him like it anymore. He had finally found the woman he wanted to spend forever with and it was like he never got to actually spend any time with. It was driving him crazy and he was tired of it. So he couldn't actually sit here and pretend that any of this okay, when it clearly wasn't. But it was Meredith and he knew that eventually, eventually it had to be okay. "Are you okay with it?"

"No."

"We don't have to be. We just...get through it. It will get easier."

"You think so?"

"I have to. Because the only other option...well I'm not exactly sure there is another option so we get through it."

"Because we're us..."

"It seems the lady is finally getting it," Derek laughed. "Mer, seriously...I love you, I'm putting up with your crazy schedule, you're putting up with mine. So we...probably shouldn't spend our time together talking about things that we can't change. I'd rather..."

"Be happy?"

"Yeah," he nodded slowly. "You make me happy."

"You make me happy too," she murmured, looking down at her plate again as she finally grabbed a french fry. "I'm glad you came for lunch."

"So am I."

"My day has been hell. I was running late and Bailey stuck me in the pit which is...the pit is hell, Derek. I'm actually sure that it's hell or some hell dimension or something. I don't even know what I hell dimension is but it sounds bad so...hell dimension."

"It can't be that bad."

"It can be and it is," Meredith pouted. "It's like...if they made you skate around the rink..."

"I don't mind skating around the rink."

"For twelve hours?"

"Okay. Point taken."

"It's just...hell. If I'm going to be stuck here instead of at home with you, I want to at least be...doing something. Something...real."

"Like cutting?"

"Just like cutting,"

"I'm sure you'll cut tomorrow, Mer."

"I will," she nodded and then giggled. "If someone doesn't make me run late."

"Hey! That wasn't me. It was the showers fault."

"Oh the showers fault..."

"Alex is a complete and total asshole," Izzie groaned, dropping down beside Derek. "I swear, I'm going to kill him. He's just...and who even says that? Denny is this great guy and then Alex comes along and..."

"Denny?" Derek frowned, moving close to Meredith and trying not to be too annoyed. This was definitely part of the problem. He liked her friends, he genuinely liked her friends, they just had a tendency to come and interrupt them, without any warning and he definitely didn't like that.

"Izzie's patient," Meredith explained, giving him a pointed look that told him he couldn't question this any further.

"He needs a heard transplant," Izzie explained. "And Alex, Alex the world's biggest asshole had to tell him that he's dying."

"That's because he is, Izzie," Alex groaned, falling into the seat Derek had just vacated. "The guy's dying, there's nothing wrong with tell him that."

"There is everything wrong with tell him that," Izzie snapped. "He might not die. He has a chance and as long as he has a chance, you can't tell him things like how he might die. That's not fair."

"Iz, the guy is going to kick it."

"Heart guy?" Cristina asked as her and George arrived at the table.

"He has a name. It's Denny. His name is Denny," Izzie sighed.

"Sorry," Meredith mouth, looking up at him.

"It's okay," he mouthed back.

Meredith sighed as she let him pull her closer to him, throwing an arm around her shoulders as he pulled her against his chest. This sucked, he was finally with his girlfriend and he wasn't eager to share her with someone else, anyone else but he wasn't going to complain. Because this was better than not being with her at all. He couldn't complain.