I wonder if I'll ever be forgiven for my sins against others, for my callous and careless comments that I've now forgotten, but will live on in the minds of those I wronged. I wonder how many thoughtless jokes made at someone's expense, will be the foundation upon which their mental illnesses thrive. I wonder if the ones who's judgement matters, will forgive me for the tears of my family and the pain of my parents. I wonder who'll forgive me for the pain I've brought upon myself. I wonder if all the good I do will ever replace all the pained lives I've forgotten in my blissful ignorance and cushy house. I wonder how many animals will die so I can have a simple shower, I wonder how many children, how many calf were torn away from their mothers to become my food. I wonder how many homeless have suffered from my inability to look at them and give an iota of my excess.
I wonder if this is why my creator made death? To spare us the pain of seeing the consequences of our carelessness and privilege. Death is a reprieve from seeing the future pain that will be caused, and I think it is merciful in that manner. Still I am a sinner, and I am scared of my sins. Is there anyone out there that can cleanse me. I do not believe the water that baptized me as a child, anticipated the pain I would cause. I wonder if that water still clings to my skin today, or have I cried it out of me. I wonder who will forgive me when I remember that I can barely forgive myself. I hope when it is time for my judgement, the one who judges me can ignore the filth of my actions on my skin, that they can look past it to see the empty vessel of my soul and see hope for redemption there. I hope they will forgive me when I cannot do the same for myself.
YOU ARE READING
Lost In My Head
Poetry"This is something that I hope no one will ever see, because this one thing..... Just this once, I wish to treasure for only me" ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ A book of poetry and prose, and the general musings of my fucked up mind
