Have you ever loved someone so much, that no matter what they do, you keep crawling back to them. You keep forgiving them, keep telling yourself, "oh but our history", "our blood", "our family"...or whatever exscuse you use to delude yourself into thinking that what you're doing isnt pathetic. Please tell me. Because I'm out of excuses too.
Because I have this person. This person that hurts me so bad, makes me wonder if any of this is worth it. Worth the pain. Makes me clutch a tiny bottle in my hand like it is all I have left. But then they come back the next day like nothing happened, like they didnt tear me apart the day before, and I want to yell and scream. I want to rage, and show them my scarred soul, but their pain trumps my own, and slowly, like the tides in a hurricane, my rage recedes. I adapt, and I survive. Waiting until the next time they drag me around. Till the next time, when my grief rips me to pieces.
But I do not know if I can anymore. I dont think I can. I-Im not sure.
Because everytime they hurt me, there isnt anyone to mend the wounds. There is only me. And how can I play victim and healer, when the wounds are fatal.
Which is why, I said my goodbyes yesterday. I told myself that it would be better if I was gone. It would be better for everyone, but mostly for me. Because my heart weeps for myself, and the agony I feel every day I breathe. It would be better, because I would be able to rest.
YOU ARE READING
Lost In My Head
Poesie"This is something that I hope no one will ever see, because this one thing..... Just this once, I wish to treasure for only me" ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ A book of poetry and prose, and the general musings of my fucked up mind
