Wow.
I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I admitted the way I feel to Jennifer. I can't believe she still wants to be my friend anymore. As I sit here, I know my life is going to be so different because of this. For better or for worse may I ask? Returning to work tomorrow will be an experience. Just being in the same room with her will spread an uneasy haze of awkwardness across the room. Maybe I shouldn't go to work tomorrow. Should I call in sick? Avoiding my problems will never solve them, only make them worse, I guess. Life would be much simpler if I had let myself suffer longer rather than tell her. And although I feel a mighty weight off of my shoulders which were ready to collapse from the weight, I'm still stuck.
I'm stuck in the position where I'm just a man who is there. Only there. No existing reason needed to live, I'm only here because I was made to be. No real position in this world of desire. We are all just put here, and I don't know how. By God, or by some other force, I really cannot tell you. But what is our purpose here? Some say to live a great life, but then what is a great life? Making money or accomplishing your dreams? It depends on the person. To love? I believe we might not all be given the chance to love, but if it's a choice of hatred or love, there is only one true answer: All you need is love.
I am only a thinker, stuck in his own conscious, contemplating life. Should I waste away slowly, or live my life how I want to? My only dreams can be accomplished with not just me, but others. I would love to have Jennifer in my life, as more than a friend. I greatly enjoy her friendship, but alas, that is all I am left with in the end. May I just be selfish for a moment? I would love to hold her in my arms and fall asleep next to her, and every morning wake up to her beautiful smile. Listening to her thoughts and desires every day would be a true honour. Just knowing she loves me would be the greatest feeling a man can possibly feel. And cover your eyes if you must, but I can't even imagine how amazing making love to her must be. I promise on my life I would treat her right. The opportunity to love has never been given to me, and if I get this chance to, I will be forever grateful. A caring and passionate man is what I aim to be. My passion and love for Jennifer is undying and yet at the same time unrequited. Internally, my heart suffers from the pain she inflicts on me, but it is never her fault. It is mine, for falling so foolishly. She lives a life of style and class, while although I am the same economical rank, we seem so different. I am the petty peasant made to love and adore her, while she was made to look down at us as we beg at her feet for some sign of my acknowledgment. It's a cruel, cruel world out there.
A/N Sorry for the super deep chapter. This chapter was also really short because the last one was long and a lot to take in at once. Also, this one is more philosophical, and requires more effort. Hopefully some of you guys get the references in my story, but it's okay (and expected) if you don't really. I like to add little bits here and there to link this story to music and other stuff. I'd just like to say that whenever I mention a song, I usually like that song and would love for you to have a listen if you can. If you don't have the time, whatever! Sorry for the inconsistent posting, I'm just having problems with things. Hopefully I can post more frequently now.
I went to this Beatles tribute concert on Friday, and it was so cool! When they played Imagine by John Lennon, everyone took out their phones and waved them in the air. We all sang along, wishing for the world John described in his song. It was one of the best moments of my life, everyone in the room united by a song that came out 45 years ago! And the finale where they played Hey Jude was awesome. We all sang along to the 'Na Na Na, Hey Jude' part at the end for like five minutes. It was so amazing and wonderful. I really recommend The Beatles, and I think of you guys should give them a listen. And if you ever get a chance to see the Fab Four, consider yourself lucky!
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A Step Back (Jennifer. A + David. S)
Fanfiction"His eyes are watering, he looks so broken and vulnerable, but I understand now. All of those nights where he was so sweet and tender, saying things so nice, things even my past boyfriends had never said. All of those times where he'd savor each kis...
