A Step Back (Jennifer. A + David. S)

Chapter 16: Tomorrow Never Knows

{Tomorrow Never Knows - The Beatles}
I wake up to the sound of the rain, and once again it's pouring. The sweet smell of the wetness outside lingers through my open window, and into my room. The curtains are open, revealing the street below me, and cars slowly drifting by the window. The sky is an icy blue, and the sun hasn't fully risen yet. I sit up, stretching my arms over my head. I then rest my head back down onto the warm pillow below me. It's okay, I have time.
Facing Jennifer today will be hard, but of course necessary. We need to be able to communicate as friends, at the least. Filming the last couple of months have been fun, and we finish in three weeks. Memories come flooding back in heavy waves of laughter. Am I insane for just laying down, staring at my ceiling, and laughing? Hopefully next season more good things happen, and I know, they will. I cannot say how long we will continue the show for, maybe only a year more. What if this is our first and final year? Our show has good ratings, and get a hefty number of views each week, so hopefully we can continue for as along as we can. When will that ending moment be, when we say goodbye one final time? I can't say.
Slowly, my mind makes its way to Jennifer. Jennifer. She has a lovely name, and I enjoy saying it quietly to myself. What is my life? I'm so hopelessly in love with a woman I have no hopes in dating. I think back to the time when we first met, and we talked in that cozy restaurant for hours by ourselves. Love is one massive mystery to me.
As the rain begins to thicken and the sun starts to rise, I sit up on the edge of my bed. The cold makes me shiver, and a chill runs down my spine and my bare back. I close my eyes and listen to the patters of the rain on the roof for a minute. The sound of people walking down the street, cars rolling by, and stores opening up, fill my ears. I find my way to the shower in my bathroom, and turn on the water. After I've undressed, I step under the steaming rays of water and let it run down me. After I've finished, I towel myself and return to my room to get dressed. Once I open the dresser drawer, I grab a pull-over sweater, boxers, jeans, and socks. Once I get dressed, I then slip into my shoes.
After breakfast, I grab my coat and leave for work. As I drive, I think about the long and arduous day I have ahead of me. The work itself may not be too strenuous, but rehearsing with Jennifer might be. Hopefully she does not treat me any differently than before. Has she told Courteney and Lisa that I told her?
I walk up to the front door of the soundstage as I cover myself from the rain, but not doing that good of a job. I walk onto the set of the apartments, and as usual, the only areas lit are the rooms so it's hard to see anywhere else. Sitting on the couch with his back to me is Matt, and no one else. The set is unusually empty. It's generally thriving with people trotting around and adjusting various things as well. Instead, we are alone. He hasn't seen me, and I tug on my sweater sleeves out of nervousness to approach him. Last time we met he beat me up, so I'm scared he'll do it again. He won't though, at least not on this set with witnesses. I make my way to him before speaking up. He beats me to it when he sees me.
"Hey David," he begins in a calm voice, "We need to talk". He announces, clearing the air.
He glances towards the couch across from him and I sit sheepishly. When our eyes meet, he begins speaking once more.
"I'm really sorry for how I've treated you over the last few months. I'd just like to say I'm over the whole Jennifer thing, and I've realized how terrible the stuff I did to you was. I'm truly sorry for my actions." He apologizes, sounding purely genuine. I gawk at his unexpected niceness, and stand, only to take a seat next to him on the couch.
"Thanks for apologizing. I'm glad you realized we're only fighting over a woman neither of us can have." I reply.
He clenches his fist in anger.
"What? You think I can't get her? I just backed down for you!" He threatened, making me back up.
He then starts laughing so hard he almost chokes and curls over.
"Wh-what? I'm confused!" I say, my voice shaking.
He only laughs more, before finally spotting out his words.
"I'm joking! Jeez, can't you take a little joke?" He finally wraps up his laughter.
After a quiet talk, Jennifer enters the building. My voice cracks and then stops, as she approaches us. She looks wonderful in her coral dress, which compliments her beautiful body so perfectly. I feel so underdressed, because I'm only wearing a pull over sweater and black jeans. When she approaches, she touches my shoulder lightly before sitting across from Matt and I on the single chair. No one else has come yet, so it's awkward with just us three.
"Matt, did you umm, physically hurt David?" She breaks the silence, intriguing him.
He breathes in deeply before turning his gaze to her, while mine never left her sight.
"Yes, but I realized what I did was wrong and apologized to him." He goes on, as if reporting the news.
She nods, and gives him a disapproving look. My stare is kept on her, probably resembling a begging puppy. My hands are tightly folding between my legs and I shyly look up at her as if her catching me looking at her would result in punishment. Kevin S. Bright then comes to greet us, and doing so he also calls Jennifer and I's names.
"Marta and David would like to talk to you two now, please." He instructs, motioning for us to join him. I stand up after Jennifer has passed me and walk behind her nervously. Have they found out about how I feel? Will they punish her or me? Hopefully my actions will not affect her negatively. When he leads us into their office, they gesture for us to take a seat in the chairs across from them. I pull out Jennifer's chair for her, before sitting in my own. We both seem a bit nervous, but none more than myself. David (Crane) then speaks.
"So, I have some news for you both." He smiles.
Jennifer and I both turn to glance at each other. She smiles at me and places her hand on my leg under the table.
"As you know, we are approaching the end of the season, and we have just written the script for the final episode. We've decided that in it, your two characters will share a passionate kiss. We didn't want to tell you the week of, because it might be a bit unexpected then. We'd like to make this as least awkward as possible, so we advise you two to kiss once or twice on your own time to get used to each other so it doesn't look forced on camera." Marta announces.
Jennifer looks uneasy in her seat, and I feel bad because I'm probably making her feel that way. I also probably look incredibly nervous and scared as well. David clears the air once more.
"Look," his soothing voice calms us both, "You two are both brilliant actors, and kissing each other won't be hard. You'll see. You two have a connection, and we can tell. When we first wrote the show, we intended for Monica and Joey to be the main love interests, but when you guys showed us your characters and acting ability, we knew it would be you guys. The passion and chemistry between you guys alone can silence a room, and we want to take advantage of that." (He did say that irl).
We both blush bright red, and I look down at my lap in silence.
"Have fun." Marta calls out as we exit the room.
As we return to the set, I turn to her.
"Are you okay with kissing me?" I ask, being considerate for her feelings.
As we walk down the dark hallway she responds:
"Of course, you know how much I care about you." She grins at me.
I stop, and stand only a foot away from her, enveloped in darkness.
"Are you okay with my feelings for you?" I whisper.
"It's odd knowing that you think of me differently than others, but at the same time it's sweet and flattering." I try and blush to the ground, but she catches me.
"You don't have to hide it anymore, take advantage of that. Your deepest secret is unveiled, so you don't have to protect yourself from vulnerability." She whispers, stroking my arm.
I bring my eyes to her, and remind her of my situation.
"It's just that... this is the first time I've ever been in love before, and it's scary and confusing. My feelings are all over the place, strewn about." I admit carefully.
She smiles reassuringly, bringing me in for a warm embrace.
"I'd forgotten how hard it is to fall in love for the first time. And you are facing it alone, which is much more challenging. But you'll be okay, you're a tough one." She retracts and turns away, before joining the others back on the set. By now, everyone has arrived for the day.
JENNIFER'S POV
When we join the others, everybody looks at us strangely. I respectively take my seat in a chair, while David resides to the couch. All eyes are on David or I. He clenches his jaw, and stares at his fiddling hands situated in his lap.
"Wow, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife." Matty jokes, but only earns a few disapproving looks.
I do not quite understand why everyone is so freaked out, or I guess they are actually quite the opposite. Silence and ice coldness fills the room. If anything, David is in the harder position.
"So what actually happened between you two?" Matt intervenes, as Lisa begins speaking, "Yeah you guys are best friends!" She adds.
David looks up to meet five pairs of eyes looking straight at him.
"Nothing has happened between us at all. We got some news about next week's episode and that's it. You guys are the ones making this awkward and acting as if we have done wrong." He takes a breath, "Case closed." He stands, and walks into his dressing room.
All eyes switch to look at me.
"Alright, we are going to kiss in the next episode, and Marta and David told us something...something you don't hear everyday." I finish, before standing up and going to find David. The others begin their own separate conversations. I speed down the hallway to the door at the end. I lean my side against it seeing if I can hear anything. I can't, so I knock on his door.
"Come in," he says, dropping his voice.
I open the door to reveal him with his back to me and his hands running through his hair worriedly.
The wall on my right in lined with books, and he has a little desk and a chair in the corner. It's a small room, one of the tiniest. A carpet lies across the floor, muting all footsteps.
"What happened back there?" I ask, clearing the air once more.
He doesn't turn around to meet me.
"I," he pauses, drawing in air. "...don't know." He states, now leaning with his right shoulder against the side of the shelf.
His stance is crooked, and his hair a mess. He slowly leans his head over, resting it too against the bookshelf. Carefully, I take a step forward, before pausing in front of his back. My nose is inches away from the space between his shoulder blades, so perfectly carved out from his back.
"Tell me." I declare, slightly scaring him.
He doesn't answer, and I close my eyes. I take my arms and wrap them around his stomach, bringing him closer to me. His forearms come to rest atop mine, so I flatten my cheek against his back. We take a moment, pausing in each other's warm embrace reminding me what is to see a man in pain. True, horrifying pain. He turns around in my arms, leaning down to meet my eyes. My arms tighten around his back, trying to hold him as close to me as possible, although his body is pressed against mine so tightly we could never be unbound now. I glance up to his eyes once, before pulling his head down to rest on my shoulder, and comfort him. I'm not quite sure what has upset him so strongly, but at this point care is all I can give him. I hear his ragged breaths come out from his chest, where I could feel his heart pounding away. I bring my left hand forward to run through the back of his thick, brown, hair. It calms him, but now his eyes are watering with tears. I can only wonder why.
"Tell me, David." I declare, biting my lip.
He takes my hand. He delicately explains to me how he feels, exposing his tender thoughts and feelings.
"It's just that..." He takes a breath, "I've always loved you. Although 'always' may only be a year for us, a year is a long time. A long time to be in such pain, I say. All I want is to be able to love you, and maybe you love me. But of course life could never be so simple. Marta and David both said we have chemistry, and the passion between us can silence a room. We saw the effects just earlier, with our friends. Matty saw it especially, and he doesn't even know. I know you don't love me, but why can't it be that simple? Everyone thinks we should be together, and even the man whom we called the 'villain' has stepped down to make way for us. I just can't see why we shouldn't be together." He cries, with such sexual desperation.
His breath mixes with mine, his chest rising and falling against my own. His face, only inches apart, looks in such pain. His eyes are weary, his hands shaking whilst holding mine so tightly in his own. Our eyes locked, now must our lips. His right hand rises, and cups my cheek lightly with his hand. His thumb roams across my cheekbone, while his left rises to cup my left. With hands on my face warmly, I retreat my right hand from his waist and back, and place it atop his chest. We look into each other's eyes with love, once more before closing them. As his lips get closer, he pauses, only half a centimetre away.
"Do you want this?" He whispers so lightly, I barely heard it myself.
I nod, and he connects our lips. Our warmth envelopes each other, bringing us closer than ever, although our bodies are already pressed together. Instead of his usual soft, sweet, and romantic kiss, he goes in for a more passionate one. I can feel the need and desire in his lips, ashamed if it's love. But after a few seconds, where we would normally stop, he pulls back. I feel needy, and wanting. I don't let him walk away, so I keep my forehead pressed against his with my hands on his shoulders. He doesn't seem to want to leave. Instead, he looks to my eyes for approval of something. Whatever it is, I know I want it.
He leans in once again, continuing our kiss. But this time, instead of pulling back, his tongue asks for entrance. I let him in, and our bodies mold together, as one.
COURTNENEY'S POV
David left almost ten minutes ago, and when Jen followed she never came back. She must be with him, somewhere, wherever.
"I'm going to go and find them." I announce, standing.
"I'd check the closet first, they might be 'doing it' in there." Matty laughs, taking my seat on the couch.
Chuckling, I walk off to Jen's dressing room. I knock on the door, but when nobody answers, I come right in. Empty. I turn and tip toe down the hallway to David's dressing room, so in case they are in there I can listen to them. It's not creepy okay! When I approach David's door, I hear nothing, but I expect more. If they aren't in here, then I might takes Matty's idea seriously and check the closet. I slowly creak open the door and phase in the doorway, but what I see amazes me.
David and Jen, kissing with so much passion, they look like two star crossed lovers making love for the first time. Okay, I admit I've been reading too many romance novels recently. Anyway, his hands cupping her face, while her right hand sits atop his chest running down it affectionately while her left is around his back. I knock on the already open door and clear my throat. They break their kiss immediately, and David almost collapses when he sees me. Their faces are pure horror, so I try and look as apologetic as possible. Jen removes her arms from him, and turns around so she stands next to him, while facing me. He looks down at her nervously.
"I'm sorry I should've knocked before walking in." I mutter delicately.
Jennifer smiles fakely.
"It's okay, just do not tell anyone. It's not what you think, honestly." She assures, looking up at David for help.
But all he could return was a look of such intense pain, it killed me. When he looked down at her, I witnessed his heart shatter in his chest. She didn't understand why he looked so hurt.
"But..." He began, but he had trouble finishing.
"I'm going to go, I'll talk to you two later." I intervene, before leaving the room and shitting the door.
JENNIFER'S POV
David looks down at me with a broken look splattered across his face.
"You don't... You didn't kiss me because you like me, you kissed me as practice for next week!" He starts.
I nod, because that's why I kissed him. Is he confused?
"I thought you liked me! But you said it's not what it looks like, but it was exactly how it looks! I told you everything, and all you do is betray me and use me. You lead me on, and it hurts me like a dagger to the chest sometimes. You made me believe that you actually liked me." He shouted, angrily.
I looked at him with confusion, but I then realize how he took it.
"How could I ever be so foolish to think that you would love me?" He asked out loud.
I take his shoulder, and calm him.
"I'm sorry, I didn't think you would take it like I acted." I consoled, but he only walked away.
Confined in this tiny room together, he rested his head against the wall, with his forearms on either side of his ears.
"Why am I the unluckiest of men?" He quietly asks to the wall.
I keep my distance from him.
"Well actually you are n.." I begin, but he interrupts, "I know, I'm lucky. I'm lucky to be able to love the most beautiful, intelligent, perfect woman of them all, but she doesn't love me back. If only a woman would love me, then maybe my heart wouldn't be so lonely. And maybe I wouldn't spend my nights uselessly crying over someone whom I can't call my own. And maybe my chest wouldn't ache continuously, only reminding me of the terrible pain I have endured. And maybe...
Oh God damnit I wish you could understand!" his voice raised, as he turns to face me,"...Just how much I truly love you." He finishes.
He settles against the wall, his eyes closed. I don't know how to properly respond, so I whisper that I'm sorry and I open the door, leaving him alone.
DAVID'S POV
When I open my eyes again, she is gone. I am not surprised, but alone. Loneliness is a feeling I know all too well.