A Step Back (Jennifer. A + David. S)

Chapter 17: The End...of the Season

A/N: Sorry about the title, hopefully it didn't scare you. ;)
Jennifer's POV
It's a refreshing morning, definitely a great one indeed. I'm drinking my coffee while driving to work on a Tuesday morning, nothing special. My mind begins to wander, and I think about the day ahead. Yesterday, David and I...talked? But today will be different; I'm going to pull him aside and give him a little talk, and hopefully settle everything between us. Since today is the end of the season, I'm nervous, and more so than usual. Nervous? It's because I then have May, June, and July to do whatever! When you are young, you crave those few months of summer, but once you mature into adulthood, the summer is the same as any part of the year. Now, I have that same feeling- a long needed break. And then, back to work in August. I haven't spent anytime planning, but I'm sure this summer will consist of a massive amount of Lisa and Courteney. That's okay. As I pull into the lot, I notice only David's car is here. Good, we'll have time to talk.
I find him sitting comfortably on the couch on set, reading a magazine. He turns the page as I place my hands on his shoulders from behind. He jumps, turning around looking startled.
"Ah! Oh, hi Jennifer." He says, returning with a weak smile.
I walk around the couch so I'm in front of him, standing between his legs, and I take his hands. I try and pull him up, but he doesn't move an inch.
"Come on! Here, take my hand, I want to talk." I nag, tugging on his long arms.
He finally stands, towering over me. I always forget how tall he truly is, and how far back I have to tilt my head to look into his eyes.
"What do you want to talk about?" He mutters, looking down on me.
He looks worn and tired, as he rubbed his eyes. I didn't want to strain him, so I let him sit back down on the couch. I took my seat next to him, with my arm across his shoulders.
"I just wanted to bring up the subject of us..." I began, looking to his eyes for support.
His nervousness set in, reminding him of yesterday. I watched as he fidgeted with his sleeves, and ruffled his hair awkwardly.
"How so?" He asked.
" I guess I just wanted to say, I'm still your friend. Nothing has changed between us, and the way we treat each other should remain the same as it has before. If you ever have a problem, I'll be there for you. It's not a question David, it's a fact. No matter what, we will always be friends, no more, no less." I stated plainly.
He looked down at his hands in his lap, fumbling with his fingers.
"But..." He began, but I stopped him, "No."
He clenched his jaw.
"You don't know everything Jennifer. We could end up getting married, or we could end up as enemies forever. It's not really your choice." He lashed out.
"Then who's choice is it?" I asked calmly, making him think.
I watched him as he thought.
"No one's, really. I guess stuff just sort of...happens. If a car crashes, the man driving it didn't necessarily try to crash it, it just happened. Or if you fall in love, you don't always decide to. I know I didn't want to, and I tried stopping it, but nothing worked. It's not always a matter of choice." He offered.
In fact, he's right. He really is. David's intelligence is only challenged by himself, and I have to admit he's one of the smartest among us. He possesses the kind of intelligence that you know is there, but you rarely experience it. He amazes me everyday.
He gently watches me as I think, and I can tell he's doing it. He's probably trying to read me, and I know however hard he tries, he'll fail. It's like breaking Enigma; when he finally does it, he can't use his knowledge to it's full potential.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask, long after I finished processing.
He weakly smiles.
"Maybe I'm amazed." He plainly states.
I affectionately rub his upper arm, but he glances down at his lap instead of meeting my eyes.
"Thank you, David. But seriously, what's wrong? Is there something that's been bothering you recently?" I ask carefully.
His eyes never meet mine.
"I guess it's been hard recently. You know, dealing with everything. My depression has made it's comeback, and nothing is getting any easier. I just wish it was all over. I wish I could say I fought through it like a hero, and I have my scars, and I'm alright. But no, I'm not alright, and I'm not even sure if I'll make it, let alone recover. Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I'm insane, or maybe I'm just overly obsessed with you. It's come to the point where I don't even know anymore." He tiredly mutters, as if speaking was the hardest thing.
I brought him closer to me, wrapping my arm across his shoulders.
"Nobody can hear me cry from across the universe, it's not the end of the world. I'm an insane man, locked in his own fucked up imagination." He whispered, so softly I barely heard his voice.
I kissed his cheek, and wiped the lonely tear away, making sure no more were to come.
It's emotionally challenging days like these that make me feel so guilty. Because although he says otherwise, I know he has that tiny fragment of hope that we will someday be together. It's what gets him through the day, and let's him sleep at night. These last couple of months have been the roughest of his life so far, and it's like trying to find your way home in a raging blizzard.
LATER
David and I planned to hangout after work today, so I followed him home in my car. He unlocked the door, letting me into the familiar home. He took my coat from my arms and hung it behind me on a coat hanger, and led me into the kitchen.
"Would you like anything to drink? You know, coffee, tea...water?" He asks.
I smile up at him, and tell him I'd like tea. He pulls out the kettle and boils water, while two blue cups sit empty aside him. He pulls out the chair across from me. Once the tea is made, he brings the cups to us, taking a sip. I then follow him, the steam pouring out of the cup like liquid. The table isn't too wide, so we are very close together.
"So, are you excited for the end of the season?" I ask carefully.
He sets down his mug gently.
"I guess, but I do love work. I don't know what I'm going to do for those months we have off." He replies, quieter than usual.
I know he's been a little down recently, so I take his hand which was limply laying across the table. He looks down at them, and smiles very slightly, thinking I can't see him. But I can.
"Hey you know what we never did? Marta and David told us to practice kissing before we film the scene. Do you want to give it a go?" I ponder, trying to strike a spark inside him.
"You know I'd love to kiss you, but do we really need to? We're both adults, and we both know how to kiss, I don't see the point." He replies, unhappily. I'd never really known what depression did to a man, but now I see it. It's in his eyes, it's in his voice, it's in the soft demeanor he possesses that makes him seem weaker. It's him.
"You know what, cmon, let's do this David." I command, pulling him up.
I stand him up next to the table, and I stand across from him. He is slunching his shoulders, so I push him lightly on the chest, but he teeters backwards, almost falling down.
"What was that for?" He chuckled, the deep resonance in his voice reminded me of his once smile.
"You were slunching! I was straightening your back, but you almost fell. Here, just stick you chest out like you're proud." I advise, and watching him was so funny. He stuck it out like a little preschooler would when he won a tiny trophy for nothing. I held my stomach, us both laughing so hard.
"Great advice Jennifer!" He laughs, straightening his back, but at least now his posture is better.
The room suddenly loses its funniness, and now we're silent. I pull him forward by his shirt, startling him. I place my hands up on his shoulders, while his find the way to my waist.
"Ok, let's do like a little kiss first. Just a small, short, soft one." I announce, and he nods his head in response.
He leans forward, so his lips are almost brushing mine, and then goes in. Very softly and gently, he kisses me with no tongue. When he pulls back, I nod, slightly blushing. He is bright red.
"Good. Now let's do it for longer, say twenty seconds?" I assure him, and he smiles ever so slightly.
He leans in again, but his hand brushes up and down my lower back, making me tingle slightly. I pull him closer so our bodies are together, and run my fingers through his soft hair. I rub the spot on the lower part of his neck where his hair ends. This time I step back, brushing the hair out of my eyes and look up at him. Wow he's great at kissing and makes me feel weird inside, but he can't tell what I'm thinking.
"Alright let's use our tongues! Let's go all the way and do it for 30 seconds!" I enthusiastically say.
He smiles, but gets nervous. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and tilts his head to the ground. I come closer to him, and place one of my hands against his chest, rubbing it reassuringly. He looks up shyly, like a toddler who's just stolen candy. I smile, and take his hands, placing them on my waist. I find mine atop his shoulders, and stand on my tip toes to get to him. I kiss him once, and ups his confidence until he's ready to initiate the kiss. His head goes down, and his breath lands on my lips, making me shake slightly. He begins softly, kissing me like the first two, but then adds his tongue. I let him in, and he explores my mouth and tongue. The tone of the kiss is still gentle and sweet, but I want to take it up a notch. I go just a little faster, only to give him a hint, and he understands. His body is pressed against mine, so tightly we are practically one. The kiss started as gentle, but has gotten hot and needy, but nevertheless amazing. The temperature goes up in the room by ten degrees, or at least it feels like it. His hands slide to my upper back, then to the middle, behind my breasts, and then find themselves once again on my lower back. As the kiss heats up, his hands cautiously and slowly drop until they are slightly on my bottom, just the top part. I quiver. I would usually bat away a man's hand from there unless we'd been together for a while, but with David I know he is as gentle as a butterfly and has no bad intentions. And I know his hormones are over the top right now for him, because it's been so long. Our mouths are practically molded together, and we've been kissing for much longer than thirty seconds. I feel a small bulge in his pants against my stomach, but I understand. I would be surprised if it hadn't happened. He pulls back, stuffing his hands in his pockets and glaring at the ground. His face was beet red, and I could tell he was trying to tuck it up in his belt or something, but I already knew.
"Its okay David. I understand, it happens." I whisper in his ear, but he still looks disappointed in himself. I reach out and hug him, resting my head against his chest, and I could feel his heartbeat. It was the fastest I'd ever heard.
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It's only Friday, but it feels like years since the week began. Tonight we film our kiss scene in front of the audience and crew for the first time. We've all gotten dressed in our clothes, and we are ready to perform tonight. Once we all come onto the set, we begin filming. The live audience always brings up our energy, and makes us feel alive, even if it be 1 am and we are still filming.
DAVID'S POV
Once we get through all of our scenes for the night, the camera and lighting men prepare us for the final scene of the night. Everyone piles into Courtney's dressing room, discussing tomorrow's plans.
"We could go out to dinner, or maybe to a theme park!" Matt suggests, filled with excitement.
We all laugh at Matt's ridiculous idea.
"How about a regular park Matt, we aren't nine!" Courtney asks, jokingly.
We have a good fifteen minutes more to wait, and spending with each other joking around is almost better than filming itself. Almost. After we settle down from our ideas, Matty turns to me.
"Sooooo David... Gonna kiss Jen tonight?!" He teases, poking fun at me.
I fake chuckle, turning towards Jennifer.
"Well that's what's in the script..." I joke back.
Jennifer laughs and ruffles my hair. I blush deep red. Wait a minute, Matty is the only one totally unaware of Jennifer and I's situation. Wow, I never thought everyone would find out like that. We all joke around and laugh for a little while longer, until Marta comes in the room.
"Okay, so everybody but David and Jennifer are free to go, but you guys can stay if you'd like." Marta announces.
We all nod our heads in response. I begin to get nervous, and my stomach is turning. What if I make it last to long? What if I get a hard on? What if the audience doesn't like it? It'll be alright, I hope.
"I think I'll get going guys, my hubby is waiting!" Lisa laughed, as she gathered her stuff and left, but not before she ruffled my hair.
I smile and whisper a goodbye.
"Yeah, there's a football game on, and I don't really want to miss it. Have a nice night!" Matty says, as he stands up to leave.
Once he leaves, Matt approaches the door after Matty.
"You guys it's been a long day, I really want to sleep. Sorry I just would like to go home. Are you guys okay?" Matt asks, politely.
We both nod.
"Yeah, we have Court." Jen laughs, patting Court's arm, but instead she joins Matt at the door.
"Sorry I kind of want to leave too, but if you don't want me to I'll stay." Court yawns.
Jennifer looks down at the ground in disappointment, and I move so I'm closer to her because of the empty room.
"Go, if you want to. It's alright, we're fine." I add, wrapping my arm around Jennifer.
Once everyone is gone, I look down at her. She smiles up at me, and pushes my hair up from my forehead. I subtlety grin, trying to catch her attention. Suddenly, Marta burst through the door.
"Okay guys, it's time!" She directs to us, ushering us to follow her.
We walk behind her to the set, where the audience is sitting behind and above the set, where the lights and crew are.
(I actually went to the set in WB last year <3)
It's odd having everybody gone, and only a few crew members. Before the cameras begin rolling, Kevin helps us block the scene out. We practice where we want to go, but our lips haven't touched yet. Just as we approach filming, David (Crane) pulls us aside. We step behind the cameras and all the people, so we three aren't heard.
"I know it's scary to kiss someone on camera, especially your friend, but you have to be mature about it, okay? Since you guys are quite new to acting, or at least television acting, you probably haven't done this before. Just don't be nervous, and have fun." He advised, with enthusiasm in his voice. We both nodded along, taking every word of his advice seriously.
"And David," he directed towards me, "No erections." He said seriously.
Jennifer began laughing hysterically, and I blushed bright red.
"Alright you guys, are you ready?"
We emerged from the darkness and onto the set. We stood in our places from across the room, and waited for the director's call.
A/N: This scene never actually happened, just to tell you guys. No, you aren't losing your minds. :)
"Annnnnnd ACTION!" Kevin shouted, and everybody heard it as clear as a gunshot.
The room was dead silent, the sound of my heart must have conquered it's silence. You could cut the tension with a knife. The scene is supposed to be romantic, and we begin our lines and try as hard as we can.
"Ross, do you like me?" Jennifer whispered, slowly approaching me with every line.
"Of course Rach, I've loved you for the last 14 years, and never once did I stop." I cringed at the line, but I had to say it.
We were closer, about ten feet apart.
"Then what's stopping us from being together?" She asked so innocently, and I wish I could answer.
This is it. This is when I'm going to grab her by the waist and is her. We rush together, and I catch a glimpse into her eyes once before our lips touch, in a hot mash of love and passion. Her hands around my neck, and mine around her waist. We kiss for around ten seconds, before we pull apart, our chests heaving against each other. The audience has gone insane by now, with cheering and whistling. I can tell our kiss was kind of, well, sexy! It seemed like we were craving each other's lips for so long, and we finally got that moment of release. At least I did.
"CUT!" Kevin yells, so we break character.
Jennifer lets her hands linger on my neck, as she whispers into my ear.
"Good job Schwim." She whispers, and I smile.
She pulls away as Marta approaches us. She pats my back and places her arm on Jennifer's shoulder.
"Wow! That was hot!" Marta began fake fanning herself, "Jeez David, I didn't know you had it in you! I guess every man has his surprises!" Marta chuckles, as Jennifer and I keel over with laughter. It takes a moment to recover, and I never knew I could laugh so hard in an emotionally exhausting situation like this.
"Alright, so can you two do the scene again, but this time can you kiss softly and romantically instead of almost ripping each other's clothes off?" Jennifer adorably giggles as we nod.
"I know you guys want each other, but save that for the bedroom at home!" She jokes again, before drifting off as we chortle.
Once Marta turns away, Jennifer returns her eye to me.
"Can you do that babe?" She chuckles, while playfully hitting my chest. We separate to our respective sides of the room and Kevin restarts the scene again.
"READY? 3, 2, 1, ACTION!" Kevin shouts, while closing the clapboard. The audience stills.
Once we say our lines, we approach each other carefully, cautious not to seem too needy or rush anything. When we reach each other, her arms tenderly wrap themselves around my neck, going through my hair, while my arms hold her waist. We both tilt out heads to the right, just enough, as we slowly lean in for our wonderful kiss. Once our lips touch this time, our eyes are closed, and the world has disappeared. All we care about is our lips, and our hearts pounding against each other's chests. Her tongue asks for entrance, and I would never decline. As actors, we aren't supposed to kiss with tongue, but we are comfortable with it. As the kiss deepens, one of her hands slides down my to my chest, while one of mine comes to her side. Our lips softly and delicately touch, so innocent and in our own worlds. The kiss is full of love, and all of my feelings for Jen have been poured into this one moment. Hopefully she can feel the intensity of my passion for her. The audience has disappeared, along with the crew. It's just us, our lips softy coming together to create a wave of pure bliss and harmony. All of my nerves from everything in the last week are gone, or at least for now. They seem like little waves, swimming alongside the tsunami of my passion for Jennifer.
DAVID CRANE'S POV (new one!)
I stand behind the camera, next to Kevin, the director, and Marta my co-writer/creator. We all watch in silence as the two kiss. The audience is silent, and we all are wrapped up in the mess of their love. They seem so in love, and I mean for real. They've been going well over the time limit, but no one's going to stop them yet. It's been thirty-five seconds, but of pure love. I have a feeling both of them have feelings for each other, and maybe they don't know it yet. Marta turns to me, and whispers in my ear.
"Courteney warned me that David is in love with Jennifer. But she doesn't feel the same." She spoke, delicately as of David could hear her. He's too far away and caught up with his love. I turned to meet her eyes, and nodded my head in agreement. I watched them closely, and realized that the chemistry they have is so beautiful and innocent, a new love can be kindled between them if only Jennifer would agree to. But what if they got together, and then split? What would happen to our show? As much as I adore them together, they shouldn't be allowed to mix. They can't make 100 people lose their jobs.
Kevin clears his throat loudly, and everyone knows to stop and look at him when he does so. The two lovers pulled back, blushing intensely as they both realize how long they had kissed for. Their hands were still on each other's bodies, as Kevin ended the scene. The audience cheered for what seemed like hours, until they finally departed from the stage. Jen was blushing, but no where near as much as David was. His hands were stuffed into his pockets, with his head down. He smiled, cautious of his surroundings. They couldn't seem too happy, or else they'd look like a new couple.
JENNIFER'S POV
When we walked away from the lights and cameras, I was left with wonderment. After I had realized what we had done, it sunk in. We kissed. And it wasn't some quick peck, or even some romantic lip-locking, we really kissed. With full passion and love, the real deal! I kissed him like I would to a lover, but no friend. I turned to him, and he was smirking to himself lightly. His face was still red, and he possessed a sort of confidence in his stance rather than his usual awkwardness.
"Was I alright?" He asked bashfully, tightening his lips.
I smiled, and nodded my head.
"Much better than 'alright'. You were phenominal, better than anyone I've ever kissed before. That moment was so.... Perfect and unexpectedly beautiful." I blushed, scared to admit the truth.
His eyes were damp, and his smile brighter than ever before. He looked up at me with confidence but still a hint of his geekiness. His success was lingering through, and he was so grateful to be able to hear those words.
"I can't believe we kissed for that long without realizing." He laughed, "But while we were kissing, I just had this feeling of accomplishment, and I don't really know why, but I did. I could feel how significant the moment was in my heart, and I never knew just a kiss could change my world. My problems faded away, and my biggest concern was your pleasure. Kissing you was like hearing your favourite song for the first time- You never knew it was the beginning of everything, new and exciting, the unknown. I can't believe we did that!" He ended, making me laugh while crying.
Our tears of happiness were only the beginning of it all.
At that moment, I jumped on him. I leapt onto him, with my arms around his neck, and my legs around his waist with his arms supporting them. We kissed ever so passionately, more like our first take. My hands were cupping his cheeks, while our lips battled away, and our hearts pounded together again. When I pulled away, I held his forehead against mine with my hands still on his cheeks. We tried to regain our breaths, our eyes closed, our lips almost touching. I tilted my head down more, just half an inch so I could lightly kiss the corner of his bottom lip. I ran my hands through the back of his hair, which was slightly damp because of how hot the last hour had been, with lights, kissing, pressure, and embarrassment. I slid down is body until my feet reached the floor once again. I looked up into his eyes, which were confused, happy, and a bit more confused. Oh, and also confused. After a minute of silence he spoke.
"What was all of this? Are we going to get together or what? Do you like me?" He asked, wanting direct answers.
He looked like a young boy falling in love for the first time and realizing how great it all is... I guess that's what's happened except for he's not a young boy.
"It's complicated David. You are so perfect, and real special person. But it's just that deep down inside, I'm not feeling that wanting I usually feel with other men, you know?" His face drops, and his usual awkward demeanor returns.
"But I'm not like other men. This could work, I know it could. What if the best thing for you in the world is standing right in front of you and you don't seize it, you'll lose it forever. I love, and maybe your body is trying to love me." He shoots into the dark.
I nod, but I still don't fully understand.
"What if I lost you? What if we ended things in our relationship and never saw each other again. I couldn't live like that." I add, but nothing persuades him. His eyebrows furrow together, and his eyes fix their gaze on the floor. His shoulders slump slightly, and his hands sit tightly in his pockets.
"Ok. Let's go and meet the rest of the gang then."