♥ you couldn't have loved me better » [phan one-shots] ♥

♥ one-shot twelve // good night, dan [sad] ♥

Inspired By: an episode of Catfish (there wasn't death, just something that was said)

Title Credit: -

Warnings: death

Genre/Content: sad/au?? (technically, right?)

~♥~

✖ Phil's POV ✖

Recounting and writing important events in my life was one of my favorite things to do. Whenever I wanted to remember a certain point in my life I knew I would want to come back to, I'd write it down. I kept a box of journals from when I was the age of twelve to right this very moment. 

I figured, since we all die soon, why not, before we die, recount all the good memories and things that happened? I also made it to for me to read every day since death is unpredictable and some days, I just felt nostalgic. 

Now, when I met Dan, I didn't realize the amount of journals I wrote in would increase dramatically. But I had so many amazing memories. Three journals were filled with just me and Dan; events we'd been to, awards we won, videos we made, literally everything.

There were also personal times, such as our first kiss, our actual first time, our marriage, and all of that other sappy stuff. I read it every day just so I could be reminded of all the love we shared, our strong bond that could not be broken by anyone or anything. 

So, of course, when Dan and I became older, I would read entries more often; remind myself of all our younger days and all the fun we had together. 

When Dan started to become sick, I knew something was wrong. But Dan being Dan, he refused to go, his stubbornness shining through. I complied, but I was still worried nonetheless. 

He had grown weaker each day, but still refused any doctor's help, but I stayed by his side, always hoping and praying for him to get better. 

Yet, he didn't. He didn't get better and I now had to watch my best friend suffer. It was a horrid sight to watch, really, and I had no idea how to handle it. I stayed strong for him, though, until I knew my strength would count for nothing as he was already leaving.

"Phil, read me your memories, will you?" Dan asked, lying on our bed, as I sat next to him, sniffling loudly. 

I smiled, pulling the box out from under the bed, and picking up the first journal. I flipped through random pages and landed on one of my earliest memories. "This was from the very first 'Phil Is Not On Fire', do you remember that?"

He chuckled, "we were so gay back then."

"Still are," I laughed softly, clearing my throat. "Anyway, I had written here, 'Today, Dan and I recorded our first video and this is one of our first days meeting. I've never had so much fun filming; it's a lot more fun with someone else. We acted really dumb and just had a great time. I really like his smile and laugh.'"

"You still do, don't you?"

"Yes, I still do love your smile and laugh. Literal sunshine." I flipped through more pages, trying to find another major event. "Oh, here we go: our first date. 'Today was Dan and I's first date! It didn't go so well, though. Dan tried to make us dinner, but he burned the majority of it, and we just ordered take out. Then I spilled my drink all over my clothes and we spent the next ten minutes cleaning it up. Dan felt bad about ruining our date, but I gave him lots of kisses to make him feel better. I think he's happy now.' Wow, I sound like a teenage girl, don't I?'

"You really do, Phil," he coughed.

"Are you okay, Dan?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." he waved me away. "Keep talking 'cause I love to hear your voice."

I grinned, "Okay. Ooh, here's another one, when we came out. 'Today has been quite a day. We finally decided we'd come out to everyone and I couldn't be more nervous, but Dan promise he'd be there for me always-'" Dan's eyes started to flutter and I knew this was getting closer to the end. 

I reached for his hand, holding it. "Dan, please.."

"I'm okay, Phil, I'm okay." he assured me, nodding.

"No, you're not. You're still stubborn as ever," I commented, knowing Dan would try to argue.

"I'm not."

"Are so. ..Hey, Dan, I have a question."

"What is it?"

"I wrote in my journal how you always like to say 'good night' instead of 'good bye', why is that?"

"Well, Phil, 'good bye' means forever; 'good night' means just for awhile. So, whenever I told you 'good night' during the day, it just meant I was coming back later."

My tear production increased and I knew I could hold it in no longer. I let out the first wave of tears, still smiling at Dan. "I love you so, so much."

"I love you so much, too, Phil. Don't forget that. You're beautiful, you're amazing, you're everything I've ever wanted. Keep on living even if I won't be here, I know you can do it."

I laid a hand on his cheek, still holding onto his other hand. "I know I can keep on, even if it's going to be harder without you."

"You'll get over it.. Now, I think- I think it's time for me to go." His breaths became ragged and it became harder for him to talk. "I'll be leaving you now, Phil. But I love you."

"Don't go. Please."

"Good night, Phil. I'll see you tomorrow." And with that, his eyes closed, and his breathing became slower and slower until it came to a complete stop.

"Good night, Dan." 

~♥~

what have i done? im so sorry. its one in the morning, i was listening to mcr while i was writing this so of course i cried many tears while doing so. do i regret it? nope. ((and if you're wondering, there's like one song lyric in there. if you can find it, you are 10/10 amazing))

anyway, have an amazing day/night where ever you are. ily, stay beautiful. ♥♥♥ ^-^