♥ you couldn't have loved me better » [phan one-shots] ♥

♥ fifteen // good byes are the hardest part [au] ♥

Inspired By: I actually don't know

Title Credit:

Warnings: Suicide

Genre/Content: AU

~♥~

Phil's P.O.V

I'd talk to him every night. Every single night. He'd always come on at the same time, ten p.m.; he'd always start with a 'I don't want to be here' and end with a 'Thank you for making me smile'.

He was a huge reason why I knew being a part of a suicide prevention program through use of hotlines had to be the greatest job anyone could have. I didn't really like calling it a job, though, that's not what it was. I was dedicating my time to save other people. Not being told to save them.

I left with a smile knowing I had helped them in some way. That's all I wanted. Yet, the one kid, Dan, I had learned, came back every night. I hated he that he had the thought on his mind every single day.

It made me feel terrible; I waited until ten o' clock every night to help him through another difficult time. I needed to keep him alive, we were almost like friends. We had conversations about our favorites and music and I told him funny stories of the people I had met over the years just to make him laugh. I thought everything was going great.

I thought.

Dan has joined the chat.

Dan: I don't want to be here.

It was ten, normal time, and he had just logged onto the chat; he always requested me.

Phil: But you're meant to be here; that's why you were born.

Dan: But I'm a burden to everyone.

Phil: You're not a burden to me.

Dan: ...I'm not?

Phil: Of course not!! You know, I'm gonna tell you a secret, I love getting to talk to you every night; I wait to talk to you every night. :]

Dan: You're making me cry!

Phil: I didn't mean for that!! Don't cry, please.

Dan: Its okay. Its just - You make me so happy.

Phil: Do I?? I'm glad.

Dan: Yes, you do. And..

Dan is typing...

Normally, he doesn't reply with more than a few sentences, but I guess since he felt happier, he was going to tell me more. Honestly, this made me feel so full of joy, I couldn't keep from smiling. I probably looked like and idiot, smiling at nothing, but I could honestly care less.

Dan: And you mean a whole lot to me. That's why saying good bye to you is going to be the hardest part for me. You've helped me through so much and I don't want you to think your efforts have gone to waste.. they haven't; I just wasn't made for this world. Ive told you so many times, but you insist I stay. I would stay for you, I would, but I can't. I just can't..

Phil: But that makes no sense! You say you'd stay for me, so stay for me!

This wasn't supposed to happen. He never told me about this! Why is he..

Dan: I don't care. I can't stay. For all I know, you could be just a robot.

Phil: Would a robot tell someone they love them?!

After I sent that, his response took longer than I thought it would've.

Dan: Do you really? God, that's all ive wanted to hear. Now I really can die happy. I love you, too. Thank you for making me smile.

Dan has left the chat.

~♥~

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