♥ you couldn't have loved me better » [phan one-shots] ♥

♥ one-shot two » this is no hallucination [au] ♥

Inspired By: Nothing, I just thought of it at a random moment. (try fifth period Spanish class on a Thursday lolzor).

One-Shot Title Credit: Wake Up - Suicide Silence

Warnings: None (unless you don't like mental institutions, but it's just a mention)

Genre/Content: AU

~♥~

✖ Dan's POV ✖

"Do you think I'm crazy?!" I shouted, wide-eyed, breath catching in my throat. He didn't do so much as blink. Never said a word, never looked me straight in the face, just watched as I was carried to, what I assumed at the time, my death. Turns out, it was worse.

Having to wake up everyday and do the same constant routine, look at the same scenery; all white, and have the same thoughts, driven from the darkest depths of my mind. I was going crazy. But even before, everyone already thought I was.

They did this. It was just a dream. A re-occurring dream. Doesn't mean I'm crazy.. does it? No, it doesn't. I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy! I am NOT crazy!

That's how my day would always end. With my hands clutched around my head, face buried in my pillow, trying desperately to escape the reality I dreaded to wake up to. I don't deserve this. Why am I here...

"Alright, Mr. Howell, time for you to get up." I opened my eyes slowly, my body overtaken with tiredness. I yawned, sitting up, keeping my head hung low.

"Did you have the dream again?" There it was. The question I hated being asked. I could lie, but that was the problem. I had lied about it for the longest time that it had finally caught up with me and here I was. Stuck in a mental facility with the last sanity I could muster up. Every time I lied, they seemed to figure out, so, what was the use?

I nodded, telling the truth, I did have it. Since the time I turned fifteen, I always had the same dream. Notice how it's 'dream' and not 'nightmare'. I'd always see the same person, the same blue-eyed boy. He'd fascinated me since the moment I saw him and I knew I had to find him; prove he was real. But, does that make me crazy and mean I need to have tests run on me and be tortured every day?

I rolled my eyes, laying back down, turning the opposite way. I didn't have the energy to get up and face another day.

...

Three months later and I was finally released. The bliss of that moment was surreal. I was finally able to experience the fresh air of the natural world around me, interact with the beings created on this Earth, just.. live.

I took a deep breath, letting it out slow, living this moment as if it were my last. You'd think I'd run home or something, nope, I was standing right outside the doors to the facility enjoying the morning air; something I thought I would never be able to do again.

After having my fill of the moment, I contemplated what would happen next as I wasn't sure what to do anymore (for now, at least). Get a job? I haven't had one of those in a long time.

Actually, I never had one of those. I never got the chance. I'd been in that living Hell for 2+ years and then had been thrown out, no experience in life whatsoever, but that's the thing, you just have to live life like you're supposed to, never really knowing where you're supposed to go. That's the beauty of it, really.

I smiled to myself, taking the first steps into what I hoped would be a good life. I'm having a new-found appreciation for everything. Being locked up really does change the way you look at things.

Making my way down the street and to the bus stop, I kept watch on all the stores, hoping to see an ad for a job offer. Just one, I could care less where.

...

Well, maybe I should've cared, seeing as I ended up working as a cashier in a nice store that would soon turn run-down, ready to be torn apart and closed for good in a couple of months.

I sighed, closing up for the night, getting ready to find a new job once this place was done. I locked the door, taking a full view of what was once a lovely store. I would miss it quite a lot, actually. Sure, it only payed five dollars an hour, but I had made many friends there and met many wonderful customers as well. This place truly meant a lot, it honestly did.

I smiled, turning, and walked to my flat, only a few blocks away. The cool breeze was enough to make me want to stay out and gaze up at the stars, which is just what I decided to do seeing as this night was just right and I happened to be in a content mood.

I grabbed a blanket from inside, running to the park that was so conveniently placed just a street down from my flat. I spread the blanket out, smoothing out any wrinkles, and laid on my back, hands behind my head.

I let myself relax, letting my thoughts take me into nowhere, yet get totally lost in them. I was so lost in thought, I didn't realize the person - guy, rather - standing over me.

"Hello, there," he said casually, as if we were old time friends.

"Huh?!" I sat up quickly, scared by the sudden voice. I looked up, in total shock in seeing who it was. You're him..

He stared at me, a small, awkward smile plastered on his face. "I just wanted to see what you were doing so late on a night like this. Are you okay?"

It took a minute for me to process the whole thing, I could only nod. He chuckled, "Seems like you're at a loss for words. I'm Phil Lester." He took a seat in front of me, crossing his legs.

I cocked my head as a curious dog would do, still not understanding why this time was chosen for me to finally meet the man of my dreams - literally. "I, uhh.." I couldn't manage words, this was too crazy! Is he really in front of me? Am I hallucinating? Am I crazy?! No, I can't be. I'm not! Does this prove that those four years of being stuck in a mental facility were just an absolute waste of my life?

"Hey, you okay?" Does he not realize?!

"Oh, uh, yea, I'm fine," I managed. "You just look, uh, very.."

"Familiar?" he questioned, a smirk on his face. I nodded, amazed at how he knew what I was going to say. "Yes, I can tell. You seem flustered by my showing up. Let me tell you why I came here, I've been seeing you in my dreams. From the time I was fifteen to just last week. They stopped for exactly one week, but I had one just last night, this time it was different. I was finally able to see your face, but never did I get to know your name. And, well, I've taken quite a fancy to you since then."

I didn't know how to respond, couldn't respond. Still in complete shock, I just kept nodding my head. "Seems you still don't know what to say. Let's start by introducing ourselves. I've introduced myself, now it's your turn. What's your name?" he stuck out his hand.

"I'm Daniel- I mean, Dan Howell," I said, shaking his hand.

"I've already told you my name, but I'll tell you again seeing as you probably didn't catch it. I'm Phil Lester," he smiled.

So that was it. This was the guy I had seen in my dreams for all those years. I wasn't crazy.

"Wow, I can't believe you're real.. I'm not crazy," I said in a tone just above a whisper. I'm not crazy.

"No, you're not. I'm here and I'm alive. If you're still unsure, I can prove it to you."

"No.. I believe you... So, Phil, tell me, how'd you know I was here?"

"Seems you found your voice, eh? Anyway, I also happened to be a patient at the same mental facility you were put in. I just never had the chance to talk to you seeing as they thought we were both crazy when all we needed to do was find each other."

I smiled, find each other.. The thought sounded so nice. "Well, we've found each other now and I'm going to assume we're never going to leave each other."

"Only time will tell."

~♥~

Wow, I'm actually kinda sorta proud of this one.