♥ you couldn't have loved me better » [phan one-shots] ♥

♥ one-shot six // big boys dont cry [break-up/kinda sad] ♥

Inspired By: My sadness, tyvm. And the song below.

One-Shot Title Credit: Changed the name of Fergie's song 'Big Girls Don't Cry (Personal)'.

Warnings: None

Genre/Content: Sad(er)/Break-Up

*srry about the giant spaces, i do everthing on my tablet and that happens ._. i'll eventually fix it :c*

~♥~

✖ Alternates between Dan's POV [normal] and Phil's [italicized] ✖

I can still smell his scent; the way he smelled every time he hugged me, cuddled me. I missed him, but he was on his way back home now.

I was boarding the train back home, back to my family, somewhere I could relax. It's not that I didn't like where or who I was with, I just needed.. some time. I hope you know this has nothing to do with you, Dan..

I lay in bed all day, the day he told me he was going back home; away from me. I couldn't help but think it was all my fault. I hadn't lived up to his standards in some way and he didn't love me anymore. I knew that was it, it had to be. "Don't blame this on yourself, Dan. Our relationship has nothing to do with it," he insisted, but I knew that was a lie. I pushed him away when he tried to give me a hug, but I wanted nothing more than to be wrapped into one of his bear hugs. I lived for them, to be honest.

I stared out the window, wondering how Dan was handling everything. He's doing fine, you know that, I kept telling myself, but deep down, I knew he wasn't fine; he needed me more than I needed him and that broke my heart on so many levels. "You don't love me anymore, Phil." I replayed the image of Dan's tear stricken face, the hurt heard in his voice and shown in his eyes. I tried to explain to him that my leaving had nothing to do with him or our relationship.

"It's just me, myself, and I, Dan. I don't know if you get that yet, but you will, eventually." I didn't know how to respond to that. How could I respond to that? I didn't say anything, I just stood and watched as he packed his things, tears rolling down my cheeks and onto my crossed arms. He hadn't said anything either until he had stepped fully out the door, but instead of leaving, he turned to face my direction.

I promised him, but I don't know when that day will come. I don't know when I'll be ready; it could be tomorrow, next week, next month, even years from now! How will he react when I suddenly show up one day? Will he even remember me? Will he forgive me?

"I'll be back one day, Dan. I promise." And with that, he left. I was left to my own thoughts, my own wonders as to when he would be back. It could be days, months, weeks, years even! Why would I let him walk out like that? Why didn't I stop him?! I yelled into my pillow, the tears stinging the back of my eyes, then spilling out onto the pillow. He wasn't coming back, I told myself over and over again, trying to burn the thought into my brain.

I made it home, but didn't feel any better even when my parents greeted me, showering me with hugs and kisses. They weren't the people I wanted the hugs and kisses from, though, even if I loved them dearly, but I also loved someone else. He hates me now, doesn't he? I flopped onto my bed, burying my face into a pile of pillows, letting out all the suppressed emotions I had in tears.

One Month Later..

It's been a full month since he's been gone.. I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it, but..

I knocked on his door, the bouquet of roses clenched in my sweat soaked hand. I was nervous. Had he changed much in the month I had gone? I put on my biggest smile, ready to tackle Dan into a hug as soon as he opened the door. "Hey, Da-" Huh? I looked at the mysterious man standing at the door, staring me down. Had Dan moved? "I got it, babe." I heard the familiar voice that always made my heart do the flippy thing, but at this moment, instead of the flippy thing, my heart sank. Now, Dan stood, facing me, sadness apparent in his eyes. "Hey, Dan.." I looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with him. "I really thought you weren't coming back, so.. I.." he trailed off, looking everywhere but me.

"Yeah.." he whispered. "I'll, um, be leaving now.." Please don't leave..

"I still love you!" I stopped, turning back, but Dan had already gone back inside. I still love you, too. I set the roses in front of his door and carried on my way. "I still love you." echoing through my head.

~♥~

I was sad when I wrote this and decided to keep it, so whatever. Enjoy a sorta happy/not too happy/could make into a longer story ending. ^-^